Sunday, September 4, 2022

The United States Door-Opener Corps - weekly column, 4 September 2022

 

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

The United States Doormen

 

United States Marines should not be employed as doormen.

 

There is of course everything right with being a doorman in civilian life. They serve in hotels, private institutions, corporate offices, and private homes not only in the matter of opening doors but also as part of the concierge staff.

 

However, the United States Marines are the premiere fighting force of this nation, well-trained, well-disciplined, and fighting fit. They are trained in all sorts of weaponry, both ours and theirs, and in tactics as individuals and from the squad level up. Although each Marine is exceptionally well-trained in and focused on a specialty, all Marines are well-rounded multi-taskers who can perform a multitude of combat, technical, and leadership tasks when needed. A Marine never says, “That’s not my department”; he or she says, “Follow me.”

 

The “follow me” is not to the butler’s pantry to polish the silver.

 

A Marine will, as would any well-brought-up individual, open a door for a frail, elderly gentleman. That is ordinary courtesy, however, not a military specialty.

 

There is something inappropriate about United States Marines being posted to opening doors for people at the White House. After all, we are a republic and the White House is each elected president’s temporary home and office, not a Habsburg palace.

 

In an aside, the answer to the democracy / republic question is “yes.” We are a democracy because we vote on those who represent us in the House and Senate; we are a republic because those whom we elect establish the laws for us. They also take very good care of themselves, but that’s another matter.

 

Similarly, United States Navy officers (apparently enlisted won’t do) should not be hired as social aides – that is their title – in the White House. We understand that the presidential teacups and the presidential flowers won’t arrange themselves, but a commission as an officer in the Navy is hardly necessary for ordinary household tasks.

 

Several of our recent presidents appear to have had a fascination at playing with real military men and women just as little children play with toy soldiers. Our presidents want to be associated with the military, to be seen with them, set them to opening doors and handing out menus, and positioning them as decorations.

 

That happens in President-for-Life Putin’s gilded and mirrored palaces; it shouldn’t happen here.

 

Military men and women employed in domestic duties in the White House should be returned to their units for training and deployment. The president can then have a secretary contact a local employment agency for civilians to show visitors where the guest restrooms are.

 

The thought occurs to some that our senators and congressmen could be gainfully employed as domestic staff, but since they won’t even clean up their own houses and demonstrate a poor work ethic they would not make good hires.

 

-30-

A Pebble, a Pine Cone, a Mystery - haiku

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Mysteries for the Day

 

Mysteries for the day

A pebble and a pine cone

They are enough

Saturday, September 3, 2022

The Water at Camp Lejeune - doggerel

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

The Water at Camp Lejeune

 

And the water in Viet-Nam, chlorinated muck

Flavored with Agent Orange and other guck

Was good enough for us – that’s our tough luck!


Friday, September 2, 2022

Editors Who Checklist Poets - poem (a poem about poetry - that's redundant, eh!)

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Editors Who Checklist Poets

 

A Poet’s Autobiography is his Poetry

 

-Yevtushenko

 

A poem is itself

 

So I’m not going to play any victim cards

I’m not even seated in their game

Ticking self-pity boxes is their game

Not mine

 

A poem is itself

 

I am not anyone’s propagandist

All are free to read a poem or not

Like it or not for its artistry and craft

          (Or lack thereof)

But I won’t be a confessional professional

 

A poem is itself

 

A worthy editor is a pearl beyond price

But a literary commissar is nekul'turnyy

 

For a poem is itself

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Self-Government in the United States with Tats and Extra Fries - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Self-Government in the United States with Tats and Extra Fries

 

“Here, sir, The People rule.”

 

-Numerous attributions

 

I blame the Russians. And people who read books.

And that pornography in these here schools

The Navy SEALS is actually Lizard People

I only know what Q told me, okay?

 

I seen them suitcases of electoral votes

For the junior high cheerleading squad

It was stolen, I tell ya! Sarah Palin rocks!

It’s all in the Bible, you Commie-freak

 

Secret U.N. observers occupy our town

And that is why the InterGossip’s down

Wednesday, August 31, 2022

Cockroaches and Cold-Callers - rhyming doggerel

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Cockroaches and Cold-Callers

 

We honor life as part of God’s creation

Its good is an objective reality

Cruelty to animals is an abomination

(Though a cockroach we flush with fiendish glee)

 

“Hi, this is Heather; we’re taking a survey…”

 

There are variations on this Leaden Rule

For if you haven’t sent a cockroach down the loo

(This practice should be taught in every school)

An telephone cold-caller will certainly do

 

“Good morning! We’re giving away free siding…”

 

Thus you may WOOOOSH! a swindler or a roach

Completely free of any self-reproach

 

“This isn’t a sales call; we only want to ask…”

Tuesday, August 30, 2022

As Neatly Packaged as a Letter-Bomb - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

The Brilliance of Propaganda

 

“Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it”

 

-Lady Macbeth

 

We have seen vituperation beautifully expressed

In the most elegant meter and rhyme

Wild shriekings crafted with an artist’s skill

And as neatly packaged as a letter-bomb

Sunday, August 28, 2022

Silencing Rooster Cogburn - weekly column, 28 August 2022

 

Lawrence Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

 

Silencing Rooster Cogburn

 

True Grit appeared on the Orwellian telescreen the other night, and I found myself watching that wonderful film yet again.

 

The climax of the film comes when John Wayne as Marshal Rooster Cogburn confronts Robert Duvall’s Lucky Ned Pepper and his gang. After a few prefatory remarks of ritual verbal abuse, Ned sneeringly demands that Rooster state his intentions or get out of the way.

 

“I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned, or see you hanged in Fort smith at Judge Parker’s convenience,” replies Rooster. “Which’ll it be?”

 

After some wonderfully Snidely Whiplash laughter from the desperadoes, Ned taunts Rooster with, “I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!”

 

And then comes The Moment – The Moment, The Academy Award Moment - when Rooster challenges Ned and his entire gang with perhaps the most famous line in the history of cinema…

 

But the line was not spoken; The Moment never came.

 

The center, the axis, the climax of this great film was silenced for television by some officious busy-body.

 

While Rooster spins his rifle in a menacing manner and Ned and the lads are laughing at him, let us pause and consider the insensitivities that have preceded this moment in True Grit:

 

1.   Tom Chaney murders Mattie’s father with a gutshot.

2.   Three prisoners are hanged on the courthouse square before a mocking crowd which includes children

3.   A federal marshal repeatedly handles prisoners with inappropriate roughness and occasional brutality.

4.   A Chinese character is stereotyped, although we must admit that he gives the marshal a good what-fer when necessary.

5.   There is some casual stereotyping of American Indians.

6.   The body count in the film would require a statistician, and the deaths are gruesome.

7.   Several adults threaten the life of a child.

8.   A child shoots an adult.

9.   As for Mattie’s snide remarks about Texas senators and bird dogs, we should let them stand with some sympathy for bird dogs.

 

Dozens die in the film, but That Line, that Academy Award line without which the story would fail to be true to the vision of the book’s author and the artistry of the film’s professionals, must apparently not be spoken lest it give offense to the delicate among us.

 

Look, the metaphor Rooster uses in the uncut version is pretty rough, and on the lips of almost anyone else would come across as adolescent potty-mouth-ness. But in the context of this great film and as spoken by John Wayne, yep, it’s a work of art.

 

But what about the children who might hear it?

 

The prime duty in raising a child belongs to the parent.

 

Thus, the parent must guide his (the pronoun is gender-neutral) child’s cultural experiences.

 

After all, it is pointless and indeed hypocritical to give a child unrestricted access to a MePhone or the InterGossip and then demand that a cinema, an author, an artist, a public library, a museum, or other cultural milieux surrender their freedom of cultural exchanges with other adults.

 

In sum, know when to turn off the television in your own house. That’s your decision, not someone else’s

 

-30-

An Extended Warranty - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

An Extended Warranty

 

You buy something and the man behind the counter

Asks you if you want to pay extra for a warranty

And when you ask why, doesn’t the gadget work

He’s grumpily ready for you to move on

 

Most things in life don’t have extended warranties:

Love, Hershey bars, tree frogs on the window screen

The John Wayne movie machine that broke long ago

But memories of MeeMaw are always fresh

 

You live through pain, and He who is beyond the stars

Gives it meaning – that’s the warranty

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Trust the Official Texas State God - That's an Order

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Trust the Official Texas State God – That’s an Order

 

Some say

“All of us worship the same god, you know”

But what makes them think that this is so?





 Is ‘In God We Trust’ an assertion of Christian nationalism or of American history in public schools? – Baptist News Global


Texas schools hanging 'In God We Trust' signs after new state law requiring donated signs be posted | Fox News

Thoreau-ly August - doggerel about the heat

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Thoreau-ly August

 

“The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation,”

Protested Thoreau in hopeless exasperation.

One would not enter into disputation

With a famous writer of great reputation

 

But

 

Alas that here our lives are rank perspiration!

 

-      From The Road to Magdalena, 2012

(Available on amazon)

Friday, August 26, 2022

Allusions to DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, Patrick McGoohan's THE PRISONER, Kafka, Orwell, and Mordor

 

Dear Anonymous Google Accuser:

 

Thank you for your note, the contents of which sound much like the block warden’s caution (“Your attitude is noticed, comrade.”) to Yuri in the film version of Doctor Zhivago.

 

I have re-read the column, which I wrote nine years ago, and find nothing offensive in it (although it is rather puerile), nor do you detail exactly what is offensive in it and why I should be sanctioned. You are being Kafka-esque, and I say this as someone who has read Kafka: you do not tell me what offense I have purportedly committed nor do you face me with an accuser. You do not even face me with you, for you do not give your name. You employ the passive voice in referring to an “Adult Content policy” and to “Community Guidelines,” which sounds like something from an episode of Patrick McGoohan’s The Prisoner: “The Committee won’t like this, Number Six.”

 

Google (and one could find “google” offensive, with its history mocking someone’s physical characteristics) is a private company, and so is free to publish or not publish, as is only right.  And I am free to pity Google for moral, ethical, and literary cowardice.

 

I was raised in situational poverty, barely graduated from high school, and spent 18 months in Viet-Nam. Upon returning to the USA (with life-long skin cancer which the DVA denies) I worked straight nights (double shifts on weekends) as an ambulance driver and later an LVN to put myself through university. I taught for almost forty years in public school, community college, and university as an adjunct instructor of no status whatsoever. In retirement I volunteered with our local school’s reading program until the Covid ended that, and I still volunteer with the lads at the local prison. I volunteer in community cleanup after our hurricanes (tho’ I’m getting a little old for that). I’ve worked hard all my life, paid my taxes, paid off my house at age 70, receive only half of my Social Security because of some vague law, and never gamed the system. Indeed, I would say that the system has gamed me.

 

And was all of this so that some frightened committee of anonymous inquisitors staring at an Orwellian telescreen or a Mordor-ish Palantir could find an innocuous scribble insensitive?

 

Pffffft.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lawrence Hall

 

 

Thursday, August 25, 2022

Pontifex Minimus - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Pontifex Minimus

 

I met a man who once lived under a bridge

He said that was when he was happiest

But he found Jesus and civilization

So they put him in prison

He likes having a bed and three meals each day

But he misses his bridge

A Woman Hollering and a Train Passing By - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

A Woman Hollering and a Train Passing By

 

Next to the post office sags a trailer house

Where a fat old woman in a onesie

Was grilling something in her littered yard

Maybe some hot dogs, or just some dogs

 

A cigarette bounced about on her lip

As she screamed at me for driving by her life

Possibly she thought I was after her beer cans

Or her virtue, or her front-porch couch

 

A Santa Fe freight blew by, obscuring her words

And I accelerated, escaping her sorrows

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

The Prince-Poet-Cat of Gatineau, Quebec - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

The Prince-Poet-Cat of Gatineau, Quebec

 

For Pushkin, of Happy Memory

And His House Pets Abbie and Alexander

 

In an ice-cream summer in the long ago

I met a marvelous cat in Gatineau

 

Pushkin by name, a fastidious Russian

His shiny fur coat never needed brushin’

 

He purred in an elegant iambic tetrameter

Precisely in its orderly parameter

 

A cat, of course, needn’t meter his speech

For a cat is a poem whose motions teach:

 

Running

Leaping

Sleeping

Purring

pouncing

Growling

Yowling

Howling

Twitching

Lurking

Sneaking

Posing

Dreaming

Snuggling

 

While in all things giving his children delight

 

In an ice-cream summer in the long ago

I met a marvelous cat in Gatineau

Monday, August 22, 2022

if We Change Channels All the Pain Will Go Away - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

If We Change Channels All the Pain Will Go Away

 

Captors are shooting trembling prisoners of war

We can watch them writhing as they die

Screaming silently into our telescreens

American Idol is on 282

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Are We but Obscure Lines in Ezekiel? - poem

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Are We but Obscure Lines in Ezekiel?

 

Maybe we are doing time along the Chebar

But we are not in Babylonian captivity

Only in the captivity of our choices:

We fouled our own endeavors, our own lives

 

We banned and burned our books, our music, our art

Upon the orders of megaphone fuhrers

Sacrificing Truth on their altars of fear

We abandoned duty and found ourselves alone

 

Dry bones, dry bones in a desert of despair

But, shush – what is that Sound from over there…?

 

Friday, August 19, 2022

Whatever Happened to Clarence Eustace Scrubb? - doggerel

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

 

Whatever Happened to Clarence Eustace Scrubb?

 

He liked books if they were books of information and had pictures of grain elevators

or of fat foreign children doing exercises in model schools.

 

-C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

 

 

He was so good at banning ideas that later

They made him a Texas school administrator

 

 

Keller ISD to remove challenged books | The Texas Tribune


(You will of course remember that in Mr. Lewis' wonderful book Scrubb became a fine young man at the end. There is also hope for book banners, book banners, and censorious old biddies of both sexes - may their eyes open soon to the joys of 10,000 years of literature!)

Thursday, August 18, 2022

Strippers Bid to Unionize in Los Angeles - rhyming couplet

 

Lawrence Hall

Mhall46184@aol.com 

https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/

poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

 

Strippers Bid to Unionize in Los Angeles

 

-news item

 

To what enormity is this action owed –

Could there be an issue with the strict dress code?