ThenSpeak / NowSpeak

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

ThenSpeak / NowSpeak

ThenSpeak: Call of duty.
NowSpeak: Call of Duty™©.

ThenSpeak: “I helped build the Alaskan pipeline.”
NowSpeak: “I topped my personal best on the rock-climbing wall today.”

ThenSpeak: “When I was in advanced infantry school…”
NowSpeak: “When I was in graduate school…”

ThenSpeak: “I worked two jobs to get through college.”
NowSpeak: “Why doesn’t MY Pell Grant cover more of MY expenses?”

ThenSpeak: “In Viet-Nam I knew some great guys who…
NowSpeak: “I have 563 Friends™ on MyFaceMeSpaceBook™!”

ThenSpeak: “I remember this old sergeant who used to bellow at us.”
NowSpeak: “My therapist says I need to embrace my inner child.”

ThenSpeak: Thinking and voting.
NowSpeaking: Passively listening to the fat boys on the radio.

ThenSpeak: “At the beginning of my senior year my dad took me to be fitted for my first adult suit.”
NowSpeak: “Do you like my new knee-pants and cartoon tee?”

ThenSpeak: “When I got out of the Army I found a good job with the railroad.”
NowSpeak: “People just don’t understand how hard it is to find a creative position in fashion design that speaks to my special vision.”

ThenSpeak: Douglas Edwards, Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, William F. Buckley.
NowSpeak: Legs.

ThenSpeak: Stetson.
NowSpeak: Gimme cap.

ThenSpeak: “Ah, wilderness!”
NowSpeak: “I don’t have a signal!”

ThenSpeak: On-the-job training.
NowSpeak: Sensitivity training.

ThenSpeak: Steak and potatoes.
NowSpeak: Leaf mold.

ThenSpeak: Squirrel season.
NowSpeak: YBox.

ThenSpeak: Louis L’Amour.
NowSpeak: Zombies.

ThenSpeak: Wedgwood.
NowSpeak: Plastic foam.

ThenSpeak: “I’m early so I can get the deep-fryer going before opening time.”
NowSpeak: “I’m an inspirational singer-songwriter and I’m only working here with you little people until I get my big break.”

ThenSpeak: “Thank you.”
NowSpeak: (Grunt).

ThenSpeak: “You’re welcome.”
NowSpeak: “No problem.”

ThenSpeak: “Fill ‘er up? You bet. And let me wash that windshield.”
NowSpeak: “Insert card now. Card not accepted. Insert Card now. Card not accepted. Insert card now. Enter your zip code. Select product. Begin fueling.”

ThenSpeak: “My boss is a cranky old coot, but I kinda like him. He’s paid his dues and he knows his job.”
NowSpeak: “My boss doesn’t understand my special needs.”

ThenSpeak: “I didn’t pay much attention in high school but I re-read Macbeth while I was recovering from shrapnel wounds. This guy in the next bed said it’s all about psychology and determinism, but I see it as a narrative of what happens when a good man allows sin to creep into him. We had some fine old arguments about it.”
NowSpeak: “I read Captain Underpants in graduate school because, like, you know, they said it was a banned book, and, like, stuff, you know? So I read a banned book and stuck it to The Man.”

ThenSpeak: “You always take off your hat when greeting a lady, or at least touch the brim. And a man never wears a hat in the house, in an office, or when sitting down to eat.”
NowSpeak: “This made-in-China hipster hat is who I am!”

ThenSpeak: “Always speak to a lady as you would expect any man to speak to your mother, your wife, or your daughter.”
NowSpeak: “**** that ****. We’re in the 21st century now.”

And, yes, we are.

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