Mack
Hall
You Own That
Hostess Twinkie®
If
you were to say “Hostess CupCake®” this week, folks might reasonably think you
were alluding to any of the industrial-strength, military-groupie housewives
associated with some of this nation’s free-range, untamed-heart generals,
steely-eyed men focused on the mission.
Hostess
CupCakes® were made of chocolate with a gooey white center, and featured a
glazed top with a series of white squiggles.
Other companies now make similar sugar-bombs, but the Hostess CupCake®,
although modified in the 1950s, enjoyed a history dating back to 1919.
If
you want a chocolate cupcake you’ll have to go with another brand, for Hostess,
purveyors of hollow calories to generations, is no more. The bakers’ union blames the company, and the
company blames the bakers’ union. Perhaps we should all just get along and agree
that the demise of Hostess Brands is George Bush’s fault.
Y’r
‘umble scrivener went looking for a Hostess CupCake® last week, though he
hadn’t had one since his boyhood. He
considered enjoying a last trip down amnesia lane as a salute to TWA, J. C.
Higgins, PanAm, Westinghouse, Studebaker, Woolworth’s, Philco, Lone Star Beer, Kodak,
Marx toys, and the concept of America as a wealthy nation. Alas that he found none, for in the afternoon
the online auctions were dealing in Hostess products for thousands of dollars.
Thus,
if you see your child enjoying a delicious Hostess product, yank it out of his
mouth, give him a can of nutritious asparagus, and hie thee (or Ho Ho® thee) to
the internet.
Just
in time for the holidays, 18,500 former Hostess employees are now looking for
work more meaningful than selling their old uniforms or some leftover Twinkies®
wrappers on the ‘net. Their resumes’
don’t boast of honorary consulships, parties in Tampa, jetting around the world
in the government executive jets their taxes paid for, dining with General
So-and-So, schmoozing with Secretary Thus-and-Such, Harvard MBAs, or book deals. Their union probably didn’t do them any good,
but neither did the unnecessarily high price of utilities and transport,
punitive tax structures for businesses and workers, over-regulation, a culture
that despises workers, and the hemorrhaging of what remains of our economy by dropping
expensive explosive toys in undeclared wars protecting people who hate our guts
and our Hostess CupCakes® but who love to take our bribes.
Perhaps
at Christmas the unemployed former Hostess and associated workers can trudge
through the snow to let their children peer through the windows of the government
mansions of our government leaders and look at the Christmas trees and gifts they
can never enjoy themselves before making their forlorn way to Christmas dinner
at a soup kitchen. As they say Grace they
might perhaps hear the roar of yet another government executive jet flying yet
another government executive to a wine-tasting tour of Australia or to a
government executive conference in Switzerland or France. The unemployed mom or dad can point to the
vapor trail and tell the cold, hungry child “You own that.”
-30-
No comments:
Post a Comment