Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Texas Standard Time - Whoop!
Our Texas State Representative, James White, has proposed a constant Texas Standard Time independent of any other time ordered by any other state or by any federal agency. This is a fine idea.
Like Texans themselves (except for some of the in-laws over in Newton County), Texas Standard Time would be steady and dependable. People everywhere, when asked the time, would check their custom Texas A & M watches and say, “Well, I’m not sure about here, but in Texas it’s half-past Bevo…”
Texas Standard Time would be the standard for the world. In Greenwich the Royal Observatory would be shut down and a memorial plaque posted on the door as a remembrance of when Greenwich Mean Time meant something.
I know that Representative White is anxious to hear my suggestions in the matter of Texas Standard Time, and so I make the follow suggestions for designating Texas State Hours:
Midnight - As Mickey Gilley says, the girls get prettier at closing time.
0100 - Goodnight, Moon. Say, that would make a great book title.
0200 - All-night truckers and shift-workers reach for another cuppa coffee.
0300 - Reveille, reveille, reveille! Rise and shine! It’s a great day to serve the United States Navy! Or, better yet, the Texas Navy. Coffee.
0400 - Time for some to get up and go milk the cows. Coffee.
0500 - Time for others to get up and get ready for work at the shop or the office. Coffee.
0600 - Get the kidlets ready for school with a real breakfast. The naughtiest of the kidlets will, on the way out the door, present Mom with a teacher-note to be signed. Coffee.
0700 - The Belle-Jim on the courthouse square in Jasper serves breakfast and enlightening conversation that Plato and Socrates might envy. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Coffee.
0800 - The school-zone flashers switch off; however, beware the Mad Momma turning into elementary school driveway on two wheels without any lights or turn signals, with a cell ‘phone in one hand, a bottle of that Fuji water in the other, and yelling at the kids in the back seat. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Coffee.
0900 - There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Coffee.
1000 - the public library opens for the day. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Coffee.
1100 - Clients and customers are waiting impatiently. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea (pronounced “icetea”).
1200 - You’d like to go for lunch, but the boss says… There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea.
1300 - There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea.
1400 - There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Dang, this iced tea is old.
1500 - This is the hour you desperately need a cup of coffee but the guys and gals who seem to hang out by the coffee machine all day drank it all. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number.
1600 - Time to milk the cows again. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Fresh iced tea.
1700 - “Junior, do you have any homework?” There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea.
1800 - “Missie, do you have any homework?” There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea.
1830. The Wheel. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea.
1900 - There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number. Iced tea.
2000 - In a civilized world, Gunsmoke would air on CBS. Someone’s used all the hot water. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number.
2100 - So the dog isn’t quite house-trained after all. There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number.
2200 - “Mom! Would you help me with this homework I forgot?” There’s a sales cold-call from some crook piggybacking on a local telephone number.
2300 - What? Are you still up?
All funnin’ aside, we are blessed in our state representative, James White; our state senator, Robert Nichols; our U.S. Representative, Brian Babin; and our U.S. senator, John Cornyn. I’ll say something nice about Senator Cruz after he shaves. Dang, Ted, what are you thinking?
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