C-Rations, Lieutenant Macbeth, and Mirth Displaced - poem for Memorial Day

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

C-Rations, Lieutenant Macbeth, and Mirth Displaced

The drunken Navy cook was suppurative 1 with tats
And the supply boat was always sunk or late
Our officers would not release the c-rats
So one night someone forced a lock, and we ate:

Tin-can crackers, mother////ers and ham
Mystery meat with beans in tomato sauce
Beans and baby ////s and some heavy jam
Beef slices with potatoes in sphagnum moss

But Lieutenant Macbeth, a lord over the earth
Found us, and then he much displaced the mirth 2

1 Cf. Chaucer’s cook in The Canterbury Tales
2 Macbeth III.IV.132-133

In the end, Lieutenant Macbeth (not the ////’s real name) could do nothing since the looted c-rats were so widely distributed that he’d have had to write up the entire unit.

Memorial Day Only it's not Memorial Day - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Memorial Day Only it’s not Memorial Day

Memorial Day observed on a Saturday
Y’all bring y’all’s folding chairs to the memorial
A wall of names next to the pumping station
Donations accepted (but not audited)

An’ Lord we just wanna thank you for these men
Who were willing to sacrifice their all
On the beaches of Normandy and stuff
And bless our brave, God-fearing president

I’ll wear my made-in-China U.S. tie
There’ll be fire-trucks. That’ll be something, I guess


And hey man thank you for your service I guess you seen some action huh my grandpa was in World War II so I like know all about it and you weren’t in a real war that’s what my uncle said and he oughta know ‘cause he don’t like to talk about it you know like them real veterans got this thousand yard state like I’ve got this Jap Nambu I found at a garage sale like you’d really like it you need to come out some time and we’ll like bust a few caps and like stuff Trump’s sure gonna show them A-rabs, like, you know MAGA like in this movie I seen one time…

Laid-Off Airline Employees Start a Restaurant - snarly poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Laid-Off Airline Employees Start a Restaurant

“Please remove everything from your pockets
And place them in this little tray (NOW, please)

Which we will then pass around to strange people
Without you being able to see who they are.”

“Will all merlot-class diners please line up
At the door while we verify your existence?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but your meal will be delayed
For about two hours. Would you like some water?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but your meal will be delayed
While our maintenance team works on the grill.”

“I’m sorry, miss, but your meal will be delayed
While our maintenance team repairs the oven vents.”

“Yes, the breakfast special is $7.95
But there is a $10 surcharge for the plate.”

“We are sorry, miss, but it appears that
Your silverware has been re-routed to Denny’s.”

“We find that seating twenty customers
At a four-foot table is more efficient.”

“We are having a little turbulence
In the kitchen; please fasten your seat belts.”

“For safety purposes, secure all ‘phones
And stow them until after the salad.”

“We ran out of entrees fourteen tables back.
There is no more coffee. Want a doughnut?”

“However, we have lots of vodka
For the belligerent drunk behind you.”

“Thank you for dining with us this evening
(Yeah, yeah, like we even care about you).”







Most airline employees are wonderful, but those who aren't are certainly memorable in their indolence and insolence. I'm especially reminded of the Air Canada cabin attendant who was far more interested in her Harry Potter book than doing her job, which seemed to consist mostly of snarling about passengers asking for coffee that ran out 14 rows before, and why all that was left for breakfast was an embalmed sticky bun. I think she became a trainer for United.

Man: Dog's Best Friend - a couplet

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Man: Dog’s Best Friend

We must forever grateful be that Dog
Ages ago domesticated man

All-Purpose Graduation Speech Soup - graduation column (a re-post from last year)

Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com

All-Purpose Graduation Speech Soup – Simply Stir and Serve

Keep the torch alive to pass to a new generation with the key that unlocks the road to the future follow your passion the unemployment will follow we’ve been through some amazing times together make a difference to thine own self be true commencement means a beginning not an ending as we go forth life is a journey not a destination we made it all the hard work we’ve put forth to this point in time these are the best time in our lives as one door closes another door opens because a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step to make the world a better place trust your instincts you don’t find education in books we are the future bright with promise some see the future and ask why but we see the future and ask why not Habakkuk 2:7 we did it I can’t believe we’re here believe in yourself live your dreams to be all that you can be God has a plan for you we have the responsibility to build a new world if opportunity doesn’t knock build a door don’t follow the path blaze a trail because there is no one like you because you are an individual just like those other hundred or so people your age and dressed just alike because life is what happens while you’re making plans live, laugh, love you have to look through the rain to see the rainbow dance like nobody’s looking (even though they are, and they’re laughing at you, not with you) aim for the moon and if you miss you’ll hit the moon (or something) life is not waiting for the storm to pass it’s about dancing in the rain because you are a new generation called to miss 100% of the shots you don’t take because we were all one big family who have lived, laughed, and loved together hey and remember the time (name) barfed on the stairs we’ll all have that shared moment to remember together we can’t save all the starfish but I can make a difference for this one because as a great man Robert Frost said in “The Road Not Taken” we can make a difference for all the starfish in the sea of life today is the first day of your rest of your life oh, the places you’ll go like maybe eternal stasis in front of a smartphone I don’t know why they asked me to be the speaker shout-out to Mom wear sunscreen because your future’s so bright close your eyes and remember when hey, an air horn, that’s so cool, no one’s ever done that before woo-hoo I want to congratulate each of your on your incredible talents and abilities as you begin your journey to a bright and shining future because we are the best class (name of school and a shout-out to the mascot)) has ever graduated (since last year) a dream is a wish your heart makes and you can become anything you dream to be or wish to be or something #lifehack #hashtag now go forth and make your lives exceptional although on Monday morning we’ll wake up and realize we’re just some more unemployed Americans.

-30-

YOWL - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

YOWL

“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed…”

-Allen Ginsberg

No. He didn’t.

He helped mediocrities self-destruct
Through formless howlings in their lonely minds
He pushed them to their deaths with obscene smirks
No more connected than foul faeces flung

Against the good, the beautiful, the true
He pitied himself, and called it rebellion
He squealed out his pimply scatologies
He destroyed the weaklings he could have helped

The best minds of his generation pitied him
But kept their children far away from it

Enough of Gossamer! - rhyming couplet

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Enough of Gossamer!

Enough of gossamer! Enough of it!
It’s just another word for spider ****!

Topics for Discussion During Sunday Dinner with the In-laws - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Topics for Discussion During Sunday Dinner with the In-laws

Knee surgery Buc-ee’s Alabama
Diarrhea Buc-ee’s Bastrop back surgery
Buc-ee’s Fort Worth foot surgery Buc-ee’s
New Braunfels abdominal surgery

Buc-ee’s Texas City divorce Buc-ee’s
Port Lavaca gastro-intestinal
Series Buc-ee’s Pearland fever and chills
Cardiac workup Buc-ee’s Lake Jackson

Blood pressure pills Buc-ee’s Madisonville
Bypass surgery Buc-ee’s Brazoria

Soft Dachshund, Warm Dachshund, Little Ball of Fur - doggerel

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Soft Dachshund, Warm Dachshund

With thanks to everyone who gives us Young Sheldon and The Big Bang Theory

Soft doxie
Warm doxie
Little ball  of fur
Happy doxie
Sleepy doxie
yap, yap, yap! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap! Bark! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap! Woof! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap! Grrrrrrr! YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap !YAP! YAP! YAP! Yap! Yap! Yap!

What Was Jesus Writing in the Dust? - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

What was Jesus Writing in the Dust?

-Saint John 8: 1-11

It is the topic of many homilies:
What was Jesus writing in the dust there
At the feet of the woman those men didn’t like?
Possibly he was writing to you and me:

“I know what you do when no one’s watching.”

Or

“I know what you say in self-deception.”

Or

“I know what you think when you are silent.”

Or

“I’m going to fry your *ss if you hurt my child.”

And then there is this other mystery:
Why was there dust in the Temple, anyway?

A Toy Fire Truck and a Real Ambulance - weekly column

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

A Toy Fire Truck and a Real Ambulance

A friend who frequents re-sale shops and garage sales gave me a little Hubley fire truck that was some little boy’s Christmas gift long ago. Except for the axles and tires it’s a one-piece stamping with a double cab, two rolls of fire hose, a ladder, and access hatches port and starboard. On the bottom one can read “HUBLEY / LANCASTER PENNSYLVANIA / MADE IN USA / 402.” There are no USB connections, lights, batteries, or screens. You make it go by pushing it. It’s made of pot metal and some of the paint is missing, but it’s in good shape and the wheels still turn, so this little fire truck is still ready to roll on a living-room floor emergency call.

I’ve never known a little boy who didn’t want to be a fireman, and now little girls too grow up to be firefighters and EMTs and first responders.

Recently a neighbor had to do the 911 thing late at night, and within minutes Steve Sowder and Sue Sowder of the Kirbyville, Texas Volunteer Fire Department arrived in their personal vehicle with medical bags to begin remedying the situation. And then more people showed up, with rotating lights, and then more people, and then an ambulance, and I kinda lost count of all the responders who in only a few minutes were on scene out in the country.

Where would we be without our volunteer fire departments and all their first responders?

We’d be in a mess.

When there is a fire or a medical emergency in your home there is no effective substitute for properly-trained and professionally-equipped personnel to save a a life, a house, a business, a barn, a field, a forest, and all our hopes.

Beyond that, the existence of a well-trained fire service means that we can insure our property at reasonable rates.

And what are our wonderful firefighters and EMTs and first responders paid for all they do for us?

Nothing.

Indeed, they must hold fundraisers to support the purchase and maintenance of equipment.

Buy the barbecue, okay? And don’t ask for any change back.

So thanks to all those who serve, and on this occasion an extra thank-you to the Kirbyville Volunteer Fire Department. They saved a life.

Little toy fire trucks and ambulances are fun; real fire trucks and ambulances are glorious.

-30-

Mr. Trump's Tonkin Ghosts - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Mr. Trump's Tonkin Ghosts

To Our Commander-in-Chief and Manque Leader of the Free World

And All His Old Men Golfing Buddies

Scheduling Their Tee-Times Around Missile Launches

A dying nineteen-year-old can’t even scream
When half his face has been blown away
He can only gurgle, his remaining eye
Staring wildly in agony and fear

Your man-child plays soldier on guided hunts
Kitted out like Rambo, and KA-BLAMMING
A bighorn sheep the guide spotted for him
Taking he-man selfies while yelping “OOOOH-RAH!”

A dying nineteen-year-old can’t even scream
When half his face has been blown away



("Tonkin Ghosts" may well be the title of another work; if it is, please advise me so that I can change the title.)

Tree Frog in the Rain Gauge - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Tree Frog in the Rain Gauge

During a thunderstorm a little frog
For reasons best known to its grey-green self
Climbed stickey-toed into the chambers of
The gauge, then begged for life as the water rose

Made in China of toxic plastic for
The Weather Consortium Collective ®™
All-natural collection of earth-safe
Weather instruments to save the animals

I took it to the lawn, and gentled it out
During a thunderstorm, a little frog

A Hubley Toy Fire Truck - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

A Hubley Toy Fire Truck

A Boy’s happy Christmas in the long ago
Miss Dee found it in an old house she bought
Pot metal with the paint peeling away
Wire axles and rubber tires that still roll

No carpet in those years, a wood-plank floor
Was the dreamland for winter adventures
Between the gas fire and the Christmas tree
Between the morning and evening milkings

Somewhere an old man misses his fire truck -
His happy Christmas in the long ago

I Have Never Watched THAT SHOW - doggerel

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

I Have Never Watched That Show

I have never been one of the slacker drones
I have never been one of the sheep-y clones
I have never eavesdropped on lovers’ moans
I have never seen Jesus in traffic cones

and

I have never watched The Game of Thrones

We Are All Characters in a Russian Novel - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

We Are All Characters in a Russian Novel

Our steppes and birch woods are metaphorical
And so are we - who has not seen himself
In youth as the innocent Alyosha
Or in bad days as Dimitri or Ivan

Grushenka at times, and pale Katya too
The Grand Inquisitor at our dark worst
Old Karamazov lusting after Death
Foul Smerdyakov descending cellar stairs

Or gypsy dancers in a rented room
Rolling Polish officers for their pay


But who could ever be Father Zosima?

Everyone Writes a Poem Entitled "My Universities" - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Everyone Writes a Poem Entitled “My Universities”

Although some of my universities
Were universities, I take your point
For you too are a university
I want to know your course of study, your life

Tell me about your university:
Your favorite poet, how you see the skies
Do you like trains? Which hand do you write with?
Which crayon-color did you use up first?

Tell me a story that you tell yourself
While I polish your eyeglasses just right

Rosaries Might be Like Ball-Point Pens - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Rosaries Might be Like Ball-Point Pens

Rosaries might be like ball-point pens
A souvenir for you from Brighton Beach
Fabrique en Chine, blessed by the Bishop of Rome
A kind thought from gap years and honeymoons

But now those rosaries and ball-point pens
Repose in stasis beneath your Sunday socks
And the handkerchiefs Mee-Maw monogrammed
In silk for your high school graduation

Go find them
(No, no, not the socks or handkerchiefs...)

Words flung onto paper are gifts of light
And so are Aves whispered in the night

The Riddle of the Mysterious Sphynx - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

The Riddle of the Mysterious Sphynx

A wanderer came upon the mysterious sphynx
“Stranger, stand still, if you would choose to live;
I ask each passerby what he knows and thinks,
Thus now I ask a riddle, so stand and give.”

The wanderer answered her rightly that day

And then

The treacherous sphynx devoured him anyway

And Just Who Do You Think You Are, Smart Boy? - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

And What Monolith Might That Be?

There is no monolith I push against
If it is there I simply walk around it
Insolently, usually, hands in pockets
Pretending that the monolith is not

I have been cautioned about my attitude
And then I taped those cautions to the stone
Or made them into verse to be resented:
And just who do you think you are, smart boy?

And to tell you the truth I’m not quite sure
If I ever find out, I’ll let me know