When Computers, Eggs, and Airplanes Go Bad - Column

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

When Computers, Eggs, and Airplanes Go Bad

“Have you no idea of progress, of development?"

"I have seen them both in an egg," said Caspian. "We call it 'Going Bad' in Narnia”

-C. S. Lewis, Voyage of the Dawn Treader

In a careless moment the other day I pushed the wrong response when a software provider named – let us say MacroPlop – suggested that their latest update would make the world of personal computing much better, leading my internet experience into the broad, sunny uplands or something or other.

I have spent the last two days repenting of my misplaced trust in the blandishments of MacroPlop by roaming through Dante’s Darksome Wood while trying to follow the software provider’s wonderfully opaque instructions on how to remediate the mess they made while improving my computer:

Error 500 this will take a few minutes please leave your computer online now Error 370 and a yo-ho-ho check the cleverly named icon which is nowhere on your screen you may need to restart your computer to make this update take effect can’t rename because a file ERROR with that name already exists the application failed to initialized because the window station is being shut down you must restart window to complete the program removal failure unknown error you may need to restart your computer to make this update take effect an error occurred ERROR the following information might help you resolve the error if an wah-wah error is returned which is not defined in the standard woo-woo filter, it is converted to one of the following errors which is guaranteed to be in the filter you may need to restart your computer to make this update take effect in this case information is lost you may need to restart your computer to make this update take effect however, the folder correctly handles the exception (doobydoobydo) if there are any messages that are stuck, follow these steps to clear those messages in outlook, click the send/receive tab, and then click work offline note this stops outlook from trying to send all email messages select the outbox you can now take one of the following actions move the message move the message to the drafts folder you may need to restart your computer to make this update take effect…

My favorite message advises the frustrated computer user to go online to seek help about the computer that is unable go online.

But I caught up on some reading.

While waiting hours for the several this-may-take-a-few-minutes remedies to download I finished reading John Mortimer’s Rumpole and the Age of Miracles. Given that I am a slow reader and easily distracted – oh, look, a squirrel! – a better reader could work his or her way through the Old Testament, St. Augustine’s City of God, William Manchester’s Churchill trilogy, or McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove while waiting for MacroPlop promises.

You can find the books online if your machine isn’t offline.

And speaking of going offline, modern passenger planes are built with the control surfaces connected only by computer signals, not by cables. When those computers system crashes, so will the airplanes.

Progress.

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