Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
THE CLASS OF 2011
Children insist on growing up and going away. Their teachers are not happy about that. Really. Every year the old…um…venerable faculty see their high school seniors off to the new world they will make for themselves. Oh, sure, there are always one or two of whom one can sing “Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone,” but the loss of most of the students is very real, very painful, and very forever. And while the teachers taught them not to ever split infinitives (cough), which they immediately forget, the block form for business letters, which they usually remember, and the possible symbolism of Grendel in Beowulf, there are always lots of other little things one hopes they have learned along the way.
Here then, Class of 2011 are some disconnected factoids your old English teacher meant to tell you earlier in the year, before the month of May very cleverly sneaked up on all of us:
1. In October you will return for homecoming. You will find pretty much the same teachers, school, and friends you left behind. It will all seem very familiar at first. But you won’t be on the team or in the band; it isn’t about you anymore, and that will be oddly disturbing. By October of 2012 most of the students in your old high school won’t know who you are -- or were. And they won't care. You'll just be old people.
2. Some day surprisingly soon you will hear shrieks of insolent laughter from your child’s room. You will find your child and her friends laughing at your yearbook pictures. You will feel very old.
3. Change the oil in your car more often than the manufacturer recommends.
4. Billy Graham attended a public school; Adolf Hitler attended a Christian school. Don’t obsess on labels.
5. You are not going to win the Texas lottery.
6. T-shirts are underwear.
7. MyFace, SpaceBook, Tweeter, and all the rest are surprisingly dangerous to your career and to your safety.
8. When posing for a photograph, never hold your hands folded in front of, um, a certain area of your anatomy. It makes you look as if you just discovered that your zipper is undone.
9. Have you ever noticed that you never see “Matthew 6:5-6” on a bumper sticker?
10. College is not high school.
11. Work is not high school. There is no such thing as an excused absence in adult life. The boss will not care about your special needs, sensitivities, artistic gifts, or traumatic childhood.
12. God made the world. We have the testimony of Genesis and of the Incarnation that all Creation is good. Never let anyone tell you that the world is evil.
13. Most people are good, and can be trusted. But the two-per-centers, like hemorrhoids, do tend to get your attention.
14. Listening to radio commentators with whom you already agree is not participating in our democracy. Until he was in his thirties, Rush Limbaugh never even registered to vote in any place he ever lived. You can do better than that.
15. Why should someone else have to raise your child?
16. Tattoos do have one useful purpose – they will help your relatives identify your body after you die of some weird disease that was on the needle. Oh, yeah, sure, the process is sterile – a tattoo parlor looks like a hospital, right?
17. Your class ranking is little more than a seating chart for graduation, reflecting your performance in a sometimes artificial and often passive situation for the last four years. Your future is up to you.
18. Knowing how to repair things gives you power and autonomy. You will amaze yourself with what you can do with duct-tape, a set of screwdrivers, a set of wrenches, a hammer, and a pair of Vise-grip pliers.
19. Movies are made by committees. Sometimes they get it right. Books are usually written by one person. Sometimes he or she gets it wrong. But there are lots more good books than there are good movies.
20. Put the 'phone down. Grasp the steering wheel firmly with both hands. Stay alive.
21. Save the planet? Reform the establishment? Stop meanies from beating harp seals to death? Get a job first.
22. Time to wear the big-boy pants.
23. Some people are Democrats because they believe the Democratic Party is best at protecting the rights of the individual. Other people are Democrats because they are part of the Socialist / Communist continuum and believe that government is a weapon to bludgeon people into obedience. Some people are Republicans because they believe the Republican Party is best at protecting the rights of the individual. Other people are Republicans because they have Fascist tendencies and believe that government is a weapon to bludgeon people into obedience. Hiding out in the woods and refusing to participate is not a logical option.
24. Everyone tells cheerleader jokes, but cheerleaders are among the most successful people in adult life. The discipline, the hard work, the physical demands, the aesthetics, the teamwork, and the refusal to die of embarrassment while one’s mother screams abuse at the cheerleader sponsor do pay off in life.
25. You are the “they.” You are the adult. You are the government. You are the Church. You are the public school system. You decide what will be on the television screen in your home. Your life is your own – don’t become one of the bleating, tweeting sheep.
26. Giving back to the community begins now. Do something as an act of service to humanity -- join the volunteer fire department, teach Sunday school, clean up the city park one hour a week, assist at the nursing home.
27. Don’t bore people with sad stories about your horrible childhood. No one ever lived a Leave It To Beaver or Cosby existence. Get over the narcissism.
28. The shouting, abusive, 1-900-Send-Money TV preacher with the bouffant hairdo strutting about on the low-prole stage set while beating on a Bible and yelling is not going to come to the house in the middle of the night when your child is dying, you don’t have a job, and you don’t know where to turn. Your pastor – Chaucer’s Parsoun -- may not be cool, may not be a clever speaker, may not sport a Rolex watch, and may not have a really bad wig, but he’s here for you.
29. If you insist on taking your shirt off in public, shave your armpit hair. Or braid it. Or something.
30. Don’t wear a shirt that says “(bleep) Civilization” to a job interview.
31. When someone asks for a love offering, offer him your love and watch his reaction. He doesn’t want a love offering; he wants money. Sloppy language is used to manipulate people. Call things by their proper names, and hang on to your wallet.
32. Stop eating out of bags and boxes. Learn how to use a knife and fork.
33. Life is not a beer commercial.
34. On the Monday after graduation you’ll be just another unemployed American.
35. When you find yourself facing a dinner setting with more than two forks, don’t panic; no one else knows quite what to do with three forks either. No one’s watching anyway, so just enjoy the meal.
36. What is the truth? Is it something you want to believe? Something repeated over and over until you come to believe it in spite of your own experience?
37. Green ideology means that gasoline costs more than you make.
38. A great secret to success in a job or in life is simply to show up.
39. No one ever agrees on where commas go. If someone shows you a grammar book dictating the use of commas one way, you can find another grammar book to contradict it.
40. Most people do not look good in baseball caps.
41. There is no such thing as a non-denominational worship service.
42. You will always be your parents’ child. You may become a doctor, lawyer, banker, or, God help you, president, but your mother will still ask you if you’ve had enough to eat and remind you to take your jacket in case the night turns cold. And parents are a constant surprise -- they always have new knowledge you need to acquire.
43. Strunk & White’s Elements of Style is all the English grammar and usage book you’ll ever need. If more people understood that and had a library card, every English teacher in America would be an ex-English teacher standing in line at the Wal-Mart employment office. Keep it a secret, okay?
44. From now on the menus should be in words, not pictures.
45. According to some vaguely named family institute or some such, raising a child to the age of eighteen costs the family $153,000 and a few odd cents. The taxpayers of this state spend about $5,000 per year on each student. Thus, a great many people have pooled their resources and spent about $213,000 on you since you were born. They did not do this in order for you to sit around complaining about how unfair life is.
46. There was never a powerful secret society variously known as The Preps, The Rich Kids, or The Popular Kids, just as there are no unmarked U.N. helicopters. But if you ask me, those guys who play chess need watching; I hear that the pawns are reporting all your movements to The 666 Beast computer in Belgium via computer chips in your school i.d. card.
47. Thank you notes: write ’em. It shows class. You can write; you’re a high school graduate, remember?
48. Don’t reach for the pen in someone else’s pocket. Carry your own.
49. The school award you should have received: For Compassion. While I must confess that I was happy to see some of you on a daily basis because that way I was sure my tires would be safe, there was never one single instance of any of you taking any advantage or being unkind in any way to those who were emotionally or physically vulnerable. Indeed, most of you took the extra step in being very protective of the very special young people who are blended into the student population. There is no nicely-framed award for that compassion, not here, anyway, but even now there is one with your name on it on the walls of a mansion which, we are assured, awaits each of us, in a house with many mansions. God never asked you to be theologically correct; He asked you to be compassionate, and you were. Keep the kindness within you always.
50. Take a long, lingering look at your classmates during graduation. You’ll never see all of them ever again. In ten years many of you will be happy and honorable. Others will have failed life, and at only 28 will be sad, tired, bitter old men and women with no hope. Given that you all went to the same cinder-block school with the same blinky fluorescent lights, suffered the same old boring teachers, drove along the same dusty roads, and grew up in the same fading little town, what will have made the difference?
Well, Class of 2011, it’s time to let go. Thanks for everything: for the paper balls and pizza and pep rallies and recitals and concerts and games, for your thoughts and essays, for your laughter and jokes, for usually paying attention to roll call (“Focus, class... focus...focus...focus...”), for really thinking about Macbeth and Becket and Beowulf, and those wonderful pilgrims (who, of course, are us) forever journeying to Canterbury, for doing those business letters and resumes’ over and over until YOU were proud of them, for wrestling with iambic pentameter, for all the love you gave everyone around you every day. Take all those good things with you in your adventures through life.
And whether we shall meet again I know not.
Therefore our everlasting farewell take:
For ever, and for ever, farewell...
--Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, IV.iii.115-117
-30-
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Searching for Sight
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
No
one assures you that lenses are green
That
spectacles are recycled from waste
That the optometrist’s glow-in-the-dark
Boxes, little lights in white, green, and red,
Are cultivated by fair-trade farmers
Along the Neckar River in Hungary
Where no one needs glasses to speak Magyar.
Eyes, like cans of squash, have expiration dates
And must be renewed and refreshed each year
With little boxed lights in white, green, and red
And a thirty-something voice assuring you
That your eyes are good – for someone your age.
Words spilling out like a soft cataract
Of diffuse, bubbling comfort for a year
With eyes recycled once again the seer
Seeks for the book store and the coffee shop
mhall46184@aol.com
Searching for Sight
That the optometrist’s glow-in-the-dark
Boxes, little lights in white, green, and red,
Are cultivated by fair-trade farmers
Along the Neckar River in Hungary
Where no one needs glasses to speak Magyar.
Eyes, like cans of squash, have expiration dates
And must be renewed and refreshed each year
With little boxed lights in white, green, and red
And a thirty-something voice assuring you
That your eyes are good – for someone your age.
Words spilling out like a soft cataract
Of diffuse, bubbling comfort for a year
With eyes recycled once again the seer
Seeks for the book store and the coffee shop
New
books, fresh cups, old dreams held at odd angles
On Your Mobile Device
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
In the summer sun, a letter, a clock,
A vase of flowers on the kitchen table,
A glass of beer with a friend, a soft wind,
Cold moonlight slanting through the autumn leaves,
Or a wild thunderstorm that makes one glad
To doze inside with a book and a pipe.
Oh, no. Because life now is but an app
A-blinking on a little plastic box:
The weather, stocks, throats slit in Arkansas,
An actress drunk again in Hollywood,
All, all repose in one’s pants pocket with
Keys, coins, a bit of lint, a pocket knife,
Those relics of an irrelevant past;
We need them not: we have a plastic box.
mhall46184@aol.com
On Your Mobile
Device
Life
now approaches not as a basket
Of
new kittens, or an old dog asleepIn the summer sun, a letter, a clock,
A vase of flowers on the kitchen table,
A glass of beer with a friend, a soft wind,
Cold moonlight slanting through the autumn leaves,
Or a wild thunderstorm that makes one glad
To doze inside with a book and a pipe.
Oh, no. Because life now is but an app
A-blinking on a little plastic box:
The weather, stocks, throats slit in Arkansas,
An actress drunk again in Hollywood,
All, all repose in one’s pants pocket with
Keys, coins, a bit of lint, a pocket knife,
Those relics of an irrelevant past;
We need them not: we have a plastic box.
20 September 1870
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
Upon the blast-breeched walls of captive Rome;
The smoke of conquest fouled the ancient streets
While mocking conquerors marched their betters
At the point of enlightened bayonets
To the scientific future, murdering those
Who bore themselves with quiet dignity.
Who played at soldier once the firing ceased,
And claimed Saint Peter’s patrimony on
The corpses of the merely useful who
With this day’s slogans fresh upon their lips
At dawn advanced upon the remnant walls
So thinly held by so few Papal Zouaves
And thus befeathered fat Vittorio
Was given his victory by better men
On both sides there, their corpses looted by
The pallid inheritors of Progress.
The son of a Sardinian spurred his horse
Along the streets of now obedient Rome,
And to the Quirinal by a passage broad,1
And finally to the Ardeatine Caves.
mhall46184@aol.com
20 September
1870
Like
vultures hovering over the faithful dead
The
rank red rags of base repression hungUpon the blast-breeched walls of captive Rome;
The smoke of conquest fouled the ancient streets
While mocking conquerors marched their betters
At the point of enlightened bayonets
To the scientific future, murdering those
Who bore themselves with quiet dignity.
False,
sinister Savoy sneered in disdain
At
ancient truths, this costumed reprobateWho played at soldier once the firing ceased,
And claimed Saint Peter’s patrimony on
The corpses of the merely useful who
With this day’s slogans fresh upon their lips
At dawn advanced upon the remnant walls
So thinly held by so few Papal Zouaves
And thus befeathered fat Vittorio
Was given his victory by better men
On both sides there, their corpses looted by
The pallid inheritors of Progress.
The son of a Sardinian spurred his horse
Along the streets of now obedient Rome,
And to the Quirinal by a passage broad,1
And finally to the Ardeatine Caves.
1Paradise
Lost X.404
Roadside Detractions
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
An
empty cigarette packet smokeless
An empty chewing gum wrapper gumless
An empty soda bottle sodaless
An empty chicken basket chickenless
An empty shell casing, yes, bulletless
And this is the road America walks
To its vague YouTubeifest destiny
mhall46184@aol.com
Roadside
Detractions
An empty chewing gum wrapper gumless
An empty soda bottle sodaless
An empty chicken basket chickenless
An empty shell casing, yes, bulletless
And this is the road America walks
To its vague YouTubeifest destiny
The Sky to Moc Hoa
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
The Sky to Moc Hoa
The sky to Moc Hoa is hazily blue,
Layered between heat and Heaven. The damp Rots even the air with the menace of death.
The ground below, all green and holed, dies too;
It seems to gasp: You will not live, young lad,
You will not live to read your books or dream About a little room, a fire, a pipe,
A chair, a pen, a dog, a truth-told poem
Flung courteously in manuscript pages
Upon a coffee-stained table, halo’d
In a 60-watt puddle of lamp-light.
You skinny, stupid kid. You will not live.
Then circling, and circling again, again,
Searching, perhaps, for festive rotting meals,
Down-spinning, fear-spinning onto Moc Hoa,
Palm trees, iron roofs, spinning in a dead sun,
Spinning up to a swing-ship spinning down.
A square of iron matting in a green marsh,
Hot, green, wet, fetid with old Samsara.
Gunboats diesel across the Van Co Tay,
Little green gunboats, red nylon mail sacks, Engines, cheery yells, sloshing mud, heat, rot.
Mail sacks off, mail sacks on, men off, men on,
Dark blades beating against the heavy heat,
The door gunners, the pilot impatient.
All clear to lift, heads down, humans crouching
Ape-like against the grass, against the slime
In sweating, stinking, slinking, feral fear
As the dragon-blades roar and finally fly,
And the beaten grass and beaten men
Now stand again erect in gasping heat,
Some silent in a new and fearful world.
You will not live, young hero; you will die.
What then of Dostoyevsky and Chekhov?What then of your Modern Library editions,
A dollar each at the Stars & Stripes store
Far away and long ago in DaNang,
All marked and underlined?
What is the point?
What then of your notebook scribbled with words,
Your weak attempts at poetry? So sad,
So irrelevant in the nights of death.
The corpses on the gunboat decks won’t care,
Their flare-lit faces staring into smoke
At 0-Two-Damned Thirty in the morning –
Of what truth or beauty are your words to them?
You haven’t any words anyway;
They’re out of movies and books, all of them.
What truth can adventure-story words speak
To corpses with their eyes eaten away?
Write your used emotions onto a page;
You haven’t any emotions anyway;
They’re out of the past, all of them.
What truth can used emotions speak to death?
So sling your useless gear aboard the boat:
A seabag of utilities, clean socks,
Letters, a pocket knife, a Rosary,
Some underwear, some dreams, and lots of books.
And board yourself. Try not to fall, to drown,
To be a floating bloating, eyeless face.
Not yet. Think of your books, your words.
Look up:The sky to Moc Hoa is hazily blue.
They’re out of movies and books, all of them.
What truth can adventure-story words speak
To corpses with their eyes eaten away?
Write your used emotions onto a page;
You haven’t any emotions anyway;
They’re out of the past, all of them.
What truth can used emotions speak to death?
So sling your useless gear aboard the boat:
A seabag of utilities, clean socks,
Letters, a pocket knife, a Rosary,
Some underwear, some dreams, and lots of books.
And board yourself. Try not to fall, to drown,
To be a floating bloating, eyeless face.
Not yet. Think of your books, your words.
Look up:The sky to Moc Hoa is hazily blue.
Notes:
1. Moc Hoa, pronounced Mock Wah -- a town on the Vam Co Tay River near the border with Cambodia.
2. “Young lad” or “lad” – employed sarcastically of recruits by chief petty officers.
3. “Young hero” – employed sarcastically of recruits by chief petty officers and of Navy Corpsman in Field Medical Service School by Marine sergeant-instructors.
4. Utilities – heavy, olive-drab, 1950s style Marine Corps battle-dress issued to Navy personnel on their way to Viet-Nam. Too darned hot. I had to scrounge lighter clothing.
5. Samsara – in some Eastern religions the ocean of birth and death.
English Ivy
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
And tut-tut over a pipe and The Times?
But far away from England climbs this vine,
Far up the bark and branches of an oak
Wanting to see, perhaps, the spring-blue sky,
A squirrel’s nest, the perfect leaf, a bird
Spying on the curious cats below,
On pups in happy repose, tummies up
To the dog-friendly sun.
An interview, evaluation, or
The filing of an annual report.
You play your days in leafy-green ascent,
Dependant on your sturdy tree, yourself
A pastoral road for ladybugs and ants,
The occasional ceremonial worm
Or caterpillar; an auditor of
The coos and whos and cawks and squawks and trills
There cooed and who’d and cawk’d and squawked and trilled
By merry jays and robins, mockingbirds,
And silly, so-sad-seeming whippoorwills.
Oh, ivy, glad indeed, to celebrate
Your liturgical seasons dutifully!
mhall46184@aol.com
English Ivy
Why
do some call this vine an English ivy?
Does
it wear tweeds, call for a cup of tea,And tut-tut over a pipe and The Times?
But far away from England climbs this vine,
Far up the bark and branches of an oak
Wanting to see, perhaps, the spring-blue sky,
A squirrel’s nest, the perfect leaf, a bird
Spying on the curious cats below,
On pups in happy repose, tummies up
To the dog-friendly sun.
O peaceful
vine!
Your
contract is renewed each day withoutAn interview, evaluation, or
The filing of an annual report.
You play your days in leafy-green ascent,
Dependant on your sturdy tree, yourself
A pastoral road for ladybugs and ants,
The occasional ceremonial worm
Or caterpillar; an auditor of
The coos and whos and cawks and squawks and trills
There cooed and who’d and cawk’d and squawked and trilled
By merry jays and robins, mockingbirds,
And silly, so-sad-seeming whippoorwills.
Oh, ivy, glad indeed, to celebrate
Your liturgical seasons dutifully!
It's on the 'Net; It Must be True
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
One of the most popular is wrongly attributed to Bill Gates, another successful fellow who did not finish school and who does not write silly stuff, and is usually titled “Rules They Didn’t Teach You in School” or some such, and is forwarded by the sort of people who never vote in their local school board elections because they’re too busy complaining.
The reality is that most college students work their way through school, usually in minimum-wage jobs and at odd hours. A student who works the night shift flipping burgers can only wonder about why he is falsely stereotyped as someone who thinks he’s too good to flip burgers.
That is, after the individual takes the tin cricket out of his ear. In school we were taught that in ye olden days of yore crazy people who stumbled around mumbling to themselves were kept safely away from others by being chained to a wall somewhere. We thought that was a bad punishment. Silly us.
mhall46184@aol.com
It’s on the ‘Net;
It Must be True
Alexander
Graham Bell, a Canadian who was born in Scotland, invented the telephone so
that young Americans could use the thing to talk, text, tweet, and twit to each
other during high school graduation and thus ignore high school
graduation. Since Mr. Bell never
finished school, we may appreciate the layers of irony.
In
May of every year, like buzzards returning to wherever it is buzzards return
to, tiresome screeds about the ignorance of graduates arrive to roost in one’s
in-box.
One of the most popular is wrongly attributed to Bill Gates, another successful fellow who did not finish school and who does not write silly stuff, and is usually titled “Rules They Didn’t Teach You in School” or some such, and is forwarded by the sort of people who never vote in their local school board elections because they’re too busy complaining.
The
idea of hopeless naivete is not true of most high school students, and it’s
certainly not true of college students.
Very few graduates ever finish a degree on the mummy-and-daddy nickel,
and for those who do, well, good for their mums and dads.
The reality is that most college students work their way through school, usually in minimum-wage jobs and at odd hours. A student who works the night shift flipping burgers can only wonder about why he is falsely stereotyped as someone who thinks he’s too good to flip burgers.
My
daughter spent some college time shoveling (Newark, New Jersey) in a
stable. Hamburgers would have been
better.
Any
college classroom will feature, yes, a few princesses of both sexes, but they
are far outnumbered by folks who know their way around the loading dock,
Afghanistan, and hospital wards at 0-Dark-Thirty, and who can wield with great
skill an M4, a broom, and a bedpan.
One
of my fish English students was a former sergeant who left the Army after
sixteen years. When I asked him why he
didn’t finish his twenty he said that after three combat tours in the desert he
figured he had pushed his luck enough.
He
and his mates studied English literature in a college hydraulics lab because of
a shortage of classroom space. No ivy
grew on the equipment.
Two
of my students were in their mid-thirties, had been pals from childhood, owned
a roofing company, and were nursing students.
In their late thirties, they said they were getting a little old for
climbing up on roofs all the year ‘round and were going to sell the company and
work in the shade for a while. I asked
them why they didn’t keep the company and spend well-earned time out of the sun
by delegating more authority to their employees. They said that their names were on each roof
(metaphorically), and that they would never sign off on a job if they didn’t
have first-hand knowledge of each square inch of that roof.
Oh,
yeah, some dumb college kids, huh?
Age
and experience are good, but they are only predictors: there are adult students
who become angry when they are required to show up on time (which, presumably,
was required of them on the job) and actually do some work (ditto). In the same class there can be 18-year-olds
demonstrating a far better work ethic (not the one texting behind her
Volkswagen-size purse, second seat, second table on the right) than their
elders.
In
the end, success is almost always the result of an individual’s choice to show
up for work, whether on the factory floor or in the classroom, and hit a lick
at it.
That is, after the individual takes the tin cricket out of his ear. In school we were taught that in ye olden days of yore crazy people who stumbled around mumbling to themselves were kept safely away from others by being chained to a wall somewhere. We thought that was a bad punishment. Silly us.
One
of life’s lessons – it needn’t come from the classroom – is that stereotyping is
wrong. Just because something’s on the
‘net doesn’t mean it’s true. Those giddy
folks waving their diplomae (“diplomae,” he wrote, for he had been to night
school) around and yelling almost surely worked very hard for the moment, both
in and out of the classrooms and laboratories.
How Many Dead Aggies Does it Take...?
Mack Hall
College Station, where there is a college but no station, is segregating a section of its new city cemetery for Aggies only.
There is no word yet on whether the Aggies-only section will rest adjacent to the exclusive Elvis impersonator section. The answer might be indexed in the official guide to funerals in America, Evelyn Waugh’s The Loved One.
Ross Albrecht (’84), marketing manager for the new cemetery, told the Associated Press that the use of Texas A & M symbols will be “correct and respectful.” The entrance to the Aggie section will be a “Spirit Gate” between two concrete columns faked up to look like limestone, and for the discerning Aggie there’s nothing that says correct and respectful like chunks of concrete painted to look like something else.
Correct and respectful pallbearers could be rounded up from The Dixie Chicken.
Maybe the maroon Aggie hearse will be drawn to the cemetery by twelve little Reveilles wearing maroon mourning plumes.
Although Texas A & M has no direct connection with the city cemetery, the school will license the use of trademarked A & M logos and other symbols. This means that if you – for reasons best known to yourself – wish to have your mortal remains decorated with an image of Ol’ Sarge, you will have to pay Texas A & M for permission.
Licensing agreements guarantee the quality of Texas A & M’s acounts receivable. The difference between a cheap, unlicensed, made-in-China tee-shirt proclaiming “Fightin’ Texas Aggies” and another cheap, licensed, made-in-China tee shirt proclaiming “Fightin’ Texas Aggies” is, well, nothing except a tag.
Will we ever see a tee proclaiming “Studyin’ Texas Aggies?”
Made-in-China Texas A & M coffee cups, made-in-China Texas A & M neckties, made-in-China Texas A & M lunch buckets, Made-in-China Texas A & M portable toilets, and now, dug-in-College Station Texas A & M holes in the ground, license fees payable to the university.
And some people say America isn’t a religious country.
A sales brochure preaches "The concept is that the Spirit of Aggieland travels in a ceremonial way from the campus to the Aggie Field of Honor through this final gateway." If that isn’t straight out of the Gospels I don’t what is.
At this writing no one is clear whether or not having posed nude or semi-nude will be a bar to resting in peace in The Aggie Field of Honor.
If the University of San Francisco were to feature a cemetery, would the trustees establish an Eternal Joint exuding faux marijuana smoke in The Mahareshi Yoga Guru Garden of Like, You Know, Where It Is Forever 1968?
The Massachusetts Institute of Technology would have to license Star Trek Action Figure grave markers from Paramount. Funeral services might be offered in Klingon.
A beauty school – the Dear Departed is buried with a 21-hair-dryer salute.
Good ol’ A & M, coming up with a brand-new century-old tradition every year or so.
But what if…just what if Aggies who Pass On To The Other Side make their last Whoop! at the pearly gates only to discover that Saint Peter wears burnt orange?
Hullabaloo, caneck, caneck!
College Station, where there is a college but no station, is segregating a section of its new city cemetery for Aggies only.
There is no word yet on whether the Aggies-only section will rest adjacent to the exclusive Elvis impersonator section. The answer might be indexed in the official guide to funerals in America, Evelyn Waugh’s The Loved One.
Ross Albrecht (’84), marketing manager for the new cemetery, told the Associated Press that the use of Texas A & M symbols will be “correct and respectful.” The entrance to the Aggie section will be a “Spirit Gate” between two concrete columns faked up to look like limestone, and for the discerning Aggie there’s nothing that says correct and respectful like chunks of concrete painted to look like something else.
Correct and respectful pallbearers could be rounded up from The Dixie Chicken.
Maybe the maroon Aggie hearse will be drawn to the cemetery by twelve little Reveilles wearing maroon mourning plumes.
Although Texas A & M has no direct connection with the city cemetery, the school will license the use of trademarked A & M logos and other symbols. This means that if you – for reasons best known to yourself – wish to have your mortal remains decorated with an image of Ol’ Sarge, you will have to pay Texas A & M for permission.
Licensing agreements guarantee the quality of Texas A & M’s acounts receivable. The difference between a cheap, unlicensed, made-in-China tee-shirt proclaiming “Fightin’ Texas Aggies” and another cheap, licensed, made-in-China tee shirt proclaiming “Fightin’ Texas Aggies” is, well, nothing except a tag.
Will we ever see a tee proclaiming “Studyin’ Texas Aggies?”
Made-in-China Texas A & M coffee cups, made-in-China Texas A & M neckties, made-in-China Texas A & M lunch buckets, Made-in-China Texas A & M portable toilets, and now, dug-in-College Station Texas A & M holes in the ground, license fees payable to the university.
And some people say America isn’t a religious country.
A sales brochure preaches "The concept is that the Spirit of Aggieland travels in a ceremonial way from the campus to the Aggie Field of Honor through this final gateway." If that isn’t straight out of the Gospels I don’t what is.
At this writing no one is clear whether or not having posed nude or semi-nude will be a bar to resting in peace in The Aggie Field of Honor.
If the University of San Francisco were to feature a cemetery, would the trustees establish an Eternal Joint exuding faux marijuana smoke in The Mahareshi Yoga Guru Garden of Like, You Know, Where It Is Forever 1968?
The Massachusetts Institute of Technology would have to license Star Trek Action Figure grave markers from Paramount. Funeral services might be offered in Klingon.
A beauty school – the Dear Departed is buried with a 21-hair-dryer salute.
Good ol’ A & M, coming up with a brand-new century-old tradition every year or so.
But what if…just what if Aggies who Pass On To The Other Side make their last Whoop! at the pearly gates only to discover that Saint Peter wears burnt orange?
Hullabaloo, caneck, caneck!
A Makeshift Shrine
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
Dime-store candles flickering in the exhaust
Of passing mini-vans. The inanity
Of filler-language falls, descends upon
The shattered souls of the barely alive,
The dead cliches’ of well-planned camera-grief:
“Our hearts and thoughts go out you.”
What does that mean? Nothing but conventional noise
For generations of lovers and mourners
Long-ago looted of reality,
Programmed with state-sanctioned hyperbole,
And mourners now are left with nothing but
An existential howl against the light,
Sodium-vapor upon broken glass,
While strident Men of Destiny
There rake for votes among the ashes of death.
mhall46184@aol.com
A Makeshift Shrine
Teddy
bears ribboned to a chain-link fence,
Plastic-wrapped
flowers stacked like compost,Dime-store candles flickering in the exhaust
Of passing mini-vans. The inanity
Of filler-language falls, descends upon
The shattered souls of the barely alive,
The dead cliches’ of well-planned camera-grief:
“Our hearts and thoughts go out you.”
What does that mean? Nothing but conventional noise
For generations of lovers and mourners
Long-ago looted of reality,
Programmed with state-sanctioned hyperbole,
And mourners now are left with nothing but
An existential howl against the light,
Sodium-vapor upon broken glass,
While strident Men of Destiny
There rake for votes among the ashes of death.
Come Laughing Home at Twilight
Mack Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
Come Laughing Home
at Twilight
And,
O! Wasn’t he just the Jack the lad,
A’swellin’
down the Water Street as if –
As
if he owned the very paving stones!
He
was my beautiful boy, and, sure,
The
girls they thought so too: his eyes, his walk;
A
man of Newfoundland, my small big man,
Just
seventeen, but strong and bold and sure.
Where
is he now? Can you tell me? Can you?
Don’t
tell me he was England’s finest, no –
He
was my finest, him and his Da,
His
Da, who breathed in sorrow, and was lost,
They
say, lost in the fog, among the ice.
But
no, he too was killed on the first of July
Only
it took him months to cast away,
And
drift away, far away, in the mist.
Where
is he now? Can you tell me? Can you?
I
need no kings nor no Kaisers, no,
Nor
no statues with fine words writ on’em,
Nor
no flags nor no Last Post today:
I
only want to see my men come home,
Come
laughing home at twilight, boots all mucky,
An’
me fussin’ at ‘em for being’ late,
Come
laughing home at twilight...
1. 4 July 2012,
Wednesday
The Staretz
In
middle life the sunflower bends its head,
No
longer to the sun as in its youth,
But
to the earth in all humility,
Ripening
for us all its dreams and works,
And
aging happily to eternal dawn.
2. 15 July 2012. Sunday.
St. Swithin’s Day
The Farmer to Saint
Swithin
O
good Saint Swithin, please, to you we pray,
On
this your high summer rain-making day –
Of
your blest kindness send us sweet, soft showers,
The
kind that gently fall for hours and hours,
To
heal the sunburnt land of thirst and drought
And
nourish the corn that sees the winter out;
And
if you grant the boon we humbly ask
We’ll
work the harder on each rural task:
We’ll
ditch and fence and plough, and milk the cow,
Share
with the widder-folk, and feed the sow,
Count
out some plantful seeds for poor folks’ needs,
And
daily tell God’s Mysteries on our beads.
3. 16 July 2012. Monday.
Carmel
Pinon
The
incense of the mountains drifts along
The
arroyos, and into the narrow streets
Of
Taos at dawn, the breath, perhaps, of God.
4. 17 July 2012,
Tuesday.
Song Dancer Wind
Something Woman
(slowly,
soothingly)
Like,
you know, crystals are so last week’s feeds;
Magic
rocks are the latest transcendence,
Drawing
from the mountains the soul’s desire
To
be one with the one-ness of all things,
Warmed
by the desires of the seeking heart,
These
rocks, blessed by the, like, ancient peoples
Bring
peace and healing to the soul and spirit
(faster)
And,
like, I don’t care what people say
About
me and what I done in high school
‘cause
that ain’t, like, none of their business
And
these people that don’t know me judge me
But
they’re in darkness I have found the truth
In
Transcendental Earth One-Ness as taught
By
the One and he likes me anyway.
(parking-lot
cat-fight speed)
And
I know what you said about my past
You
***** but I know the Oneness of all
And
you’ll never get that, you *****, since you’re
All
high and mighty and hoyty-toyty
In
that fancy cowboy church you think’s
Gon’
bring you happiness but you’re nothing
But
a ***** and I know the truth of One…
Brightly-Colored Brick Pits
Mack
Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.comApril, 2013
Brightly-Colored
Brick Pits
On
Saturday night ABC, in a worthy annual tradition, once again broadcast Cecil B.
DeMille’s The Ten Commandments. Loud, long, and somewhat bombastic (“So let
it be written. So let it be done.”), the
film is dismissed by the more precious sort of cineaste but beloved by everyone
else.
In
1956, filmmakers understood the difference between color and monotone – when
they made a film in color, the COLOR was capitalized (metaphorically). The red in Pharaoh’s crown was definitely
RED, and the blue of the queen’s dress was most assuredly BLUE.
The
tendency now is to make color films as if the world had never been blessed with
rainbows. Most contemporary movies and
tellyvision depressants inflict on the viewer a sad little palette of colors
redolent of charcoal on cheap paper in art class. Gloom and diminished lighting
are art; colors are plebeian.
And
let the people say “Existential.”
The
reality is that the world is in color -- the flowers this spring, for instance,
have been taking Technicolor™ classes. Lovely! Monotone is good for what was once known as
socialist realism (industrial scenes), and Georgia O’Keefe employed black-and-white
to study forms, but Creation really is in color.
As
for the brick pits in Goshen, not so much color, but that’s not God’s fault. Pharaoh was practicing his own form of
socialism realism – the people laboring in the heat and filth while he and his family
lounged under the awnings in their cute little outfits. Thank goodness that sort of thing never
happens in a republic.
Charlton
Heston as Moses is a multi-generational favorite; most movies on religious
themes enjoy a brief spasm of popularity and then disappear into some storage
unit in West Hollywood. Every three or
so years a new film based on some point of Jewish or Christian heritage is
promoted with all the clanging and crashing of Moses presenting Ethiopian loot
to the Egyptian court, and the ‘net is asludge with reviews gushing “this is
the way it must have been!” Congregations hire the film for showing in
the church hall and enthusiastic fans put up posters and hand out flyers after
divine services. The magic lantern show
is a two weeks’ wonder and is then forgotten.
The
brick pits of Egypt are now the multi-story factories of the far east in which
acid-burned hands labor long hours in heat and dust and chemical fumes to make
for us shoes and garments and plastic
boxes that light up and make noises.
Where
is their Moses?
And
where is their filmmaker?
-30-
That Island, That Book
Mack
Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.comMarch, 2013
That Island,
That Book
A
favorite discussion topic used to be about what book someone would take with
him (the “him” is gender-neutral) into exile on a deserted island.
There
was always some princess of either sex (one supposes now that it would be a
matter of any of the four or five genders now decreed by any given federal
court who takes Psalm 82.6 to new places) who brought up the Bible, and some
leveler who snarked “Yeah, well, it’s about time you read it.”
Last
week the London Daily Mail published
a piece about a life prisoner who is into his twentieth year of talking to six
walls and who feels very sorry for himself but not for the several folks he
shot for not understanding his special needs and his sensitive, artistic spirit.
The
article mentioned that the prisoner has read about the little plastic boxes
that people carry around and talk to (rather like the prisoner conversing with
walls) but has never seen one. He has no
computer, no telly, no movies, and no radio.
The prisoner can read about such things because he is permitted to have
at one time any twenty books, newspapers, or magazines from the prison library.
This
is somewhat more than the one book on that hypothetical island, and certainly
more entertainment than fictional Hilts’ baseball in The Great Escape.
If
you were locked into a it’s-just-you-and-the-walls cell with a tiny concrete
table, concrete stool, concrete bed (with a thin, fireproof mattress), and a
steel potty for 23 hours of each day, what would you read?
Maybe
the real book: Paul Brickhill’s The Great Escape.
When
P. G. Wodehouse was imprisoned by the Nazis, he managed to take with him the
complete works of Shakespeare. He
probably didn’t have to worry about his fellow prisoners borrowing the volume
all the time.
Under
the category “Books for Prisoners,” Amazon.com lists 21,847 results – not only
is a significant percentage of this nation in prison, they seem to be more
literate than the free population.
When
18-year-old Joseph Ratzinger was marched into a prisoner-of-war camp by
Americans he carried a pencil and paper, and wrote poetry.
Giovanni
Guareschi, an Italian officer, managed to write his thoughts on scraps of paper
while in a series of German prison camps for two years, and used them as the
basis of My Secret Diary, dedicated “To
My Comrades Who Never Returned.”
Fr.
Jean Bernard of Luxembourg was sent to Dachau with nothing, but lived to write
about it in Priestblock 25487.
Viktor
Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, survived four different death camps and after
the war wrote Man’s Search for Meaning.
Ho
Chi Minh wrote poetry while in French and Chinese prisons. Those who know both Chinese and Vietnamese
tell us that his poems blend both traditions and are cultured, traditional,
ironic, and precisely styled. Thus, one
of the few formalist poets after World War II was a Communist mass-murderer.
Many
of St. Paul’s letters were written in a number of Roman prisons. John Bunyan, St. Thomas More, Sir Thomas
Wyatte, Sir Walter Raleigh, Thomas Malory, Boethius, Martin Luther King, Winston
Churchill, Charles DeGaulle, James Clavell, Cervantes, Thoreau, Dostoyevsky, O.
Henry, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Solzhenitsyn, Vonnegut, Ronald Searle – many of the
world’s most famous writers were inside the wire fence, starving but thinking,
thinking all the time.
If
you wonder what books our sometimes shadowy government provides for prisoners
at Guantanamo Naval Base at the southern tip of Cuba, America thus completing Castro’s
theme of that unhappy island as one big prison camp, the Guardian (U.K.) has the answer: Harry Potter stories, Agatha
Christie, the Twilight series,
Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Dan
Brown, travel books, and Islamic books. The library hopes to expand to 20,000
volumes, which would be the envy of most grade schools in this country.
We
do know that despite seques-can’t-spell-it, the remaining few workers in this
nation will be required to fund $195 million (New York Times) for improvements to the prisoner compound at
Guantanamo, including $750 thousand (Fox News) for a soccer field. The approximately 166 prisoners must be mad
about footer, eh?
The
prison also offers cable tv (perhaps Patrick McGoohan’s The Prisoner is popular), which is a good idea for any entity who
wants to keep people from thinking. Television
is anaesthesia. Books and paper, though,
those are dangerous. Some of those
prisoners are scribbling, and maybe one will write another The Consolation of Philosophy, but possibly one will scrawl another
Mein Kampf.
-30-
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Oberlin College Sounds a Clarion Call for its Smelling Salts
Mack
Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Oberlin College
Sounds a Clarion Call for its Smelling Salts
Oberlin
College in Ohio dates to the early 19th century. Oberlin claims to be the first college to
admit women and black men, though Middlebury College in Vermont says that honor
belongs to them. Certainly men and women
from Oberlin helped save people from bondage during the slavery time, and some
1,000 Oberlin men, black and white, served during the Civil War, enabling their
classmate Mary Jane Patterson to
become the first African-American woman to earn a BA, in 1862. At the turn of the 20th century
missionaries from Oberlin, then a Presbyterian school, felt a call to witness
in China, and many died there from persecution.
Oberlin has truly been a
light unto the nations.
Sadly,
Oberlin has recently suffered a series of racist graffiti incidents, vandalism,
and physical assaults. Apparently no one
did anything about the enormities except feel bad.
More
recently, someone said that someone said that he or she had seen a Ku Klux
Klansman, bedsheet in full sail, walking across campus around two in the
morning. However, there is no source or
me-phone footage. Local police report
that other witnesses report that saw a pedestrian wearing a blanket, so someone
needs to verify the whereabouts of Charlie Brown’s friend Linus.
Oberlin’s
president, Marvin Krislov, stood to his tackle like a true Oberlin man – he canceled
classes, saying "…let us
be very clear, we stand united. We will not give into hate."
However,
in canceling classes, Dr. Krislov, hereinafter referred to as Aunt Pittypat, did
indeed give in to hate. A few bipedal
pimples with spray paint bullied him and an entire college into abandoning
their vocations as scholars. Instead of
standing up for the freedom to learn, to live, to work, Oberlin spent a day
feeling sorry for its collective self.
That’s
not exactly the spirit of the Oberlin men who helped hold the union line in the
cause of freedom.
With
classes canceled out of fear last week, the men and women of Oberlin finally
did something – they made signs, they staged a sit-in, and they organized
tolerance sessions.
Oh,
yeah, a sit-in – that’ll stop evil in its clawed tracks. Hey, and signs. Wow.
One
student told a rally that “I’m feeling comfortable and supported.” The content and the use of the passive voice
says everything we need to know about a young adult who, given the rare
opportunity to study civilization, explore ideas, develop concepts, write,
dance, paint, compose music, and perhaps, like her Obie predecessors, help free
oppressed peoples, could only bleat out in weakness: “I’m feeling comfortable
and supported.”
Reports
of reports report (finding anything solidly sourced about the problems at
Oberlin is at present impossible) that two Oberlin students were allegedly /
maybe / sort of arrested / detained as persons of interest / expelled from
school, but if so, no one is saying why.
When
Aunt Pittypat addressed the newsies at a press conference, his students
reportedly yelled vulgarities at him, so maybe a culture of spoken obscenity
already obtains at Oberlin, and only written obscenity is offensive to the
young scholars.
In
addition to sponsoring teach-ins, Oberlin has called in the Federal Bureau of
Investigation to, well, investigate crudities scrawled on walls. And if that’s not a worthy use of the FBI,
then what is, eh?
The
reader can follow the Oberlin community as they twitter and tweet at
https://twitter.com/oberlin. Somehow one gets the idea that Oberlin
College at present is the sort of place where people seriously read Samuel
Beckett’s Waiting for Godot.
Oberlin
was once a moral and cultural light, a college of heroic young people who not
only called for injustices to be righted, but hazarded their lives in doing so
themselves. Just now about all they seem
to be capable of calling for is their smelling salts.
-30-
Goodbye, Miz Burres
Mack
Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Goodbye, Miz
Burres
Music
teachers are even more essentially American than red brick schools, soda fountains
on Main Street, Studebakers, baseball, and sidewalk cracks that must be
carefully stepped over. Without a Miss
(or the East Texas variant, Miz) Burris or Bernice or Emma to play the piano for
school assemblies, weddings, funerals, Sunday liturgies, and visits to the
nursing home, America would lose some of her soul and much of her Soul.
After
all, some adult once showed young Beverly Sills how to grace a high note and young
Ivory Joe Hunter how to echo life on the keys of an old piano.
Our
Miz Burres died last week at the age of 102.
At 100 she was still giving private lessons at home. In her 80s she was infinitely pleased to have
her own childhood piano teacher, Miz Lexie / Aunt Lexie, sit in on her young
students’ recitals. And for decades
before that she demonstrated infinite patience with schoolchildren, including a
few inattentive oafs.
Like
the wonderful old three-story school that reposed in pontifical majesty between
First Methodist and First Baptist, perhaps in order to keep the peace between
them, Miz Burres had always been there and would always be there. A photograph of her with second-graders in
1955 and a photograph of her at a celebration of her happy century taken last
year show exactly the same woman: elegant, white-haired, smiling, surrounded by
adoring fans, including her last student.
And
that last student, still a schoolgirl, will in years to come teach other
children how to play the piano, and will show them ways of patterning notes,
saying, “This is how Miz Burres taught me…”
And so, yes, Miz Burres will always be there when little hearts and
hands learn the keys and then grow up to celebrate civilization through music.
A
young person of my acquaintance once visited Westminster Abbey, and in a
cloister ambulatory now stepped out by sneakers rather than by monastic
sandals, noted that she was looking down at the grave of her friend Muzio
Clementi, who lived to the age of eighty despite having been married four times. “Miz Burres taught me his sonatinas,” the
young person said, “They’re fun to play.”
While
driving to Miz Burres’ funeral, the same person, now a young woman, switched on
the CD player and heard the prologue to Mozart’s Die Zauberflote, something else she learned to play from Miz
Burres.
Much
of what is good in life we all owe to each Miz Burres who blessed us in our
youth.
Parade magazine is
offering its first ever Music Educator Award of $10,000 to a music teacher
working in an American school, kindergarten through university. At Parade.com/music you can nominate that
special music teacher who so much influenced you. There is surely in your life a Miz Burres who
could use that money to buy some better instruments or some new sheet music for
her children’s lessons.
Miz Burres never had children at home, but like
James Hilton’s fictional Mr. Chips, and in very truth, she can say, and surely
does from a happy, happy place in Heaven, “I thought I heard you saying it was
a pity... pity I never had any children. But you're wrong. I have. Thousands of
them. Thousands of them...”
Goodbye, Miz Burres.
-30-
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