Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Oh, the Places You Won’t Go!
A wrecker driver is reported – it was on the InterGossip, so it must be true, right? - to have abandoned a woman whose car was broken down. The reason given was that he didn’t approve of the political bumper sticker on the car.
He also credited a higher power for his decision: "Something came over me, I think the Lord came to me, and he just said get in the truck and leave” (http://abc11.com/news/tow-truck-driver-refuses-to-tow-bernie-sanders-supporter/1324539/).
But let’s be fair – the cad didn’t say which lord.
You know, not even John Wayne was John Wayne – as a perfectly healthy young man he somehow managed to dodge his military obligation, just like Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders, and never served in other ways, such as a volunteer firefighter, auxiliary police officer, or in some other civil defense capacity. Even so, a man is obligated, in spite of all ideologies and fashions and bumper stickers, to be protective of women and children. If the story is true, the wrecker driver left a woman alone in a disabled car on a rural highway.
That man’s momma needs to have a talk with him. He should listen to her - and to a different Lord.
+ + +
Every election cycle famous people threaten to deprive the Republic of their special wonderfulness and go to Canada if Candidate X is elected. Alas that they never go.
But then there is this: has Canada invited them? Threatening to emigrate to another nation as an expression of hissy-fit-ness is like a child threatening to go live with the neighbors if he doesn’t get a Wham-O Nuclear Missile Playset for Christmas.
Canada, unlike some nations, has border controls. If Canada doesn’t want you, you don’t go there. When you approach the border a nice man or woman chit-chats with you while scanning your passport, and if the computer reports any crimes, including even a DWI from forty years ago (http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/inadmissibility/conviction.asp), the border services will nicely advise you that you are permitted to view Niagara Falls from the American side.
Our border agency, sadly, allowed Canadian Justin Bieber in. Well, maybe J.B. doesn’t like the new prime minister. Or he could be a refugee.
+ + +
Imagine how much happier the world would be if there were no graduation speakers other than the valedictorian and salutatorian. And they would be denied their diplomas if they talked for more than five minutes.
During graduation speeches all guests should be given a pencil and a checklist of clichés, maybe as a Bingo card:
“Education is the key that unlocks…”
“We are the future.”
“My Webster’s defines ‘commencement’ as…”
“This is not the end; this is the beginning.”
“Follow your dreams.”
“Follow your passion.”
“Make a difference.”
“As we stand on the threshold of…”
“As we go forth…”
“The torch has been passed…”
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it…”
“Education is not a destination but a journey.”
“We’ve been through some amazing times together.”
Whoever checks off the most cliches’ wins a copy of Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
-30-
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Monday, May 2, 2016
Harriet, Meet Andy; Andy, Meet Harriet - column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aoll.com
Harriet, Meet Andy; Andy, Meet Harriet
This nation will again feature a woman on its currency, a woman who, as many have observed, was a gun-owning Republican. Harriet Tubman was a Deborah, a Joan of Arc, leading her people – and, by extension, all people - to freedom, and eminently worthy of national honor.
However, given the popular cultures most people choose to follow, one wonders if this week there will be an intergossip meme demanding that Prince replace Harriet Tubman on the twenty-dollar-bill even before she is pictured there. Last month the demand might have been for David Bowie, and before him Michael Jackson, and before him Elvis Presley.
The popularity of the eponymous Broadway musical is said to have saved Hamilton’s wiggie image on the ten, reflecting the democracy of the box office cash flow. What could be more American? So, hey, The Khardassians on the fiver, anyone? Hanna Montana twerkin’ to the Disney oldies?
Old Hickory had a long run on the twenty, though my First Nations cousins have never had any more reason to honor him than they do George Custer. A century hence a fashionable crowd will chant that Harriet Tubman was not open to multi-sex restrooms, or perhaps was too human species-ist, and she will be replaced by someone else, or maybe by a porpoise.
Civilization seems to be pretty much an Oxymandias thing – we build up nations and set up statues to ourselves and our values, and within a century our constructs are as irrelevant as a statue of Cecil Rhodes in a city park in Harare. Jackson Square in New Orleans may within a decade be renamed Place de la Good Comrades, and the gilded equestrienne statue of St. Joan of Arc by the Mississippi River might be pulled down in favor of automated figures of Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa giving each other dirty looks. Fame and reputation are as fleeting as smoke from the riverboats.
Many nations place their current leaders on their money. North Korean banknotes have a picture of Little Tubby and a tiny sound machine that sings “Ding, Dong, the East is Red,” while Russia’s have a picture of Vladimir Putin, shirtless, wrestling a polar bear.
No, not really.
The Canadian dollar coin features a portrait of the Queen on one side and a loon – meaning the waterfowl, not the previous premier of Newfoundland – on the other, which seems suspiciously levelling.
Canadian banknotes again offer the Queen on the front but on the back a series of stern Canadian statesmen, most of whom seem to look like Benjamin Disraeli on a bad starched-collar day. If Canada ever becomes a republic they could replace the Queen on their currency with a populist Air Canada cabin attendant democratically snarling “No, we don’t have any coffee! We ran out back at Row 30! Eh!”
One does not imagine George Washington being replaced on our dollar with a FEMA functionary, or maybe one of those octopus-tentacled guys who fondles you at the airport. We continue to be honored by heroes on our currency. Harriet Tubman wanted freedom for all, not campus safe spaces, and took a pistol with her on her raids to free the oppressed. She would not have wept and wrung her hands upon seeing “Trump 2016” chalked on a sidewalk, nor would she have seen a therapist about any feelings of inadequacy.
I don’t know that she or Andy Jackson ever played the guitar, though.
-30-
“Gentlemen! You Can’t Fight in Here – This is the Institute of Peace!” - Column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
“Gentlemen! You Can’t Fight in Here – This is the Institute of Peace!”
Daniel Berrigan has died, which will mean little to most people under fifty, who never heard of him and so didn’t know he was alive. Fr. Berrigan was a fashionable 1960s the-church-of-what’s-happen’-now priest who became famous for being against things. And in many of those things, including conscription and the undeclared war in Viet-Nam, he was right. Conscription is antithetical to the concept of a free nation, and Section 8 of Article 1 of the Constitution clearly states that only Congress is empowered to declare war. So is it fair, then, to wonder at Fr. Berrigan’s motives?
St. Thomas More wisely reminds us that we do not have a window to look into another man’s soul. Even so, Fr. Berrigan often seemed to be more anti-American than pro-justice, and appears to have ignored the deaths and sufferings of his fellow human beings under the various Communist regimes. Thousands of priests and millions of lay Christians died before Communist firing squads, on Communist scaffolds, and in Communist death camps, and one wonders if Father Berrigan, busy with his teach-ins and protests and all the other look-at-me-nesses of the 1960s, sympathized or was even aware.
+ + +
Folks living in rural Newfoundland had better read about Father Berrigan while they can. The provincial government is closing 54 of 95 public libraries in that island, and adding another 10% provincial tax on books. Books are already taxed at 5% by the federal government, so now15% of the price of a book will be in taxes. This is part of a scheme called The Harmonized Sales Tax. It doesn’t seem especially harmonious.
The closing of libraries and setting a punitive tax on books are in a province where approximately 30% of the residents never finished high school. It almost seems that the government of Newfoundland does not want literacy among its subjects, um, citizens. If people start reading and writing, they might start thinking for themselves.
Beyond that, rural libraries also serve as community centers where local meetings can be held, information exchanged, and notices posted. With the closing of 54 libraries, 54 communities, who have already lost their schools and their post offices, will continue to erode, losing their histories and cultures, and becoming little more than road signs.
One commentator defending the library closings said that people could just as easily access books via the intergossip.
That’s true for only a few. Newfoundland has never been a land of milk and honey, except for the factors who controlled the fishing industry and more recently the oil. The province is one of the poorest in Canada, and the internet is both slow and expensive. Many people make a visit to the library a part of their infrequent shopping trips to town so they access to the wifi as well as books. Now the unemployed, who cannot afford the ‘net, will lose two significant contacts with the outside world.
+ + +
Without access to the intergossip, how can people in Newfoundland learn that Warren Buffet, an 85-year-old America gazillionaire, credits his long life to drinking five cans of Coca-Cola every day and eating a diet rich in fudge and peanut brittle?
+ + +
A certain famous retail chain is said to be considering using robot employees. Perhaps the idea is that the robots will be able to hide from customers even more efficiently than its human employees do.
+ + +
The Reverend Al Sharpton avers that elements of the recent White House Journalists’ Dinner were in “poor taste.” And you know, who is more authoritative in matters of taste?
+ + +
After the correspondents’ dinner a couple of correspondents got into a fight at an MSNBC party at the U.S. Institute of peace. A fight. At the U. S. Institute of Peace.
Oh, Stanley Kubrick, thou should’st be living at this hour!
-30-
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Carnivores and Casualty Lists - column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Carnivores and Casualty Lists
At a Florida zoo there was until last week a charming young zookeeper who billed herself as “The Tiger Whisperer.” She cared for the zoo’s tigers and gave presentations about them. Sometimes she painted her face like a tiger.
So cute.
So adorable.
So dead.
The charming young zookeeper forgot the prime directive – no matter how many Disney cartoons you’ve seen, to a carnivore you are nothing more than lunch.
+ + +
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders used campaign contributions to charter a big ol’ jet plane for himself and his family to fly to Rome where he gave a ten-minute presentation on socialism. He may or may not have met the Pope. Then he and his family flew back.
Could you and I score a deal like that? We could fly in a chartered jet to conferences all over the world to talk about poverty (“Another glass of champagne over here, please…) and global warming (“Keep the engines running; we won’t be in Rome overnight.”).
+ + +
According to BuzzFeed (whatever that is), Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton’s speaking fees top $200,000.
$200,000 for a speech. Do you think someone might want a return on that someday?
Several years ago I gave a speech to the local volunteer fire department. They gave me supper, which was far more than I deserved. To you and me, dear reader, firefighters are heroes; to presidential candidates they are only a category of potential voters.
+ + +
But let’s be fair: Donald Trump still wears something funny on top of his head and Ted Cruz is still channeling Pee Wee Herman.
+ + +
The death total so far at a music festival in Argentina is up to five. Should music festivals feature casualty lists?
+ + +
A friend in Louisiana was displaced by the flooding and was given refuge in a location where he had no access to the intergossip. I wrote him a letter. A real letter, with heading, inside address, salutation, body, complimentary close, and signature. Then I had to find a proper envelope and a postage stamp. The experience felt so Little House on the Prairie.
How sad that there are now no letters and, really, no photographs. When today’s twenty-somethings are old they will not be able to joy in rediscovering shoeboxes of forgotten letters and pictures – and, thus, joy in rediscovering their youth - for everything is but electrical ephemera on the intergossip, deleted when the machine’s little brain is full, or lost when the gadget is stolen or traded.
-30-
Mhall46184@aol.com
Carnivores and Casualty Lists
At a Florida zoo there was until last week a charming young zookeeper who billed herself as “The Tiger Whisperer.” She cared for the zoo’s tigers and gave presentations about them. Sometimes she painted her face like a tiger.
So cute.
So adorable.
So dead.
The charming young zookeeper forgot the prime directive – no matter how many Disney cartoons you’ve seen, to a carnivore you are nothing more than lunch.
+ + +
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders used campaign contributions to charter a big ol’ jet plane for himself and his family to fly to Rome where he gave a ten-minute presentation on socialism. He may or may not have met the Pope. Then he and his family flew back.
Could you and I score a deal like that? We could fly in a chartered jet to conferences all over the world to talk about poverty (“Another glass of champagne over here, please…) and global warming (“Keep the engines running; we won’t be in Rome overnight.”).
+ + +
According to BuzzFeed (whatever that is), Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton’s speaking fees top $200,000.
$200,000 for a speech. Do you think someone might want a return on that someday?
Several years ago I gave a speech to the local volunteer fire department. They gave me supper, which was far more than I deserved. To you and me, dear reader, firefighters are heroes; to presidential candidates they are only a category of potential voters.
+ + +
But let’s be fair: Donald Trump still wears something funny on top of his head and Ted Cruz is still channeling Pee Wee Herman.
+ + +
The death total so far at a music festival in Argentina is up to five. Should music festivals feature casualty lists?
+ + +
A friend in Louisiana was displaced by the flooding and was given refuge in a location where he had no access to the intergossip. I wrote him a letter. A real letter, with heading, inside address, salutation, body, complimentary close, and signature. Then I had to find a proper envelope and a postage stamp. The experience felt so Little House on the Prairie.
How sad that there are now no letters and, really, no photographs. When today’s twenty-somethings are old they will not be able to joy in rediscovering shoeboxes of forgotten letters and pictures – and, thus, joy in rediscovering their youth - for everything is but electrical ephemera on the intergossip, deleted when the machine’s little brain is full, or lost when the gadget is stolen or traded.
-30-
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Hate-Chalk - weekly column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Hate-Chalk
Georgia’s Emory University, 180 years old, is one of the world’s great schools. Art, music, languages, literatures, science, medicine, public service – Emory is justly proud of its graduates’ accomplishments in every area of intellectual and artistic endeavor.
Unfortunately, a political slogan recently written in chalk on the sidewalks at Emory have provided a thin excuse for the usual suspects to claim the usual Aunt Pittypat vapors and demand investigations, safe spaces, and all the other victimist impedimenta of the self-indulgent.
The blood-curdling message was “Trump 2016” chalked here and there, triumphalist Trumpist trumpetings which to some forty students constituted a hate crime just like, y’know, not enough Che Guevara pizza days, and shooting Bambi’s mother, and, like, y’know, stuff. The Society for the Perpetually Offended protested to the president, James W. Wagner, who cravenly submitted to their demands and promised criminal investigations and prosecutions.
One wonders if complaints about scrawls of “Feel the Bern 2016” would have resulted in sending in the sensitivity police to arrest people.
Does anyone really want to feel the Bern? Sounds a little felony-assault creepy.
The entire student body of Emory, and by extension all university students, have been scorned on glowing electronic screens (hardly the press anymore) all over the world for their hypersensitivity and their anti-freedom demands.
And yet, as a real Emory student noted, the would-be censors of freedom constitute only about .05 % of Emory students.
As Conor Friedersdorf, no Trump fan, notes in his excellent article “How Emory’s Student Activists Are Fueling Trumpism” (http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/03/a-letter-to-emory-please-stop-fueling-trumpism/475356/), there is no evidence that more than one Emory student chalked Trumpetry. Further, chalked sidewalk messages are a tradition at Emory as they are on many campuses. If this chalked message is suppressed and its writer punished for free speech, then it follows that all subsequent chalked messages would be monitored through direct observation and security cameras by the Emory administration and by the campus and local police.
Now that would be insensitive.
According to Mr. Friedersdorf, the reaction (no irony intended) of the Emory student body was to criticize and mock the protestors for their demand that free speech be restrained.
Ironically, those students supporting free speech feel compelled to do so through anonymous websites. One infers that the majority of Emory students, who are in favor of freedom of speech even for candidates and causes they dislike, must argue in favor of free speech anonymously for fear of retribution from other students and perhaps elements in the administration.
Chalk is a last medium for free expression since all email, both in universities and in what we may with a wry smile refer to as the real world, is monitored. A very small number of future Stasi or OGPU functionaries at Emory now want the chalk and the sidewalks observed by police and spy cameras.
Suppression of discourse has obtained for the last half-century in universities in Cuba and North Korea, and occasional government-approved entertainments featuring geriatric three-chord commandos cannot obscure this unhappy reality. At Emory University, the happy reality is that only .05% of students disapprove of the free exchange of ideas.
The focus in this matter should be living the First Amendment, and not stereotyping Emory students or any other group.
After all, not every adult in Connecticut beats up little children for Easter eggs:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3511343/Marauding-parents-Easter-Egg-hunt-rampage-control-adults-push-children-ground-steal-buckets-leave-one-four-year-old-bloody-chaotic-free-event.html
-30-
Mhall46184@aol.com
Hate-Chalk
Georgia’s Emory University, 180 years old, is one of the world’s great schools. Art, music, languages, literatures, science, medicine, public service – Emory is justly proud of its graduates’ accomplishments in every area of intellectual and artistic endeavor.
Unfortunately, a political slogan recently written in chalk on the sidewalks at Emory have provided a thin excuse for the usual suspects to claim the usual Aunt Pittypat vapors and demand investigations, safe spaces, and all the other victimist impedimenta of the self-indulgent.
The blood-curdling message was “Trump 2016” chalked here and there, triumphalist Trumpist trumpetings which to some forty students constituted a hate crime just like, y’know, not enough Che Guevara pizza days, and shooting Bambi’s mother, and, like, y’know, stuff. The Society for the Perpetually Offended protested to the president, James W. Wagner, who cravenly submitted to their demands and promised criminal investigations and prosecutions.
One wonders if complaints about scrawls of “Feel the Bern 2016” would have resulted in sending in the sensitivity police to arrest people.
Does anyone really want to feel the Bern? Sounds a little felony-assault creepy.
The entire student body of Emory, and by extension all university students, have been scorned on glowing electronic screens (hardly the press anymore) all over the world for their hypersensitivity and their anti-freedom demands.
And yet, as a real Emory student noted, the would-be censors of freedom constitute only about .05 % of Emory students.
As Conor Friedersdorf, no Trump fan, notes in his excellent article “How Emory’s Student Activists Are Fueling Trumpism” (http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/03/a-letter-to-emory-please-stop-fueling-trumpism/475356/), there is no evidence that more than one Emory student chalked Trumpetry. Further, chalked sidewalk messages are a tradition at Emory as they are on many campuses. If this chalked message is suppressed and its writer punished for free speech, then it follows that all subsequent chalked messages would be monitored through direct observation and security cameras by the Emory administration and by the campus and local police.
Now that would be insensitive.
According to Mr. Friedersdorf, the reaction (no irony intended) of the Emory student body was to criticize and mock the protestors for their demand that free speech be restrained.
Ironically, those students supporting free speech feel compelled to do so through anonymous websites. One infers that the majority of Emory students, who are in favor of freedom of speech even for candidates and causes they dislike, must argue in favor of free speech anonymously for fear of retribution from other students and perhaps elements in the administration.
Chalk is a last medium for free expression since all email, both in universities and in what we may with a wry smile refer to as the real world, is monitored. A very small number of future Stasi or OGPU functionaries at Emory now want the chalk and the sidewalks observed by police and spy cameras.
Suppression of discourse has obtained for the last half-century in universities in Cuba and North Korea, and occasional government-approved entertainments featuring geriatric three-chord commandos cannot obscure this unhappy reality. At Emory University, the happy reality is that only .05% of students disapprove of the free exchange of ideas.
The focus in this matter should be living the First Amendment, and not stereotyping Emory students or any other group.
After all, not every adult in Connecticut beats up little children for Easter eggs:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3511343/Marauding-parents-Easter-Egg-hunt-rampage-control-adults-push-children-ground-steal-buckets-leave-one-four-year-old-bloody-chaotic-free-event.html
-30-
Much Assembly Required - weekly column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Much Assembly Required
A member of the household purchased a leaf rake last week, which is a harmless enough object that doesn’t require registration or surrendering one’s credit card for a monthly fee. The label says “MADE IN USA,” and it must be true because manufacturers and distributors never tell lies. The handle is molded of that cream-colored goop that quickly warps into dysfunction.
The business end of the rake is plastic, which is good because when the old metal tines resigned from the business of raking leaves they were dragged out of retirement by the lawn mower and recycled as projectiles.
However, this purportedly made in the USA product was not finished. On the socket a sticker pointed to a hole in the socket and said “Install screw in handle socket hole.” The screw for the purpose was provided, but, really, isn’t the point of a manufactured product that it is manufactured?
Was there no one in the MADE IN USA factory who could drill a MADE IN USA hole and fit the MADE IN USA screw into MADE IN USA place?
One imagines buying a new car with a sticker on it that says “Install tires at the ends of the axles,” or a book with “Glue the pages together yourself.” Maybe grocery stores will offer to sell the customer a quart of milk as a cow and a bucket.
Anyone who has bought a vacuum cleaner well understands that the thesis is Much Assembly Required. To open the box containing THE AMAZING REVOLUTIONARY YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME EL DORADO AMERICAN-DESIGNED CIMMARON FABRIQUE EN CHINE ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOMBRE DUST DEVOURER DACHSHUND CHASING L’TORNADO MONSTER XTREEM is to be presented with a garage-sale clutter of plastic odds and ends, envelopes containing various sizes of screws, bolts, nuts, washers, and curious metal thingies, a booklet of instructions in seven languages, and enough packaging filler to exhaust the week’s garbage quota.
Some stores offer to assemble the product for you, but for an extra fee. “Yes, sir, eggs, sausage, toast, and coffee. Now cooking, plates, and flatware will be extra. And for a quarter you can have a napkin.”
For Christmas the spouse-person gave me a new fountain pen with the name of a fine old American company on it. How sad that this was only a Chinese-made pen with the old name on it, of poor quality, and without an ink reservoir. Shabby. I suppose I shouldn’t mention the brand name, only that I was Cross about it.
In a sense we humans assemble ourselves all our lives through the adventures we choose for ourselves and sometimes by those adventures given to us, whether or not we want them. We may choose to practice archery or welding or hiking or plumbing, but then find that we must also practice ill health or unemployment or loss or suffering. As our parents taught us, we sometimes aren’t given choices in life, but we can always choose how we respond to those challenges. We needn’t make shabby choices.
One does regret, however, responding to the challenge of assembling that vacuum cleaner with some shabby choices of language.
-30-
Mhall46184@aol.com
Much Assembly Required
A member of the household purchased a leaf rake last week, which is a harmless enough object that doesn’t require registration or surrendering one’s credit card for a monthly fee. The label says “MADE IN USA,” and it must be true because manufacturers and distributors never tell lies. The handle is molded of that cream-colored goop that quickly warps into dysfunction.
The business end of the rake is plastic, which is good because when the old metal tines resigned from the business of raking leaves they were dragged out of retirement by the lawn mower and recycled as projectiles.
However, this purportedly made in the USA product was not finished. On the socket a sticker pointed to a hole in the socket and said “Install screw in handle socket hole.” The screw for the purpose was provided, but, really, isn’t the point of a manufactured product that it is manufactured?
Was there no one in the MADE IN USA factory who could drill a MADE IN USA hole and fit the MADE IN USA screw into MADE IN USA place?
One imagines buying a new car with a sticker on it that says “Install tires at the ends of the axles,” or a book with “Glue the pages together yourself.” Maybe grocery stores will offer to sell the customer a quart of milk as a cow and a bucket.
Anyone who has bought a vacuum cleaner well understands that the thesis is Much Assembly Required. To open the box containing THE AMAZING REVOLUTIONARY YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME EL DORADO AMERICAN-DESIGNED CIMMARON FABRIQUE EN CHINE ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOMBRE DUST DEVOURER DACHSHUND CHASING L’TORNADO MONSTER XTREEM is to be presented with a garage-sale clutter of plastic odds and ends, envelopes containing various sizes of screws, bolts, nuts, washers, and curious metal thingies, a booklet of instructions in seven languages, and enough packaging filler to exhaust the week’s garbage quota.
Some stores offer to assemble the product for you, but for an extra fee. “Yes, sir, eggs, sausage, toast, and coffee. Now cooking, plates, and flatware will be extra. And for a quarter you can have a napkin.”
For Christmas the spouse-person gave me a new fountain pen with the name of a fine old American company on it. How sad that this was only a Chinese-made pen with the old name on it, of poor quality, and without an ink reservoir. Shabby. I suppose I shouldn’t mention the brand name, only that I was Cross about it.
In a sense we humans assemble ourselves all our lives through the adventures we choose for ourselves and sometimes by those adventures given to us, whether or not we want them. We may choose to practice archery or welding or hiking or plumbing, but then find that we must also practice ill health or unemployment or loss or suffering. As our parents taught us, we sometimes aren’t given choices in life, but we can always choose how we respond to those challenges. We needn’t make shabby choices.
One does regret, however, responding to the challenge of assembling that vacuum cleaner with some shabby choices of language.
-30-
Friday, April 8, 2016
Christos Voskrese! (Second Attempt)

(For Tod)
The world is unusually quiet this dawn
With fading stars withdrawing in good grace
And drowsy, dreaming sunflowers, dewy-drooped,
Their golden crowns all motionless and still,
Stand patiently in their ordered garden rows,
Almost as if they wait for lazy bees
To wake and work, and so begin the day.
A solitary swallow sweeps the sky;
An early finch proclaims his leafy seat
While Old Kashtanka limps around the yard
Snuffling the boundaries on her morning patrol.
Then wide-yawning Mikhail, happily barefoot,
A lump of bread for nibbling in one hand,
A birch switch swishing menace in the other
Appears, and whistles up his father’s cows:
“Hey! Alina, and Antonina! Up!
Up, up, Diana and Dominika!
You, too, Varvara and Valentina!
Pashka is here, and dawn, and spring, and life!”
And they are not reluctant then to rise
From sweet and grassy beds, with udders full,
Cow-gossip-lowing to the dairy barn.
Anastasia lights the ikon lamp
And crosses herself as her mother taught.
She’ll brew the tea, the strong black wake-up tea,
And think about that naughty, handsome Yuri
Who winked at her during the Liturgy
On the holiest midnight of the year.
O pray that watchful Father did not see!
Breakfast will be merry, an echo-feast
Of last night’s eggs, pysanky, sausage, kulich.
And Mother will pack Babushka’s basket,
Because only a mother can do that right
When Father Vasily arrived last night
In a limping Lada haloed in smoke,
The men put out their cigarettes and helped
With every precious vestment, cope, and chain,
For old Saint Basil’s has not its own priest,
Not since the Czar, and Seraphim-Diveyevo
From time to time, for weddings, holy days,
Funerals, supplies the needs of the parish,
Often with Father Vasily (whose mother
Begins most conversations with “My son,
The priest.…”), much to the amusement of all.
Voices fell, temperatures fell, darkness fell
And stars hovered low over the silent fields,
Dark larches, parking lots, and tractor sheds.
Inside the lightless church the priest began
The ancient prayers of desolate emptiness
To which the faithful whispered in reply,
Unworthy mourners at the Garden tomb,
Spiraling deeper and deeper in grief
Until that Word, by Saint Mary Magdalene
Revealed, with candles, hymns, and midnight bells
Spoke light and life to poor but hopeful souls.
The world is unusually quiet this dawn;
The sun is new-lamb warm upon creation,
For Pascha gently rests upon the earth,
This holy Russia, whose martyrs and saints
Enlighten the nations through their witness of faith,
Mercy, blessings, penance, and prayer eternal
Now rising with a resurrection hymn,
And even needful chores are liturgies:
“Christos Voskrese – Christ is risen indeed!”
And Old Kashtanka limps around the yard
Snuffling the boundaries on her morning patrol
Christos Voskrese! Republished from https://thefellowshipoftheking.net/2016/04/08/christos-voskrese/comment-page-1/#comment-1886
Fellowship of the King posted: " (For Tod) The world is unusually quiet this dawn With fading stars withdrawing in good grace And drowsy, dreaming sunflowers, dewy-drooped, Their golden crowns all motionless and still, Stand patiently in their ordered garden rows, Almost as if they wait"
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Sunday, April 3, 2016
School Bus Seatbelts - or Grave Markers? - weekly column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@Aol.com
Seatbelts or Grave Markers
As we follow our own little trails through the woods of life we tend not to think about things we don’t think about, as Bertie Wooster might say.
One thing we were made to think about last week was the usefulness of seatbelts in school busses. We should indeed thank God that no young person was killed, and now we should thank God further by doing more ourselves to protect young people.
After the deaths of children in a school vehicle rollover near Beaumont ten years ago, I naively assumed that the “they” – which in truth is “we” – had done something about seatbelts. Beyond a bit of p.r. and some weak, vague, and unfunded suggestions by the State of Texas, well, no.
As Representative James White wisely says, "Here's the point, when it comes to the safety of our students…it’s not a state function or a local function. We need to prioritize and get it done."
And to paraphrase a popular slogan, when seconds count for your child’s safety, the State of Texas is years away.
School busses need seatbelts now because little humans traveling in those large tin cans need seatbelts if something goes wrong. We have heard all the excuses: “The kids won’t wear them,” “You can’t make them,” “They’ll just unbuckle them,” “It’s not cost-effective,” and on and on. None of those excuses is worth the life of a kid. Seatbelts need to be in place.
We are all caused out, and are quite properly suspicious of all the professional made-in-China ceramic ribbon appeals, all the raising-awareness puffery, and all the obviously errant nonsense, such as the idea that pouring a bucket of water over your head will cure a disease. Many of the scandals concerning the alligator-shoe boys and girls in charge of old and famous charities diverting great sums of donated funds to themselves appear to be real.
But here we have an immediate and local challenge which can be met by immediate and local solutions. Each year we all give to assist local school and out-of-school youth programs such as band, FFA, soccer, choir, baseball and softball leagues, and others. Let us add seatbelts to the mix. Seatbelts don’t make music, raise cows, kick field goals, sing prettily, or hit home runs, but they are nifty in their ability to save the lives of the children who do.
Let us look forward to seatbelt barbecues, seatbelt parking-lot sales, seatbelt dinners, seatbelt carwashes, seatbelt raffles, seatbelt bingo games, seatbelt bake sales, and seatbelt something-a-thons, all organized by local people whom we know and trust, not by out-of-town profit-professionals who take a cut.
Seatbelts, as unexciting as they are, are so much happier to think about than grave markers.
-30-
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
An Unscheduled Existential Stop - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
An Unscheduled Existential Stop
Worn-out old khakis, old shirt, and old shoes
Coffee maker singing its matins and lauds
Sunlight falling through the air like a yawn
A book left open from the night before
The cat posing prettily in the window
Pretending to be wholly unimpressed
By tasty hummingbirds beyond the glass
This Saturday of no expectations
When the best clothes for this holiday are
Worn-out old khakis, old shirt, and old shoes
Friday, March 25, 2016
The Mysterious Closed Maybe and Unclosed Maybe Interstate - a three-dot column
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
The Mysterious Closed Maybe and Unclosed Maybe Interstate
This was all on the ‘net, and so must be true:
In Glen Rose, Texas a young mother stuffed her two-year-old into an oven and began cooking the infant.
Well, hey, it’s all about family, right?
But then the evil State intruded, and trampled all over the mother’s parental rights by saving the baby’s life.
+++
The leader of the Cuban protest group Ladies in White, Berta Soler, was invited to meet with President Obama. She was arrested hours before his plane landed, and so won’t be available for a chat.
“We’re filling out the forms now. We haven’t decided if [she] suffered a heart attack or died while trying to escape.” – not exactly Casablanca
+++
At a campaign rally a famous radio guy called a small boy to him and told the audience that the boy had been fasting one day a week for a correct outcome to the election.
Really? Parents are allowing a child to fast? Give that kid a sandwich and then a bumper sticker for his tricycle.
Fasting is an optional religious discipline for healthy adults. A healthy adult’s duty is to see that his child takes good nutrition every day.
+++
The Washington Examiner reports that Google has been involved in trying to overthrow the government of Syria. William Randolph Hearst, thou should be living at this hour.
+++
China is buying American companies, one after another. Maybe including Google. Well, that’s all right, as a nation of inspirational singer-songwriter-webinators we don’t need jobs, right?
+++
There’s a fellow in New York who, for a thousand dollars, will raise you from the dead. And, yes, he is his own church, with a 501C and everything.
Okay, how do you arrange for your resurrection with this guy? Do you pay in advance, or do you make a really long, long distance call after you’ve gone to your temporary reward? Is there time to pop down to the nearest ATM?
+++
Much praise of and gratitude to local first responders, local churches, and local individuals who quietly gave much in time and money to help the flood victims. They didn’t ask for praise or gratitude, but then they are not into me, me, me-ness.
As for that multi-national that was given so much radio time – nah.
+++
And, finally, a local ghost story, or perhaps one of those Unsolved Mysteries moments: Is Interstate 10 at the Texas / Louisiana border open? Is it closed? Is one lane open? Are two lanes open? In which direction? Says who? By what authority? How can anyone know?
Maybe New York’s tax-exempt resurrection guy can tell us. For a thousand bucks. Around a crystal ball: “Late at night, when the moon is full, on lonely roads along the Sabine River you might see a ghostly white Texas Department of Transportation pickup truck being pursued by dim, flickering lights…”
-30-
Not-So-Wildflowers - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Not-So-Wildflowers
Wildflowers are not really wild, you know
They are not forward like catalogue blooms
Demanding the best seats in the garden
And the most delicate of drinks and soils
Wildflowers smile softly, sweetly at the sun
Shy fairy-folk of forest, field, and fen
Dancing through the warm mid-year months and then
Withdrawing quietly at summer’s end
Like children yawning, and wanting their beds -
Wildflowers are not really wild, you know
Monday, March 14, 2016
Should Chocolate Candy Boss You Around? - a frivolity
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Should Chocolate Candy Boss You Around?
In life there are many occasions when individuals are subject to instruction: parents and teachers help guide children in their growing up, the State of Texas regulates traffic for the greater good (although one notes that the drivers of those big Texas Department of Transportation pickup trucks often seem to exhibit a cavalier attitude about speed, turn signals, and lane choices), and ministers lead the faithful in observance of religious teachings. The mature adult accepts all this.
Except TXDOT. What is it with them?
However, being lectured by a bit of foil-wrapped chocolate is too much.
For years now some living rooms have been decorated with directives instead of attractive pictures, nanny-ish signs reading “Love God and Do What Thou Wilt,” “Live, Love, and be Happy,” “Dance as if No One Were Watching,” and other Mary Poppins-esque precepts.
Now we’re being nagged by chocolates through theological and philosophical treatises printed inside the wrappers.
Here are some recent examples, with appropriate human responses:
V. Revive the art of conversation.
R. At a Donald Trump rally?
V. Give someone a compliment.
R. After verifying with an attorney that said compliment is not sexist, racist, LGBT-ist, or culturally insensitive.
V. Watch more cartoons.
R. Chuck Jones as John Keats?
V. Why not?
R. You first – why?
V. Treat Tuesday as Friday.
R. Participate in the Stations of the Cross, have a fishburger, and then attend a football game?
V. Keep them guessing.
R. Keep whom guessing? About what? Why?
V. Be more loquacious. Start with learning the word loquacious.
R. Just what we need, a smart-mouthed chocolate with a dictionary.
V. Kiss and tell.
R. No gentleman tells.
V. Solve arguments with a dance off.
R. Imagine Rommel and Montgomery doing the tango. In bikinis.
V. Stay up until the sunrise.
R. Folks on the night shift always stay up until the sunrise and later. What’s your point?
V. Lend an ear and a chocolate.
R. I come to bury Caesar, not to fatten him.
V. Get dressed up with no place to go.
R. You wear a cartoon tee to church. What do you call dressed up?
V. Choose less ordinary.
R. Given the loopiness of our times, the ordinary is probably a better choice.
V. Give them something to talk about.
R. Why? Adults choose their own topics of conversation. You’re not it.
So what are all these sugar-sodden orders-of-the-day about? Has Hershey re-defined itself as a church? Is Nestle channeling the Dalai Lama? Are the Dove people receiving telepathic commands from Obi Wan Kenobi? Will Cadbury’s do counseling, hypno-therapy, and weddings?
Many people complain that certain government agencies have become unconstitutionally authoritarian. Evidence suggests, however, that is seasonal candies who have gotten a bit too pushy. Maybe it’s time we put those pushy treats in their place: “Get ‘em out! Yeah, that Baby Ruth. And the Mars Bar. That’s right, get ‘em out! Gettttt ‘em out…!”
But all the humans should be nicer to each other. TXDOT, especially, needs a hug.
-30-
Thursday, March 10, 2016
A Baton, but no Orchestra - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
A Baton, but no Orchestra
Majestic in their yellow-painted shields
Imperious trumping traffic lights command
Through glares of green and red, and garish orange
Obedience in all the traffic below
How sad - there is no traffic to command
Though once there was, before the lordly lights
Were lifted up: a little town was here
With pharmacies, feed stores, hardware, and cafes
And a movin’-picture show. All gone now.
And then the state put up the traffic lights
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Frost on the Windshield - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Frost on the Windshield
Poor Kirbyville is mostly closed this morning
The cinder-block bakery is empty
And the only fast-foodery’s not yet open
Its neon tubes still dark against the stars
But the stop ‘n’ rob is busy enough
The gas pumps serving as anchorages
For trucks and boats, some headed to the lake
After taking on coffee and gasoline
And sausage-biscuits greased and slammed, and wrapped
In yellow paper of such painful sadness
Mhall46184@aol.com
Frost on the Windshield
Poor Kirbyville is mostly closed this morning
The cinder-block bakery is empty
And the only fast-foodery’s not yet open
Its neon tubes still dark against the stars
But the stop ‘n’ rob is busy enough
The gas pumps serving as anchorages
For trucks and boats, some headed to the lake
After taking on coffee and gasoline
And sausage-biscuits greased and slammed, and wrapped
In yellow paper of such painful sadness
Monday, March 7, 2016
No Barbaric Yawps, Please - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
No Barbaric Yawps, Please
Nobody writes poetry anymore
With patience gentling iambs into place
As if they were jewels set into a crown
Or Aves whispered through the Rosary
Nobody writes poetry anymore
Crafting images with a workman’s skill
(or bashing them through ‘prentice clumsiness!)
And shyly dreaming them into the world
Common nobility common to all -
Nobody writes poetry anymore
Attack of the Killer Cocktail Sombreros - op-ed
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Attack of the Killer Cocktail Sombreros
Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain is one of the most admirable people in history. As a 34-year-old professor at Maine’s Bowdoin College he was beyond military age in 1862 but decided to enlist in the 20th Maine Infantry because of his profound belief in freedom for all.
Chamberlain is best known for his leadership in the Battle of Gettysburg. Surrounded and almost defeated by the 15th Alabama during a fierce battle among rocks and trees, with few remaining men still able to fight and out of ammunition, Chamberlain did something quite illogical – he ordered a bayonet charge, which saved the Union position. Unlike Viet-Nam era generals, who led from radios in air-conditioned bunkers, or modern generals, armed with pearl-handled resumes’, who lead from luxurious executive jets, Chamberlain led from the front.
In an era of theatrical facial hair sculpturing, Chamberlain adorned himself with a death-or-glory moustache that Asterix the Gaul might find a bit too much. General Chamberlain’s ‘stache all by itself could have frightened some of the Confederates on Round Top into surrendering.
Chamberlain fought in numerous battles, and was awarded the Medal of Honor, small compensation for the pain, infections, and operations he suffered all his life from multiple wounds.
After the war, Chamberlain served as governor of Maine and then as president of Bowdoin College. Chamberlain was not a backslapping fund-raiser; he also taught, at different times, every subject in the curriculum except science and mathematics.
In 1880, as commander of the militia, Chamberlain was called upon to resolve violence in the state capital of Augusta due to a contested election. He and his men ejected armed occupiers from the capitol and kept the peace for twelve days until the Maine supreme court made a ruling. On one occasion during this near-rebellion he faced down a mob that was determined to reoccupy the state house and kill him. He turned down bribes offered by both sides, being a man of honor instead of a deal-maker, and that was the end of his political career.
Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain died in 1914, honored for his courage, gallantry, and love of freedom.
Bowdoin College, another of Chamberlain’s great loves, does not at present appear to love freedom as much as he did. Students are being punished, and might be expelled, over sombreros.
Sombreros.
The putative objects of cultural appropriation and hurt-feelingness are not even real sombreros, but rather 2-3” party decorations, surely made in China, which a couple of giddy lads balanced on top of their heads after an encounter with a few glasses of merriment several weeks ago.
Perhaps the decorations should have been little homburgs, derbys, top hats, Prussian picklehauben, berets, trilbys, busbys, fedoras, fezes, kepis, kippahs, tams, tarbooshes, turbans, Mao caps, hoodies, cowboy hats, Irish walking hats, or workers’ hard hats. But wait – possibly neither the administration nor the students at progressive Bowdoin have any familiarity with workers’ hard hats.
Bowdoin’s administration collapsed tearfully into full Aunt Pittypat smelling-salts mode while accusations of cultural bias and the We Want Answers thing flew through the clean Maine air like General Pendleton’s cannon fire over the wheat fields at Gettysburg.
Yet the college did not cancel its annual Cold War party (that Stalin – what a fun guy) the same night of the attack of the cocktail sombreros, nor did the cafeteria modify its Mexican day menu the same week.
As a teenager applying to Bowdoin, Chamberlain needed help in prepping his knowledge of Greek and Latin, since the mastery of both was required for admission. Now, one supposes, young Chamberlain would have to demonstrate proficiency
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Not a Good Comrade - poem
Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
Not a Good Comrade
No man is free if he gives up himself
And disappears into sad howlingness
Subsumed in sinking, shrieking subservience
Thrall-teed in the overseer’s livery
A label on a shabby baseball cap
A programmed pixel smeared across a screen
A rusty caltrop cast into the road
A shifted pea under a shuffled thimble
As crowd, as mass, as demographic noise -
No man is free if he yields up himself
Thursday, March 3, 2016
The Eye of Sauron is Upon Us - op-ed
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
The Eye of Sauron is Upon Us
There are frightened little men who in their feverish brains see conspiracies in everything: your license plate number is a secret code imposed by the Masonic-Vatican-IRS Continuum so that unmarked Canadian helicopters can track you, Queen Elizabeth is a diabolic lizard warrior in disguise, fluoride is a Communist mind-control drug, traffic signals beam your image and DNA to the Martian outpost on the dark side of the moon, and algebra is the language of Satan.
Well, okay, that bit about algebra being satanic is true.
But that Solomon’s Temple was a cleverly disguised alien spaceship, well, no. Sorry.
After Justice Scalia died several weeks ago, the mansies who live in their allotted gigabytes cluttered the planet’s microwave signals with fantasies about Justice Scalia being a member of a golly-gee-super-secret-girl-haters-blood-cult called The International Order of Saint Hubert.
Well, the International Order of Saint Hubert really exists, and it is so secret that it has a web site: http://www.iosh-usa.com/.
Justice Scalia was not a member of the International Order of Saint Hubert, which is no more significant than the fact that he was not a member of the Rotary Club and did not have a Barnes & Noble discount card.
The IOSH is indeed a hunting fraternity, one with a long and remarkable history, including the fact that its Grand Whatever was murdered by the Nazis because he wouldn’t let Hermann Goering join.
Here are the conspiracies carried out by the Order of Saint Hubert:
To promote sportsmanlike conduct in hunting and fishing
To foster good fellowship among sportsmen from all over the world
To teach and preserve sound traditional hunting and fishing customs
To encourage wildlife conservation and to help protect endangered species from extinction
To promote the concept of hunting and fishing as an intangible cultural heritage of humanity
To endeavor to ensure that the economic benefits derived from sports hunting and fishing support the regions where these activities are carried out
To strive to enhance respect for responsible hunters and fishermen
Wow. Scary stuff, huh?
The values of the International Order of Saint Hubert are not at all different from Justice Scalia’s equally exclusive club to which many of us belong, the Hunting Brotherhood of Grandpa’s Old J.C. Higgins Shotgun.
There is a Saint Hubert, whose conversion story is worth reading. He is the patron saint of hunters, mathematicians, opticians, and metalworkers.
Not a bad fellowship, that.
And, after all, mathematicians are in special need of our prayers.
-30-
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
How Lovely Not to be in Jail Tonight - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
How Lovely Not to be in Jail Tonight
How lovely not to be in jail tonight
And have to share a small and smelly space
Under an eternal fluorescent light
With a dude who don’t like yer race or yer face
How grand to have a bed that’s long enough
With sheets and pillows and blankets all clean
And not a bare mattress sour-stained and rough
Against a wall of cinder blocks in green
And howlings from a soul who has lost life’s fight -
How thankful not to be in jail tonight
Snakes are on the Move - op-ed
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Snakes are on the Move
Snakes are on the move. I saw my first snake of the spring in my yard the other day. He was a white male of medium height, bald or shaven-headed, aged 50-60, and hadn’t missed any meals lately. He slithered onto the property in a really primo, perhaps new Dodge Ram double-cab pickup, light-colored, with no signs or markings on the side. The security camera was a little fuzzy about the numbers.
And, yes, he, he began with that decades-old script of “We just finished a project over there, and…”
“No.”
“…leftover asphalt…”
“No.”
“I gather you’ve had a bad experience with…”
“No.”
You just can’t get into a conversation with fast-talking snakes; they know all sorts of forked-tongue-in-the-door responses and dodges and come-ons.
You probably know his cousin, that electronic attorney in Nigeria who is handling the estate of a distant relative you didn’t know you had who died and left you all his money if you will only give your bank numbers and…
No.
As the weather grows warmer more reptiles will infest the yard at the front door with their magazine subscriptions (“I’m working my way through college”), the man or woman looking at you through your window in the night and asking to use your phone, the carloads of committees with their strange little booklets decorated with crude drawings of the saved and unsaved, with poorly-written theses only a few brain synapse misfires away from those of the strange little men who assure you that the Second Temple was really an alien spaceship based on a technology that the lizard-something federal government doesn’t want you to know about, and the miscellaneous peddlers who begin with abject pleas of assistant which morph quickly into implied threats as their eyes dart about looking for whatever objects might be quickly picked up on a later visit when you’re not home.
And when you don’t buy their magazines or firewood or ideologies they sometimes tell you that you don’t love Jesus, and that Jesus wouldn’t turn away a poor man down on his luck, so down on his luck that he owns a better car than you do.
All this is only an annoyance for most of us, but for the more vulnerable the cold-blooded can be a real threat, both physical and emotional. Remembering those who are vulnerable helps you say no, and remembering those who have suffered tough times and sought out honest work helps you say no to the wandering opportunists looking for a victim.
Yup, the weather is warming up, and the snakes are beginning to move.
-30-
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Murus Durus - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Someone asked if I could write a poem about a classroom wall:
Murus Durus
It’s hard to snuggle up to concrete blocks
Even when they’re layered in pastel paint
And fitted with a door (though no one knocks)
And high, thin windows rather cute and quaint
They make four walls that wrap us all around
To keep the warmth within, the cold without
And hold the roof up there, far off the ground
So all is cozy in our cool hangout
But though this space is nice, and even rocks -
It’s hard to snuggle up to concrete blocks
And Would You Hand Me My Cigarettes? - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
And Would You Hand Me My Cigarettes?
Idleness should be an honored vocation
Practiced by layabouts and slugabeds
For whom Bertie Wooster is perfection
And merry old Sergeant Schultz a hero
For good folk, dawn is only a rumor
And the concept of work an obscenity
No gentleman ever takes exercise
The only weight he lifts is his coffee cup
In amused salute to passing joggers:
Idleness should be an honored vocation
Monday, February 15, 2016
What Are You Giving Up For Lent? - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
What are you giving up for Lent?
What are you giving up for Lent?
Well?
What?
Catholics. Maybe we should give up Catholics:
The me-me-support-me Catholics
More Catholic than we can ever be
Catholics more Catholic than anyone
Those clever keyboard commando Catholics
What are you giving up for Lent?
Adjectives, sure, but nothing Catholic
"World Economy in Death Spiral" - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
“World Economy in Death Spiral”
In cold and slanting February light
A poor tenacious leaf gives up at last
And spirals down in the northering wind
Around and down onto the sorrowing earth
Where backyard cats in their thick winter coats
Fence-sit and catch a few dignified rays
While Astrid-the-Dachshund in circles yaps
In ground-bound outrage
In cold and slanting February light
The world still spirals as it always has
Unconnected Mutterings in Search of a Thesis - op-ed maybe
Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Unconnected Mutterings in Search of a Thesis
Meryl Streep, who has won three Academy Awards ™, complains that that the Academy Awards™ are unfairly dominated by white males. Apparently not winning four Academy Awards™ makes her a victim.
+++
The New York Post says that hundreds of army dogs who served in combat were dumped when they were no longer useful. Well, that’s pretty much what the federal government does with human veterans.
+++
Whole Foods (are there Incomplete Foods?) is / are rumored to be considering adding tattoo parlors to help make buying cereal for the kids a more Bucket ‘O’ Blood Saloon experience. Where would a grocery store site the disfigurement kiosk? Next to the vegetables?
+++
The arcana of caucuses / cauci, delegates, pledged delegates, superdelegates, hissy-fits falsely labelled as debates, electors, and the electoral college suggests that maybe our democracy is no more evolved than a riot among paleolithic cave clans. Or English soccer fans.
+++
We read on the little plastic box that lights up and makes noises that the late Justice Antonin Scalia was pronounced deceased via the telephone. Over the telephone? Really? Over the telephone? One hopes this report is an error.
Determination of death by telephone – so there’s an ap for that?
Given that the passing of a supreme court justice was verified and adjudicated so casually, one can only wonder how lesser folk in Presidio County are disposed of at the end of their earthly pilgrimage.
Reverend Mike Alcuino of the parish church Santa Teresa de Jesus administered the last rites to Judge Scalia. Not over the telephone.
+++
What’s with all the geriatric candidates at the top of the trash heap this election cycle? All those old people kvetching at each other sound as if they should be down at the local Denny’s complaining about everything over their senior specials. Just like me.
+++
Finally, in a month of continued wars, hunger, violence, economic collapse, refugee disasters, and the existential agony of Kanye and Taylor, this cri de coeur must be heard as a cri-without-borders cri for the cri-less: what cruel, villainous wretch thought up the spelling for “February?”
-30-
Sunday, February 7, 2016
I and II Casseroles - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
I and II Casseroles
Mrs. Cohen and Mrs. Ionas
Slipped quietly out of the women’s side
Of the old Corinthian synagogue
To set out casseroles and pita bread
And left Saint Paul speaking mostly to men
And to those silly young women who might
Have lifted a finger to help, but no
I just don’t know what’s wrong with girls these days
But then - that’s what my mother said about me
It’ll be okay. And do we have enough cups?
The Chinese Groundhog Flips its Shadow - op-ed kinda /sorta
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
The Chinese Groundhog Flips its Shadow
Americans are a people of faith. We believe that if a bunch of old drunks wearing frock coats and shabby top hats roust a rodent out of its sleep the Cincinnati Patriots will win the SuperDooperBowl. Or something.
If a presidential candidate sees his shadow he or she wins the Iowa caucus, whether or not he wants a caucus, and then there are four more weeks of winter because the Chinese bought the groundhog and all rights, copyrights, and patents appertaining thereunto, and, like, stuff.
Groundhogs from China crumble in the sunlight, you know. They just don’t make groundhogs like they used to, nossirree Bob and Chang.
No one is quite sure what a caucus is. Is it one of those spacecraft-looking coffee makers, or is it some sort of prize that can be pinned to a corkboard next the children’s 4H awards?
In Iowa delegates to the summer political conventions are chosen by people moving about in groups, possibly a Hegelian melding of chess and dodgeball (please note that Ford and Chevy people never play dodgeball). This confusion is said to constitute a caucus, just like it says in the Constitution.
Some six Iowa precincts were declared to have tied results, which is remarkable, and the ties were broken and delegates chosen by tossing coins, which is even more remarkable.
More remarkable still is that six different coins in six different precincts chose delegates for the same candidate. Maybe the coins were texting each other via unsecured servers.
The Grassy Knollistas were quick to challenge the coins’ citizenship. Were they natural-minted coins? Were any of them from, say, Canada? Is our next president being chose by a perfidious foreign Looney or Tooney and not by a God-fearing, Yankee-Doodle Susan B. Anthony?
Who would have thought that coins were permitted to vote?
If coins can decide the results of elections, then they can determine the outcome of football games. After the playing of the National Anthem, the referees, coaches, team captains, and other members of the 1% meet in the multi-million-dollar stadium paid for by working people with proper jobs, and the anointed flamen flips the sacred coin into the air, asking the gods of earth, water, fire, air, and four bars of connectivity to pick a winner.
And so it comes to pass, but not with a pass.
One team sulks and demands an instant replay, the other team sprays fizzy-water from Flint, Michigan about wastefully, and everyone goes home with his neuromuscular systems intact.
Everyone takes away a Chinese tee reading “I Survived SuperDooperBowl L” and featuring a graphic of a groundhog voting because, after all, this is what the lads suffered and died for at Valley Forge.
-30-
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Christmas Lights in February - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
(Of indolence I have not taken down the lights on the back porch. Louisiana ‘Cajun acquaintances advise me that adding a few purple and gold ribbons transforms Christmas lights into Mardi Gras lights.)
Christmas Lights in February
Lingering lights, bright Christmas lights, aglow
In merry defiance of the darkness
As winter closes in for the chill
Tiny colored lights in repudiation
Of the joyless censorship of place and time
A triumph of kitsch over criticism
A charming waste of non-renewables
A celebration of the ephemeral
Since celebration is itself eternal -
Lingering lights, bright Christmas lights, aglow
Friday, February 5, 2016
Descent - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Descent
The moon has not yet risen above the trees
Nor has the frost yet fallen upon the fields
January stars, blue, brilliant, and cold
Halo an aircraft marked in flickering lights
Every seat-back standing at attention
Lap straps fastened, tray tables locked away
Attendants making a last litter patrol
“The temperature in Houston tonight is…”
An old canvas bag on the carousel
And who will be waiting at the exit?
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Cleopatra's Royal Barge - op-ed
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Queen Cleopatra’s Royal Barge
Palace courtiers are even now ensuring that their next master will be presented with yet another Imperial Death Star upon his or her earthly apotheosis. There are already some seven or eight cars (“limousine” is a low-prole usage) in the presidential harem, but court functionaries know how important it is to keep the Grandissimus Supreme Sultan, Republican or Democrat, entertained with newer and more expensive toys and luxuries.
Just why any president should swan about in a Wal-Mart-size sled that even the sleaziest drug dealer would dismiss for its vulgarity eludes the thoughtful citizen of this republic.
The answer, known to office-gnomes throughout history, is that without expensive diversions the sultan-aspirant might have time to remember that he was elected to be the servant of the people, not their all-knowing, all-wise, all-this-and-that autocrat, and begin to wonder why he is obscured by a cloud of unctuous briefcase carriers and door openers.
The recent history of the presidency indicates clearly what a psychological god-emperor temptation the White House is. Early in every election cycle each candidate drifts into referring to himself in that pompous first-person-plural – “we” instead of “I.” Already he is / they are anticipating sitting in the big chair behind the big desk, playing with the little buttons that light up and summon the servants.
A true queen, king, bishop, prince, emperor, or other noble personage employs the first-person-plural only when speaking officially, not otherwise. The Queen says “we” when giving a speech from the throne, but at all other times remembers the “I.” The distinction is lost on the not-so-humble successors to the humble rail-splitter, Honest Abe.
No recent president has seemed to avoid confusing self with state, and none has cried “Away with this bauble!” (Oliver Cromwell was a regicide, a mass-murderer, and a genocidal maniac, but this one quotation from him is useful) when presented with fleets of giant flying palaces and show-off automobiles, and battalions of Praetorians and Streltsy (some of them sober).
No presidential candidate has promised abstinence from courtiers and palaces and toys and the arrogance of power. Not even the Socialist candidate has said he will forswear the presidential fripperies paid for by the sweat of the workers he purports to love.
In Ye Olden Days a Roman emperor on his inauguration was said to have been assigned a functionary to whisper constantly a repeated caution during the procession. The phrase might be loosely translated as “Man, you ain’t no thing; you’re just a guy who’s going to die like everyone else, so don’t get the big head.”
If that is not true, it ought to be, and it ought to be true now.
And the first thing the new president should do is get rid of all the Queen Cleopatra-ish royal barges as part of his first duty – to remain connected with humanity.
-30-
Sunday, January 31, 2016
For Otto Rene Castillo - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
For Otto Rene Castillo
“…and there burned away in them…tenderness and life”
From “Intelectuales Apoliticos”
Translated by Rev. Raphael Barousse, OSB
Cloud-castles swirl among the mountain peaks
While lower down the jaguar rules and roars
And lower still, along a dusty road
A benevolence of United Fruit
The army burns a broken man to death
His final scream a hymn of victory
Ascending with the sacred smoke and ash
As incense over the altars of the poor
A blessing on the land of eternal spring
Hope swirling down like clouds from the mountain peaks
Friday, January 29, 2016
A Proletarian Fellowship of Death - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
A Proletarian Fellowship of Death
To have been lost in Indo-China is
A core, a center asymmetrical
Perhaps a hinge, or some other weary
Metaphor for one’s life, a series of
Experiences in no time without time
Frivolous merriment and satanic horrors
Which have led or misled, influenced, moved,
Inspired, infected, focused, fuzzed
Almost every thought, intent, act, motion
That can be credited or discredited
To those of us who were in confusion there
And who have come to realize or been made
To realize this late in life that all -
All - is predicated on murders and lies
And wearing Sauron’s ring has compromised
Any claim of “Gott Mit Uns” or "S nami Bog."
Thus, given that much of one’s life is an exile -
A village shunning, an embarrassment
A stumbling memento mori denied
A former person who should go away -
One question now remains:
What’s for breakfast?
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
For Ngo Dinh Diem - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
For Ngo Dinh Diem
No flame eternal burns over your lost grave
Unknown beneath an hourly parking lot
Or maybe out back among the garbage cans
No guards of honor pace in mirrored boots
Forth and back in mummery choreographed
Along a field of honor’s concrete walk
No busloads of tourists leave gift-shop wreaths
No bands or speeches mark your martyrdom
Nor would you need them
Nor would you want them
For your small flame is on an Altar set
Unfinished Lines - poem
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Unfinished Lines
January is an unfinished line
An incomplete cover judged by its book
A door ajar, a mislaid fountain pen
Unanswered letters bound with rubber bands
Or stacked and listed on a little screen
A chessboard king still menaced and in check
Wandering iambics not yet sorted out
Unfinished business from Porlock Parva -
January is but a fragment of
A life still littered with unfinished lines
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