Bumper-Sticker Theology - NOT poetry

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Bumper-Sticker Theology

V: God Said It. I Believe It. That Settles It.
R: What is “It?”

V: God is My Co-Pilot
R: Obviously not today. Both hands on the wheel, please, and put the MePhone down.

V: My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
R: How does He sign your paycheck?

V: Put Christ Back into Christmas
R: He was never out of Christmas. Maybe your Christmas, but that was your choice.

V: Follow Me to The Bright Light Free Will Four Square Full Gospel Missionary Temple Outreach of the Lord Jesus Christ of the Lamb
R: No.

V: Republican. Conservative. Christian.
R: Why so many adjectives?

V: Faith Over Fear
R: Not the way you’re driving

V: Do You Follow Jesus This Close?
R: “Closely.”

V: Got Jesus?
R: Anyone who rewrites an advertising slogan – and without copyright attribution – to make a theological point has nothing to share.

V: Caution! Pro-Life Christian Gun Owner!
R: Irony eludes you.

V: Honk if You Love Jesus. Text While Driving if You Want to See Him.
R: Okay, that one’s pretty good.

V: Jesus Is My Air Bags
R: Thus air bags is Jesus?

V: Who Saved Who?
R: Whom

Honk if You Cheered for the Iceberg

Mack Hall


Bumper stickers are not nearly as popular as they once were, but they’re still rather good fun. A young friend gave me one that reads EARTH FIRST – WE’LL LOG THE OTHER PLANETS LATER. In that same jolly spirit, here are some other bumper stickers we might enjoy seeing on someone else’s car:

So Your Kid Plays Soccer. Big Whoop.

My Other Car is Worse Than This Heap.

Follow Me to The Bright Light Free Will Four Square Full Gospel Missionary Temple of the Lord Jesus Christ of the Lamb and Auto Detailing, the Reverend Doctor Brother Master Bishop Oafus Smith Bringing Massages Even Though This is a Weekday and Why Would You Follow a Complete Stranger to Some Church You Never Heard of Anyway?

Renew Your Medications if You (heart) Glenn Beck.

I’d Rather Not be Farming.

Rush Limbaugh’s Family Values: More Ex-Wives Than You Have Children.

Honk if You Miss the Habsburgs.

Fellowship of Pagan Athletes.

I’m Not Irish, Thank God.

I Wasn’t Born in Texas; My Company Made Me Move Here.

My Child is an Accelerated Reader – What Does That Mean?

End the Death Penalty – Except for Whoever Invented Reality Shows.

This Smith & Wesson is Protected by a Car.

Harp Seals – They Taste a Little Like Chicken.

I Miss The Inquisition. Really.

Give Thermonuclear War a Chance.

Cats – The Other White Meat.

My Parents Went To Germany And All They Bought Me Was This Stupid Mercedes-Benz.

Certified Public Accountants for Christ.

Please Come Back, George III; All is Forgiven.

The Next Time Germany Invades France, Let’s Stay Home.

It’s Not a Rain Forest, It’s a Jungle.

Let the Polar Bears Drown.

I’m Angry About the Results of the Elections in Which I was Too Lazy to Vote.

When the Last Farmer is EPA’d Out of Business, What Will You Eat?

Have You Read the Label on Your “I Love America” Tee Shirt?

Sophomores – A Renewable Food Source.

Honk if You Cheered for the English soldiers in Braveheart.

Honk if You Cheered for the English soldiers in Gandhi.

Honk if You Cheered for the Iceberg.