Lawrence Hall
Iconic Bucket
List, Actually
Some amusing folks at Lake Superior State University have
published their 40th annual list of overused and euphemistic words
and phrases, including “polar vortex,” “skill set,” “swag,” “foodie,” and
“enhanced interrogation” (http://www.lssu.edu/banished/).
The anonymous writers refer to the tiresome words and
phrases as “banned” and “banished,” but one hopes those strong verbs are mere
hyperbole.
This is all jaw-droppint iconic fun, actually, and actually
all of us tire of overused iconic words and phrases, actually. I mean, like, actually, you know, actually keep
calm and talk to the jaw-dropping iconic hand because actually at the jaw-dropping
end of the iconic day when the iconic fat lady actually sings ya gotta give 1001%
to iconic, inclusive, and sensitive jaw-dropping iconic fate because actually iconic
Mother Nature’s wrath is a jaw-dropping shoo-in for the bucket list. Jaw-dropping, actually. And iconic.
And, hey, television news: why do you say “Next, but
first?” Almost every evening the on-air
reporter says something to the effect of “Next we’ll have Greg with the
weather, but first…” In the event, what
is truly next is a series of advertisements, followed by what used to be called
a human interest story, and then, finally, the weather report. Thus, Greg is not only not next, he is far
from next, and so has time to go out for a coffee before he must be in place
before the cameras.
Actually (so to speak), Lake Superior State University is
not free of verbal clutter itself. Note
the filler language on their admissions page:
At LSSU, we're redefining the
classroom and preparing students for a world where the only constant is change.
Students at LSSU go beyond the traditional classroom experience with
real-world, hands-on, engaged learning experiences. (http://www.lssu.edu/admissions/).
“The only constant is change,” “real-world,” “hands-on”,
and “engaged learning experience” are the sort of puffery that appeared, like
fungal growth, in high school mission statements (remember mission statements?)
before the turn of the century. These
examples of verbal clutter should be featured on LSSU’s list of banned words.
On the admissions page appears a promotion for LSSU’s
honors program:
The Honors Program at LSSU
is for highly motivated students that wish to develop their abilities and
skills in exciting and innovative ways that go beyond the classroom. The
central goal of the Honors faculty is to actively engage the Honors students in
the process of their undergraduate education.
Given that this blurb features four capitalization
errors, a pronoun error, numerous redundant modifiers, and a split infinitive,
the admissions people might want to ask the word people to proofread their
puffery.
They could put it on their iconic bucket list, actually.
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