Mack
Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
29 June 2013
Creepy Books
Often
a book is promoted as “a real page turner.”
This is curious, because books do not turn pages; their readers must do
that for books, even with one of those little plastic boxes that light up and
flicker the pages across a little screen.
Many
novels are said to be stories of redemption.
But then, what story is not? From
the Bible through The Divine Comedy, The
Canterbury Tales, Robin Hood (and his merry persons of indeterminate gender
and lifestyle choices), Huckleberry Finn,
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, To Kill a Mockingbird, and beyond,
almost all stories are about redemption.
Does this really need to be said?
Eat,
Pray, Barf – As book titles and on picture frames and posters one often sees
commands, always in three: Eat, Pray,
Love; Live, Laugh, Love; and, oh, Eat,
Love, Barf. The truly reflective
person considers the title and asks “Why the (Newark, New Jersey) should
I?” And why should anyone take
instructions from a picture frame sold in a store called Dried Grasses ‘n’
Stuff Express Outlet?
In
the Study Helps section of the book store the titles are all about how to pass
acronymic tests – ACT, SAT, LSAT MCAT, MSAT, GED, and perhaps OMG. One concludes that success in life is not
predicated on knowing how to DO anything, but on passing an exam set by some state
board.
Another
book is said to be “gripping.” What does
the book grip? Does one really want a
book that might grip one at an unexpected moment?
And
how about the ubiquitous “must read?”
Why must one read this book? By
what authority? A polite request by the
publisher is more appropriate for a free society than a command.
Some
reviewers claim to have been “spellbound” by a book. Must be Harry
Potter and Yet Another Sequel with the Same Plot, eh?
A
book can be cutting edge, bold, daring, riveting, provocative, gritty,
compelling, haunting, sweeping, unflinching (is a book ever flinching?), thought
provoking, inspiring, rewarding, bedazzling, enlightening, engaging, haunting,
engrossing, revealing, lyrical, nuanced, epic, accessible, Kafka-esque,
beautifully wrought, poignant, timely, edge-of-your-seat, passionate, dispassionate, exquisite, erudite,
comprehensive, marvelous, glorious, profound, formidable, relevant, timely, and
a fully realized tour de force roman a clef by a fresh new author when what the
reader really wants to know is if the book features gunfire, car chases, a body in the library, a
hottie named Lola, and maybe a hooded Methodist minister with glittering red
eyes and a dagger bearing ancient Sanskrit symbols on the bloodstained blade.
-30-
