Versin' on th' Chain Gang

Mack Hall

A woman in California has started a company specializing in greeting cards for prisoners. Let us unlock the possibilities, and look beyond the bars to the stars:

From a Secret Pal:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue;

Big Sven in Block 34B

Is in love with you.

From a wife:

My dearest husband,

I promised that I would always be true,

That I loved you like I loved no other,

But now I’ve found someone new:

I’ve moved in with your brother.

From a pal:

Hey, dude!

Sorry you got caught, and are doing twenty.

Me, I’m in an unnamed location, and I’ve got plenty;

I bought a new Hummer with your share of the loot

I’ll see ya in 2028, ya big galoot!

To a Lifer:

I’m sorry you’re havin’ a real bad time,

Ya say your cell-mates are nothin’ but slime,

Ya say prison’s hard, ya say it’s a bore --

Well, it’s your fault ya ate that sophomore!

How about prison MeMeMeSpace blogs?

My fav movies:

The Great Escape

Stalag 17

Escape From Alcatraz

Machine Gun Kelly

Scarface

The Sound of Music

More of my favs:

Long walks in the exercise yard with a couple of hundred of my best friends.

Kool-Aid on Friday’s menu.

The rancid smell of lowest-bidder mattresses.

The sun setting behind the sewage treatment plant.

Flinging feces at the guards.

Exchanging tattoo designs with my friends.

Making shanks in arts and crafts.

To a war criminal in Guantanamo:

Free lawyers, free Korans, three squares a day,

No work, no hassles, no taxes, no way,

A lovely room overlooking the sea:

Oh, please, Jihadist, trade places with me!

To a Recidivist:

Ya stupid clown,

Ya stupid louse,

Ya went and burned down

The halfway house!

From the Inside to the Outside:

Hey, citizens, ya think us prisoners is gorms,

And not at all worthy of prison reforms?

Well, you’d better not give reform a miss;

Stay cool, fool, and think about this:

Think about November, and discuss:

With a change of government,

You might be in here with us!

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