Knives on a Plane

Mack Hall, HSG

Mhall46184@aol.com

Knives on a Plane

1.   Pre-teens climbing over the seats and screaming  – they’re a problem.

2.   Brats (of all ages) who will not turn off their signal-spewing electronic devices at takeoff and landing – they’re a problem

3.   The fat slob whose rolls of blubber spill over into your seat and your life – he’s a problem.

4.   The lady next to you whose bare arm features a weeping, oozing, infected tattoo – she’s a problem.

5.   A suicidal Egyptian pilot with a messed-up home life – he’s a problem.

6.   That one mechanic who, while in a hurry and being glared at by his supervisor, doesn’t secure some hatch or bolt as he should – he’s a problem.  So’s his supervisor.

7.   The lady in front of you who insists on leaning her seat back into your face – she’s a problem.  Especially if she’s got critters in her hair.

8.   The conspiracy of sick, twisted wretches who design airline seating – they’re a problem.

9.   The idiots who bring aboard live lobsters in boxes – they’re a problem.

10.The jerks who bring aboard huge duffel bags, garbage sacks full of who-knows-what, and miscellaneous cases, and spent a half-hour trying to jam them into the overheads – they’re a problem.

11.Airlines who let this happen – they’re a problem.

12.Airlines who carry all this impedimenta away FOR FREE to stow them in the baggage compartment – they’re a problem.

13.Airlines who charge the considerate passengers for checking their modest bags at the counter – they’re a problem.

14.Drunken, party-hearty frat boys – or are they Secret Service? - yelling obscenities to each other – they’re a problem.

15.Rude, snarly, slovenly Air Canada cabin attendants – they’re a problem.  Canadians really are the politest folks you’ll meet, and apparently they deal with their few anti-socials by exiling them to Air Canada.

16.Lung-choking-chemical-perfume lady – she’s a problem.

17.Terrorists – they’re a problem.

18.The 1½ inch Swiss Army Knife I bought at the gift shop in one of the most security-conscious airports in the world – that’s not a problem.

 

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