Mack Hall, HSG
Deflating the
Float Ball
The thought of political functionaries escorting citizens
to the potty is creepy / stalky, but maybe not unexpected. After all, for years the national government,
unable to cobble together a budget, has nonetheless regulated the capacity of
the toilet tanks to which on some occasions they herd citizens.
Late in January the Democrats of the House of
Representatives held what the news calls a retreat at a hotel in
Philadelphia. Part of the security was
provided by the D.C. Capitol Police, exercising their strong extra-territorial
arm of D.C. law in the state of Pennsylvania.
Whatever the occasion or purpose of the retreat (and why
do they call it that?), the House Democrats suffered the punishment of having
to listen to a speech by Vice-President Joe Biden. Ouch.
Reporters present reported (because reporting is what
reporters do) that if they bugged out of the speech (and who wouldn’t!) to
visit the euphemism they were escorted by an official Democratic Party staffer.
Maybe the EPA sent them so that the reporters wouldn’t
be…you know…beneath illegal 150-watt incandescent light bulbs.
Hey, who wouldn’t want to be the up-and-coming political functionary
who is deputed to watch the watchers wee-wee?
This is why young Americans study political science in our great
universities.
How is service on the potty patrol scored on the
staffers’ annual written evaluation?
And what do the staffers say over coffee or a brew after
their shift?
“Say, Biff, rough day?”
“Watching a CNN crone in the john. ‘Rough day’ – ya think?”
“Don’t feel like Steve Kroft, okay? I and my 4.0 GPA from Columbia fetched toilet
paper for some Fox newsies who wanted to know if it were free-range.”
“Bartender…!”
What is unclear is why some of the Honorable Members of
the House determined that reporters can’t go…you know…without minders. Is the Fourth
Estate notorious for wrapping the House chambers? Do they need reminding to wash their hands and check their zippers and buttons?
Estate notorious for wrapping the House chambers? Do they need reminding to wash their hands and check their zippers and buttons?
The reader wonders how Edward R. Murrow, Douglas Edwards,
Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, and Ernie Pyle would have responded to twenty-something
functionaries supervising their occasional necessary visits.
If someone suggests that some aspects of our government
seem to be in the toilet, well, maybe that’s not a metaphor.
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