Quotations from the 45th President

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

Quotations from the 45th President

“Golf? No, never tried it. But now let me tell you about hunting squirrels when I was a child…”

“I swear to you, the American people, that I will never appear in public in knee-pants, a baseball cap, or those bug-eyed sunglasses that look like a dragon-fly wearing an oil spill.”

“Today I told the Air Force and the Marine Corps to take away the presidential jets and helicopters, and to employ them for medevac purposes for our sick and wounded soldiers. I don’t need all that look-at-me junk and you sure don’t need to pay for it.”

“I told my (husband / wife) that if (he / she) didn’t shut up in public I was going to ship (him / her) to a (monastery / convent) in the Ural Mountains of Russia until this presidential term is over.”

“This morning I apologized to the British people and asked if we could have back that bust of Winston Churchill. Then I had a GS-2 clerk telephone Hamad Kharzi in Afghanistan and advise him that he might want to make his funeral arrangements because as of noon tomorrow I’m withdrawing military protection and leaving him to the mercy of his own folks.”

“I want to apologize to the American taxpayer for all the security that’s around me. I’m told it’s a necessity but I know it cuts me off from reality. I promise you that I’ll do my best to reduce the private armies with which so many politicians, including presidents, surround themselves. If the ordinary working American doesn’t have security guards on the job or at home, why should he have to pay more taxes so others can have them?”

“This morning I withdrew all limousines and drivers from federal service, including the presidential ain’t-I-special-mobile. If an undersecretary for the secretary to the czar of the Bureau of Resume’-Building can’t find his way to work on the salary you’re paying him, then maybe he’s not qualified for the job.”

“I can’t require this, of course, but today I ask all state governors, beginning with the Republicans, to get rid of their taxpayer-funded helicopters and limousines.”

“But folks, you’ve got to do your part. Only about half of you are voting, and so no wonder you’ve got fat governors flying to their children’s ball games while asking you to sacrifice. Don’t complain if you’re not voting.”

“During this presidency the presidential dinnerware and silverware will gather dust. In the White House folks will eat like you do at your house. Also, the self-conscious attempts at culture are over – no more bogus poets who don’t know an iamb from an anapest. No more musical evenings. You elected a president, not a cruise director.”

“Several congressmen suggested to me that somehow it would be to this nation’s advantage if a great many 19-year-old Americans were to die in Libya, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and God knows where else. I assured those congressmen that if this nation ever goes to war it will be with a congressional declaration as required by the Constitution, and that their children and mine would be conscripted as enlisted soldiers and sent into combat first.”

“And, now, on the second day of this presidency…”

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