Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the American Legion - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe,
Alcoholics Anonymous, and the American Legion

The American Legion meets in the parish hall
Third Tuesday every month (missed you last time)
Old men in funny hats saluting the flag
And then again re-living AIT

Their perimeter shrinks as children rehearse
Their songs and dances for tomorrow night
In honor of Nuestra Senora -
With Juan Diego’s tilma She blesses the Americas

In a classroom across the way the AA
Are fighting their dragons as manfully
As good Saint George, and so in very truth
They are fighting dragons for all of us

This is Our Lady’s cocina, open to all:
Everybody meets in the parish hall

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

The Last Day - And Now, Unemployment

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

The Last Day - And Now, Unemployment

Not much longer now before we and Keats
Must pack up all our impedimenta
Into a photocopier paper box
And after a Wal-Mart-cake reception – leave

No one will notice us, and that’s okay
Thomas and Frost will meet us with the car
Greene will suggest that we go for a drink
The designated driver might be Shakespeare

With Fermor beside him reading the map
Guareschi and Wodehouse laughing in the back
Lewis and Chesterton will bring the beer
And Leonard Cohen will adjust his hat

In God’s name we will sit under the apple trees
And tell merry tales of the lives of kings


     And whether we shall meet again I know not.
     Therefore our everlasting farewell take:
     For ever, and for ever, farewell…
     If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
     If not, why, then, this parting was well made.

       -Julius Caesar V.1.115-119
 
 
After a year of rumors and contradictory bits of information, the once-busy satellite campus of my community college surrendered the buildings today.
 
A commitment among several institutions requires me to haunt the mostly empty halls (like Marley's Ghost) for the spring to finish teaching classes, but for the staff, a casual dismissal into unemployment now.
 
The Psalmist tells us not to put our trust in princes; I would add "...or in elected bodies."


Monday, December 10, 2018

Harney & Sons Logo Teacup $9.95 - rhyming Couplet

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Harney & Sons Logo Teacup $9.95

I love few things better than a cup of tea
But with that advert – shouldn’t they pay me?

Sunday, December 9, 2018

"We Are Pregnant!" - a rhyming couplet

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

"We Are Pregnant!"

“We are pregnant!” the husband happily cried
“No, we are not,” the tired wife knowingly sighed

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Autumn Night Across the Border Wire - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Autumn Night Across the Border Wire

I.

How wonderful to sleep in a soft, warm bed
Beneath a roof against the blowing night
Of wind and rain rattling each window pane
As winter falls upon this weary world

The busy-ness of day is all complete
I wind the clock and so unwind myself
My little dog burrows toward my feet
Contented with her life, with warmth, with me

And now a few more pages to be read -
How wonderful to sleep in a soft, warm bed

V: Deo gratias


II.

But good enough to sleep in an old, worn bag
Beneath a tarp against the blowing night
Of wind and rain rattling the plastic flaps
As winter falls upon the weary world

The emptiness of day is incomplete
And bigger guys stole my cheap Timex watch
Now slithering rats burrow toward my feet
And bite to see if they can feast on me

Another night to be drained and bled
I remember - long ago – sleeping in a bed

R: Your Deo gratias ain’t much help

Friday, December 7, 2018

If Wars Were Subject to Copyright - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com


If Wars Were Subject to Copyright

If wars were subject to a copyright -
Then candidates would have to pay a fee
Each time they appeal to the glorious past
When standing for the election, the proceeds
To fall like bloody weregeld on the dead
Who can never cash the checks anyway

If wars were subject to a copyright -
Then Hollywood movies should pay their dues
Whenever a bold, scripted commando,
Body-waxed muscles glistening with makeup,
Advances up Hamburger-Helper Hill
With a patriotic song on his lipstick

If wars were subject to a copyright –
The generals’ memoirs, the admirals’, too,
Would pay to lighten the blighted young lives
Of soul-fragmented lads whose pain and blood
Won the air-conditioned another star
And unctuous applause at the officers’ club

If wars were subject to a copyright -
The President would have to pay his bill
Each time he banged the lectern for a war,
That glorious dux bellorum dux-ing
From the rear, while a squadron of pigs fly
Above, powered by pixie-dust and smoke

Thursday, December 6, 2018

A Conversion Experience... - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

A Conversion Experience at the Bright Light Free Will Four Square Full Gospel Missionary Temple Outreach of the Lord Jesus Christ 501C3 of the Lamb Ministries the Reverend Doctor Master Bishop Apostle Brother Billy-Bob Hairdo and His Honored First Lady Disciple Irma-Mae a-Brangin’ Messages and a-Suckin’ in Government Grant Money


Here is a list of the thangs we is aginner
If you do any of this stuff, yew air a sinner


(Th’ Lord accepts all major credit cards for His work)

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Yes, But I Don't Own a Motorcycle - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Yes, But I Don’t Own a Motorcycle

Are you a Viet-Nam veteran, old man?

          Yes, but I don’t own a motorcycle

And do you really love America?

          Yes, but I don’t own a motorcycle

And are you saved?

          Beats the H*** outta me

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Annoyme.com - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Annoyme.com

An Advertising Monologue in Upspeak

So I just went on annoyme.com
And like I found my ring you know like on
Annoyme.com where you will find
Those unique designs that you just can’t find

And those really famous great big name brands
AND YOU KNOW WHICH ONES I’M TALKING ABOUT
Annoyme.com has the selections and styles
You want to see at annoyme.com

I’m going back on annoyme.com
Today, right now, while I should be at work

(Repeat many times each day for weeks and weeks until the listener changes radio stations.)

Monday, December 3, 2018

Christmas Music and the Fire Alarm in McDonald's Share the Loudspeakers - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Christmas Music and the Fire Alarm in McDonald’s Share the Loudspeakers

What Child is this WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP! WHEEP! WHOP!
WHEEP!...
In Mary’s lap is sleeping…

“It’s okay, folks; it was just the muffins.”

Whom angels greet…
                                       “I don’t want a muffin, thanks.”
With anthems sweet…

Sunday, December 2, 2018

An Advent Rosary - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com


An Advent Rosary

Dark Advent is a silent waiting time
When autumn chills into pale, year-end days
And joy seems smothered by hard-frosting rime:
Cold is the debt that spring to winter pays

The seasons link to seasons in a chain,
The chain of being that links, also, our souls,
Seasons and souls, not always without pain:
Summer’s wild lightning falls and thunder rolls.

Linked to us too, rose by mystical rose,
This holy Advent is Our Lady’s Grace
To us who wait in exile sad; she knows
Where souls and seasons sing, the Night, the Place.

Seasons and souls, linked to days dreary-dim:
Follow them with roses to Bethlehem

Saturday, December 1, 2018

The Last Week after Pentecost - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Last Week after Pentecost

A calling-crow-cold sky ceilings the world,
Lowering the horizon to itself
All silvery and grey upon the fields
Of pale, exhausted, dry-corn-stalk summer

The earth is tired, the air is cold, the dawn
False-promises nothing but an early dusk
As calling-cold-crows crowd the world with noise,
Loud-gossiping from tree to ground to sky

Soon falling frosts and fields of ice will fold
Even those fell, foolish fowls into the depths
Of dark creek bottoms where dim ancient oaks
Hide darkling birds from wild blue northern winds

Crows squawk of Advent disapprovingly,
For Advent-autumn drifts to Christmastide
When all the good of the seasonal year
Then warms and charms the house, the hearth, the heart

Friday, November 30, 2018

That First Night in Viet-Nam - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

That First Night in Viet-Nam

In the old French barracks, shelvings of cots
No ventilation – that was for officers
The night was hot, wet; sleep was difficult
No one knew anyone or anything

A siren. Life paused. Should we do something?
We barefooted outside in our skivvies
Hot. Silent. Still. Stuffy. Respirations
Is this a false alarm? Is it over now?

BLAM!

Boom. BOOM! Boom-boom-boom-boom. BOOM!

And during a pause

a small voice said, “I don’t think they want us here.”

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham - Still Frenemies after all These Years - column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham –
Still Frenemies after all These Years

The latest Robin Hood film is reported to be a financial failure, and there is no surprise in that. Simply to see the screen shot used in advertising, a vague figure huddled in an impossibly large hood and a quilted coat that would be too fey for a junior high cheerleader, is to be warned off.

The last good screen Robin Hood was the fox in the Disney cartoon (1973). After that, the various films dump onto the viewer a series of pouty, sullen, hoody Robin Hoods who look like sniveling taggers who have just discovered that their spray paint has run out. The modern versions are dimly lit, muddy, dark, brooding, and, worst of all, preachy. Howard Pyle (https://www.biography.com/people/howard-pyle-9449021) cobbled together from the old stories the most famous book about Robin Hood, and the best films all borrow from Pyle. The worst films ignore Pyle, and are as Miz-Grundy-screechy as the remake of Murphy Brown.

Robin Hood is, first of all, meant to be fun. A writer or producer who ignores that exhibits disdain for his audience. There are good arguments for Robin Hood being either a historical man or possibly a combination of real outlaws. The earliest tales and ballads present an often naughty, almost Chaucerian bad boy, and one who loses fights as often as his wins them. Pyle’s Robin Hood is a much better man, with a much better sense of justice, but still he is great fun.

Douglas Fairbanks’ 1922 silent turn as Robin Hood is a wonder film, and you get to participate by reading the dialogue for yourself. The piano is optional.

The most famous Robin Hood is that Tasmanian devil himself, Errol Flynn, in the beautifully lit and staged 1938 version. The ultimate Snidely Whiplash, Basil Rathbone, a hero of the First World War (https://sistercelluloid.com/2015/11/05/world-war-i/)is the snideliest, whiplashiest Sheriff of Nottingham ever, and beautiful Olivia de Havilland the most elegant Marian. Even the scene where Marian is trying to conceal a letter from the Sheriff is brilliant in its table-top choreography.

Richard Todd, who fought at the Pegasus Bridge in 1944 (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/5460628/D-Day-I-was-the-first-man-out-of-the-plane-over-Normandy.html) starred in a very good Disney live-action film in 1952.

For your ‘umble scrivener, the best Robin Hood of all is Richard Greene (Royal Armoured Corps, Second World War). His television series was filmed in England (which looks like England, not California) from 1955-1959, brilliantly produced by Hannah Weinstein (https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0918438/). M. Weinstein’s 142 half-hour shows are rattling good fun indeed, as any Robin Hood film should be, but she also develops characters and situations with a now rare sense of justice and historical sensitivity. Her half-hour plays are ethical without ever lapsing into screeching and preaching.

Weinstein also allows her Robin Hood sometimes to find himself in comical situations as in the old tales, but still G-rated.

The Robin Hood stories are great fun, and the movie versions will again be joyful when the producers stop misusing Robin and his merrie men as loudspeakers for hectoring audiences about how wrong they are about everything.

And, hey, producers, turn on the lights – the sun does shine in England.

As that archer, swordsman, hero, lover, and righter of wrongs might say, quoting from Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard, “I’m STILL big. It’s the pictures that got small.”

-30-


The Night Patrol - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

The Night Patrol

Outside with the dogs for their night patrol
A bright flashlight for fear of wild winter wolves
Death-singing from the tree-line beyond the field -
My little dogs bark boldly, but stay close

They’re never permitted beyond the fence
That Hadrian’s Wall of doggylization
Through which they plot escape on sunny days
But not on this wolf-howling moonlit night

Better to have a chew-toy than to be one
So with them I close the door against the dark

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

A Manifesto Against Manifestos (no "hey-hey, ho-ho," please)

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com


A Manifesto Against Manifestos

“You can silence me, but you can never convince me”
-graffiti on a bulkhead in Viet-Nam

I am not woke; I am awake. No one
Commands me how to see and think and write
I am not one of The Masses. I am.
I am not one of The People. I am.

I choose as my teachers Dostoyevsky
And Byron, too, and Shelley, Keats, and Waugh
Ahkmatova, Shakespeare, Chesterton, and Lewis -
Not some embalm’ed face upon a screen

I am not obedient, and no one
Commands me how to see and think and write

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Homage to Pascal - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com


Homage to Pascal

For Thomas V. Morris and William J. Bennett
In gratitude for a wonderful summer at Notre Dame

O, thou dry Jansenist! A night of fire
Left in your pocket like a shopping list
Sitting quietly in a room, will never burn
To set your sere and withered soul alight

And one might wager that your calculator
In brass, for counting brass, touches not the heart
Which has its reasons which the mind knows too
Pensees which never make a night a day

Forgive thou, then, this lettre provinciale
And count it as a friend’s memorial

Monday, November 26, 2018

The Natural Curiosity of Lot's Wife - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

The Natural Curiosity of Lot’s Wife

When Lot’s wife shook with
Anger or fear, and looked back -
What there did she see?

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Love and the Sunday Funnies - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com


Love and the Sunday Funnies

We will not turn on the radio today
We will repudiate its veto over us
We will silence its news and its noise
We will not wait upon its appointed hours

We will sit in the windowlight and read
Maybe the Great Books, or maybe the funnies
                   -The funnies!
Let’s read the funnies to each other, and laugh
About Charlie Brown and his kite-eating tree

And joyfully fling the funnies and ourselves
Upon the sunbeams, all over the floor

Saturday, November 24, 2018

A Child Whispers to Himself - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

A Child Whispers to Himself

Someday I will wake up in the morning
And not be wrong
Someday I will look outside the window
And not be wrong
Someday I will not make up my bed just right
(or maybe not make it up at all)
And not be wrong
Someday I will open the refrigerator
And not be wrong
Someday I will choose my clothes for the day
And not be wrong
Someday I will say something I think
And not be wrong
Someday I will toast a slice of bread
And not be wrong
Someday I will read a book because I like it
And not be wrong
Someday I will visit a friend of my choosing
And not be wrong
Someday I will admire the pictures I like
And not be wrong
Someday I will play in the leaves with the dogs
And not be wrong
Someday I will order from a menu
And not be wrong
Someday I will eat my dessert first
And not be wrong
Someday I will hug only people I like
And not be wrong
Someday I will buy the coat I want to wear
And not be wrong
Someday I will smile at the girl next door
And not be wrong
Someday I will write poetry openly
And not be wrong
Someday I will say, “That’s a pretty car”
And not be wrong
Someday I will say, “I like the fog and mist”
And not be wrong
Someday at the store I will buy some little thing
And not be wrong
Someday I will use the shampoo I like
And not be wrong
Someday I will take long, hot, soapy baths
And not be wrong
Someday I will tell someone about my dreams
And not be wrong

Someday…

Someday I will leave this unhappy house
And not look back
And not be wrong