Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com
Electric Groundhog
Electric groundhog – that sounds like the title of a 1960s book of free verse.
However, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants an electric groundhog to replace the real groundhog that those old drunks…um…bon vivants in Pennsylvania wake up and display on Candlemas morning.
The bogus tradition is that if the groundhog sees his shadow on Groundhog Day there will be six more weeks of Super Bowl advertisements or something. Thus, for no logical reason, the boys put on funny hats, get tanked…um…merry, go out into the frosty dawn, and rouse a groundhog out of his sleep to observe whether the critter sees his shadow.
If a groundhog can see his shadow, the wobbly old fellows can too, so there is no point to bothering the groundhog.
Sometimes the groundhog also sees it that way. In 2009 New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg tried to hustle a grouchy groundhog into action and was justly bitten.
If that’s not a qualification for the presidency, well, I don’t know what is.
I’m talking about the groundhog, of course.
PETA feels that a groundhog shouldn’t be awakened at dawn, and there are millions and millions of workers who feel exactly the same.
Maybe the Groundhog Groupies could try waking up a sophomore? Now there would be a challenge.
If some mad scientist (“It’s alivvvvve!”) cobbles together an electric groundhog I will be interested in seeing it take a bite out of an electric mayor.
The news about the poor groundhog being awakened before dawn reminds us of this old wheeze:
Mother: “C’mon, child, get up; you’ll be late for school.”
Daughter: “I don’t wanna go to school!”
Mother: “You HAVE to go to school.”
Daughter: “WHYYYYYYY? The teachers don’t like me. The kids at school don’t like me. Even the lunch lady doesn’t like me. WHY do I have to go to school!?”
Mother: “Because you’re the principal, that’s why!”
Cheers!
-30-
No comments:
Post a Comment