What Was in the White House Package?

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

What Was in the White House Package?

That the Not-So-Secret Service seems to consist only of superannuated frat boys carrying firearms is old news, so there is no surprise about their latest comedy routine from The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad.

Paging Detective Frank Drebin…

In their latest (as of this scribbling) comedy routine, a couple of the Secret Action Hero lads drove to the White House under the influence of a late night of merriment and good fellowship, and compromised an investigation into a suspicious package (are there any trusting packages?) left at the gates.

If the local coppers / flatfoots / Peelers / gumshoes / Sherlocks / constabulary / Officer Semanskis had been permitted to investigate we would have known all about the package within a day or two. Given that The Happy Hour Cocktail Commandos are in charge, we can only speculate about what was in the suspicious package left at the White House gates. Some possibilities:


1. An advance copy of the new federally mandated cookbook for schools and hospitals: Gruel – It’s Not Just for Victorian Orphanages

2. Transcripts of a former secretary of state’s misplaced emails

3. A map to Vladimir Putin’s secret hideout where he plans world domination, beginning with Disneyland

4. A copy of the U.S. Constitution

5. A book of Hillary’s cookie recipes

6. Pizza

7. The complete The Brady Bunch Meet The Flintstones on DVD, including The Lost Episodes

8. An invitation to join Governor Christie and his wife for a game of bridge

9. The remains of a fence-jumper who misjudged speed, distance, height, and those really sharp spikes

10. The complete edition of late-night TV Secret Service Jokes in three DVDs dropped by a renegade drone

But I must close now. It’s midnight, and there’s a knock on the door. Wonder who it could be…

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