Mack
Hall
And They Call the
Wind Tiffany
The
Weather Channel (D - Georgia), for reasons best known to its coven of Global
Warmingistas, is going to name winter storms.
The
Weather Channel, which really was founded as a weather channel, has since
evolved into infotainment and ideology, and like most ideologies doesn’t
tolerate dissent, so you’d better agree to the naming and to the names if you
don’t want trouble.
Naming
a storm could present legal problems: if The Weather Channel names a cold front
Anastasia and you insist on calling it Bob, does The Weather Channel have a
case against you? And if you wish to
name your child Anastasia, do you have to pay The Weather Channel copyright
fees?
Perhaps
other telly shows will begin naming meteorological features. The Military Channel could name tomorrow
morning’s sunrise General Patton while MSNBC calls it PeeWee Herman. The Western Channel might brand a light
overcast James Arness, while Fox News honors a heavy snow as Herman Cain.
General
Motors might insist that the moon© is now the Volt©.
The
Weather Channel has issued its manifesto naming this winter’s storms
(http://www.weather.com/news/winter-storm-names-20121001): Athena, Brutus, Caesar, Draco, Euclid, Freyr, Gandolf, Helen, Iago, Jove,
Khan, Luna, Magnus, Nemo, Orko, Plato, Q, Rocky, Saturn, Triton, Ukko, Virgil, Walda, Xerxes, Yogi, Zeus.
This list is provisional, since it has not yet been
granted a nihil obstat by
Representative Sheila Jackson Lee (D – Texas).
Too bad there’s not a Snooki, but maybe next year.
The reader might become excited about Yogi,
thinking Jellystone National Park’s favorite bear was finally to be recognized
for his many gifts to American culture, but The Weather Channel advises us that
their Yogi is for one who does yoga.
Iago is for most folks the Spanish for James, as in
Saint James / Santiago, but The Weather Channel will have none of that Christian
nonsense – their Iago is the villain in Shakespeare’s Othello.
Draco
is for the Athenian lawgiver, but The Weather Channel may not be aware that
Draco’s laws (“Draconian”) favored the death penalty for most crimes, even for stealing
a cabbage (http://ancienthistory.about.com/cs/greecehellas1/a/cylonanddraco_3.htm), and slavery for
something less than stealing a cabbage, but only for the peasants; the nobility
got a better deal from Draco.
What
do we name The Weather Channel itself?
She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed?
In
the delightful comic strip Hi and Lois,
the youngest child, Trixie, still a rug-rat, greets the morning sun sharing her
floor by singing out “Hi, sunbeam!”
A
progressive, modern mother would of course put a stop to this nature stuff by
drawing the blinds and setting Trixie before flickering images of America’s nasal-pitched
answer to Oxford and Cambridge, Big Bird.
And
then The Weather Channel would impose upon the sunbeam a progressive, modern
name from an approved list respecting the delicate sensitivities of the loudest
non-reader available.
-30-
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