Mack
Hall
Not Exactly James
Bond
Last
week local police found a Secret Service agent passed-out-drunk on a Miami
sidewalk. Perhaps he had shaken, not
stirred, one vodka martini too many.
Now
we know what spy novels mean by a sleeper agent.
Who’s
in charge of the Secret Service these days?
Jerry Springer?
The
police found the agent despite the early morning darkness by tracing his Get Smart shoe phone through the ring
tone: “It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky-Tonk Angels.”
Pop
culture says a Secret Service agent must be ready to take a bullet for the
President, but who knew that said bullet might be a Silver Bullet?
When
Secret Service agents are on an operation, do they need a designated driver?
And
how did the Miami police know that the cocktail commando was a secret
agent? Why, that information was readily
available on the spirited man’s official Secret Service identity card.
Did
the Secret Service agent’s identity card feature a secret glow-in-the-dark compass,
a secret key to a secret code, and a secret Sergeant Preston of the Yukon map?
The
Secret Service isn’t really all that secret anyway; they have their own web
site: http://www.secretservice.gov/join/who.shtml.
Maybe
some of us have watched too many Patrick McGoohan films, but shouldn’t a Secret
Service agent try to be, well, you know, secret?
Is snoring in the street in an alcoholic
stupor while carrying a Junior G-Man identification card the most subtle way to
infiltrate The Hidden Fortress of the Secret Seven?
Earlier
this year, in an episode of Guys Gone Wild,
a number of Secret Service frat boys…um…agents got caught with their
bulletproof vests down in South America.
If
they keep behaving like this, the Secret Service may soon be nominated for a
Nobel Peace Prize.
The
Secret Service is involved in several aspects of federal law enforcement, but
they are best known for protecting presidents, vice-presidents, former
presidents, presidential candidates, and their families.
As
of late the President appears to be tired and worried, even haggard, and
naturally one attributes this to the burdens of office and to a challenging
re-election campaign. But perhaps the
reality is that the President is losing sleep because the snoring of his Secret
Service keeps him awake at night.
-30-
No comments:
Post a Comment