Mack
Hall, HSG
The Banana-Gat
Song
A
man wearing a banana suit and carrying a Kalashnikov while walking along a
street was stopped and questioned by the police in Beaumont, Texas last
week. And in these troubled times, one
understands – some people are made nervous by the open display of a banana.
Beaumont
usually votes Democrat, so perhaps the police thought the man was a banana Republican.
Maybe
the perp was singing “Yes, we have no ammo; we have no ammo today…” without a
music license.
Not
sure if the police handcuffed him, but he was a slippery customer.
What
do law enforcement officers have against fruits? Haven’t we progressed?
Maybe
this was an advertisement for a new Orwellian telescreen program, Banana Dynasty, oriented for a specialty
viewer market, rustic vegans.
When
bananas are outlawed, only outlaws will have bananas.
Curiously
enough, banana-boy’s Kalashnikov was fitted with a drum magazine instead of a
(wait for it…now use that drum magazine for a drum roll…) banana clip!
For
manly men, bananas have always had a peel – um – appeal. John Wayne is said to have worn a banana suit
in one or two of his early movies, and certainly the banana sub-text is
continued in Bananigan, The Green
Bananas, Rio Banana, The Banana and the Geisha, and Angel and the Bananaman.
As
John Wayne would say, partner, the West wasn’t won with a registered banana.
When
filming cowboy movies in the United States became too expensive, some movie
companies produced a series of Banana westerns in Central America.
Bananas
are slippery; Sergeant Preston of the Yukon kept his on a lanyard so it
wouldn’t get away from him.
The
Mae West gag naturally follows: “Is that a banana…?”
Traditional
hunters don’t understand the need to import all those foreign semi-auto bananas
with the fancy rails and scopes and stuff.
Once upon a time a real man got his deer with a good old J. C. Higgins
banana from Sears. And no matter what
the National Banana Association says, we just don’t need armor-piercing
bananas.
But
Freud keeps us grounded by reminding us that sometimes a banana is just a
Kalashnikov…um…banana. Or cigar. Or something.
Finally,
let us all remember the first rule of banana safety as taught by responsible
fathers and in effective banana-safety courses: there is no such thing as an
unloaded banana.
-30-
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