Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Meteorologists of
Existential Doom
Is that mysterious rustling in the bushes outside your
window at night a meteorologist gone rogue and lusting for human blood?
Meteorologists are now said to be part of the Illuminati Globalist
Banker Lizard People Masonic Vatican Planet X plot to depress, suppress, and
oppress us (Meteorologists
are the new targets in global social media misinformation - ABC News).
Do meteorologists indulge in weird rituals in secret tunnels
beneath Hobby Lobby?
An increasingly fashionable conspiracy theory (it’s on the
InterGossip so it must be true) maintains that meteorologists manipulate
weather data for nefarious purposes and can even change the weather at the
command of their mysterious masters.
No one seems to have a reason as to why a scientist would destroy
his or her own credibility and career to do such a silly thing as lie about a
thermometer reading.
And as for changing the weather, is there an app for that? Apple
or Microsoft? Could the local weather guy give us some cool weekends this
summer?
There are narratives of the sort of people whose screens are
super-glued to their wrists threatening weather people for their good work in
reporting the weather.
This is as, well, stupid as blaming a journalist for the bank
robbery he merely reports.
Journalists have always been threatened by private and
public interests. President Lincoln had a few editors jailed and that jumped-up
little corporal Napoleon had at least one shot, but it takes the uber-progress
of the 21st century to threaten someone with violence for examining
raw weather data from all over the world and then concluding the strong
possibility of rain tomorrow.
Summer air is dank with humidity, and the times seem dank
with hateful conspiracy theories based on nothing more than gossip so fatuous
that it would embarrass a 17th century Wallachian peasant to repeat
it. We should do better.
In the meantime, beware of meteorologists, especially during
a full moon.
If you stay late at work walk with a friend to the parking
lot and remember that there might be a meteorologist lurking in your car’s back
seat.
And have you heard about the new cop show? Live: Cops
on Patrol Against Organized Meteorologists.
And watch the skies. Watch the skies!
-30-
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