Did Canada Burn Down the White House? - column

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Did Canada Burn Down the White House?

The question has been asked: Did Canada burn down the White House?

Well, no, not exactly.

In 1812 Congress declared war on Britain, thinking that the several provincial Canadas of that time (Canada did not become a Dominion until 1 July 1867) would easily be conquered and absorbed into the land of the free, whether or not they wanted freedom imposed by conquest and absorption. Irony, eh?

Britain was at war with Napoleonic France, and her army and navy were committed to the defense of the home islands and to distant campaigns against the French Empire. The D.C. war hawks (as always, hawkish with the lives of other men and their sons, not with the lives of themselves and their sons) in congress envisioned a quick and victorious campaign over the British regulars, English militias, French-Canadian militias, and the allied First Nations.

Thomas Jefferson, slaveowner (https://www.monticello.org/site/plantation-and-slavery/thomas-jeffersons-attitudes-toward-slavery) and former president, said that the conquest of Canada would be a matter of marching. He, however, did not march. He never marched. Thomas Jefferson fought in the wars by writing thinky-stuff and attending diplomatic receptions.

During the campaigns United States forces burned York (now Toronto), the capital of Upper Canada, and other towns, and in 1814 regular British forces in their turn burned much of Washington and other towns.

Apparently there were no Canadian militia units involved in torching our capital, but instead regular British soldiers and militia from the Caribbean. Canadians claim the honor anyway, and since they remain part of the British Empire, one can with a grain of salt and a cup of Tim Horton’s coffee admit their claim.

When the war ended in 1814, and everyone signed The Treaty of Ghent on Christmas Eve, the boundary between the several Canadas and the United States was exactly where it had been two years before. Some 50,000 American, British, Canadian, French Canadian, and First Nations soldiers, and far more civilians, died for the irresponsible ambitions of the War Hawks (who did not themselves hawk to war, not even for the defense of their own capital).

So God bless Canada, and us, and everyone. Let’s drop the tariffs and the passport requirements, apologize nicely for ill manners shown to this nation’s best friend, shake hands all ‘round, send the prime minister some socks appropriate for grownups, and go catch a Toronto Blue Jays game.

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