Monday, January 5, 2015

Iconic Bucket List, Actually


Lawrence Hall


 

Iconic Bucket List, Actually

 

Some amusing folks at Lake Superior State University have published their 40th annual list of overused and euphemistic words and phrases, including “polar vortex,” “skill set,” “swag,” “foodie,” and “enhanced interrogation” (http://www.lssu.edu/banished/).

 

The anonymous writers refer to the tiresome words and phrases as “banned” and “banished,” but one hopes those strong verbs are mere hyperbole.

 

This is all jaw-droppint iconic fun, actually, and actually all of us tire of overused iconic words and phrases, actually.  I mean, like, actually, you know, actually keep calm and talk to the jaw-dropping iconic hand because actually at the jaw-dropping end of the iconic day when the iconic fat lady actually sings ya gotta give 1001% to iconic, inclusive, and sensitive jaw-dropping iconic fate because actually iconic Mother Nature’s wrath is a jaw-dropping shoo-in for the bucket list.  Jaw-dropping, actually. And iconic.

 

And, hey, television news: why do you say “Next, but first?”  Almost every evening the on-air reporter says something to the effect of “Next we’ll have Greg with the weather, but first…”  In the event, what is truly next is a series of advertisements, followed by what used to be called a human interest story, and then, finally, the weather report.  Thus, Greg is not only not next, he is far from next, and so has time to go out for a coffee before he must be in place before the cameras.

 

Actually (so to speak), Lake Superior State University is not free of verbal clutter itself.  Note the filler language on their admissions page:

 

At LSSU, we're redefining the classroom and preparing students for a world where the only constant is change. Students at LSSU go beyond the traditional classroom experience with real-world, hands-on, engaged learning experiences. (http://www.lssu.edu/admissions/).

 

“The only constant is change,” “real-world,” “hands-on”, and “engaged learning experience” are the sort of puffery that appeared, like fungal growth, in high school mission statements (remember mission statements?) before the turn of the century.  These examples of verbal clutter should be featured on LSSU’s list of banned words.

 

On the admissions page appears a promotion for LSSU’s honors program:

 

The Honors Program at LSSU is for highly motivated students that wish to develop their abilities and skills in exciting and innovative ways that go beyond the classroom. The central goal of the Honors faculty is to actively engage the Honors students in the process of their undergraduate education.

 

Given that this blurb features four capitalization errors, a pronoun error, numerous redundant modifiers, and a split infinitive, the admissions people might want to ask the word people to proofread their puffery.

 

They could put it on their iconic bucket list, actually.

 

-30-

 

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