"No Problem, Guys; Have a Blessed Day"

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

No Problem, Guys; Have a Blessed Day

When did “Have a blessed day” replace the equally irrelevant noise “Have a nice day?”

Several weeks ago I was in New Orleans, gasping in the heat, when a couple of fellows asked for my camera. I said no. Then they asked for money. Again I said no. Then one of them growled “Have a blessed day,” and the two stumbled away.

The “have a blessed day” really meant “go to (somewhere far, far under even the possibility of a rainbow).”

More recently a singer / songwriter (no doubt) presented himself uninvited at my door to try to sell me what he alleged (and who am I to judge? The Bible says you shouldn’t judge.) was fresh meat. Since I seldom purchase proffered and possibly putrefying perishables from the backs of pickup trucks in high summer, I declined the offer to inspect and buy whatever the peddler had decaying in the heat in my driveway by employing my New Orleans “no.”

He was persistent in urging conversation, asking about the neighbors and so on, and my repeated use of my now well-exercised New Orleans “no” exasperated him. Finally he told me to “have a blessed day” in a somewhat hostile manner, rather like my acquaintances in New Orleans, which suggested to me that, whatever he intended for the day, there was no blessing for me in it.

What does “have a blessed day” mean? It typically means nothing. As used by the shop assistant or the waiter, “have a blessed day” is but conventional sales exchange noise replacing the venerable “have a nice day,” said day maybe being a nice day or perhaps it could be a bad day but either way a day so decidedly yesterday, unlike “have a blessed day,” which is so today.

As used by someone whose expectations you have not met, “have a blessed day” appears to be a curse, just like the “I’ll pray for you!” screamed at you by someone who has deemed you unworthy of salvation.

Even with the perhaps Pollyanna-ish presumption of a positive purpose, “have a blessed day” still says nothing. What, after all, is a “blessed day” as opposed to, say, an unblessed day? All days are created by God, and so all are in that sense blessed. What, then, are the speaker’s intentions for you? If he wished to bless you, he could say so: “God bless you.” That’s clear enough, and your day, as well as your porch and your dog and your washing machine, would all come under the protection of that blessing. Or does he wish the day, not you, to be blessed?

“Have a blessed day” has infected, like a pus-oozing tattoo, the speech of young waiters, the gum-chewing sort who would address even an assemblage of supreme court justices and elderly nuns (for the purpose of this illustration you must now imagine supreme court judges and elderly nuns out on the town together) as “you guys,” sometimes “y’all guys.”

And then, when you thank the waiter (as you do, because your momma raised you right) for a coffee refill, more often than not he now nasals the cliché “no problem” instead of speaking manfully the elegant and correct response, “you’re welcome.” You would like to think that his momma raised him right too, but that in his youth he has fallen under the wicked influence of bad companions who chant “no problem” over and over in the scullery because they have seen too many Harry Potter movies, and that he will grow out of it.

I haven’t actually heard a waiter say “No problem, guys; have a blessed day” all together, but I know it’s happened. That’s why the economy collapsed; Chinese waiters never say “No problem, guys.”

If you are blessed (forgive me) with a waiter or waitress who refers to you as a lady or a gentleman, says “sir” or “ma’am,” “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome,” and avoids the guy thing, that fine young person deserves a little extra on the tip.

Have a blessed day, y’all guys. No problem.

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