Monday, February 2, 2015

Politicians and Potties


Mack Hall, HSG


 

Deflating the Float Ball

 

The thought of political functionaries escorting citizens to the potty is creepy / stalky, but maybe not unexpected.  After all, for years the national government, unable to cobble together a budget, has nonetheless regulated the capacity of the toilet tanks to which on some occasions they herd citizens.

 

Late in January the Democrats of the House of Representatives held what the news calls a retreat at a hotel in Philadelphia.  Part of the security was provided by the D.C. Capitol Police, exercising their strong extra-territorial arm of D.C. law in the state of Pennsylvania. 

 

Whatever the occasion or purpose of the retreat (and why do they call it that?), the House Democrats suffered the punishment of having to listen to a speech by Vice-President Joe Biden.  Ouch.

 

Reporters present reported (because reporting is what reporters do) that if they bugged out of the speech (and who wouldn’t!) to visit the euphemism they were escorted by an official Democratic Party staffer.

 

Maybe the EPA sent them so that the reporters wouldn’t be…you know…beneath illegal 150-watt incandescent light bulbs. 

 

Hey, who wouldn’t want to be the up-and-coming political functionary who is deputed to watch the watchers wee-wee?  This is why young Americans study political science in our great universities.

 

How is service on the potty patrol scored on the staffers’ annual written evaluation?

 

And what do the staffers say over coffee or a brew after their shift?

 

“Say, Biff, rough day?”

 

“Watching a CNN crone in the john.  ‘Rough day’ – ya think?”

 

“Don’t feel like Steve Kroft, okay?  I and my 4.0 GPA from Columbia fetched toilet paper for some Fox newsies who wanted to know if it were free-range.”

 

“Bartender…!”

 

What is unclear is why some of the Honorable Members of the House determined that reporters can’t go…you know…without minders.  Is the Fourth
Estate notorious for wrapping the House chambers?  Do they need reminding to wash their hands and check their zippers and buttons?

 

The reader wonders how Edward R. Murrow, Douglas Edwards, Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, and Ernie Pyle would have responded to twenty-something functionaries supervising their occasional necessary visits.

 

If someone suggests that some aspects of our government seem to be in the toilet, well, maybe that’s not a metaphor.

 

-30-

 

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