Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
A Wristwatch Named
Karen
Okay, that’s really not fair. Every Karen I have every
known is a joy to be around. Let’s just say that I have a wristwatch with a
bossy ‘tude.
This summer someone near and dear to me gave me one of
those clever computerized watches to replace my classic (old) $8 Timex.
Karen-the-Watch features a big screen onto which I can
easily sweep dozens of different faces. I picked the one most like my minimalist
(old) Timex with sweep hands and plain numbers that light up all the time, the
day, the date, and, as a tribute to our ancestors who followed lunar calendars,
a moon phase image.
When I sweep the face up a dashboard with six features
appears: wi-fi signal strength meter, a find-the-dumb-phone tap-thing, a battery
indicator, an on-off for sounds, a switch to kill the watch’s lights while in a
theatre, and a walkie-talkie gadget I haven’t yet figured out.
If I receive a message from Dick Tracy or anyone else, or
some other notification (they bounce from the MePhone), I sweep the face down
to read it.
Tapping the stem calls up a list of some 47 (I counted)
features, including all the applications on my MePhone made available on Karen-the-Watch,
only somewhat modified. On a news app, for instance, you see the headlines and
maybe a part of the story. If you have more apps on your MePhone you will have
more apps on your Karen-the-Watch
Others on the list include pulse, blood oxygen levels (ask
your grandpa about femoral sticks for that purpose), ‘phone, pulse, wake-up
alarm (soft Viennese music that slowly becomes rather Germanically noisy if you
don’t respond), calendar, calculator, compass, and lots of things I’ve yet to
figure out.
One of the coolest is an EKG. I can’t read an EKG, but I can see it on the
screen and on the MePhone. All those squiggly lines probably mean something.
Maybe it’s a coded message from R (or P – some consonant, anyway).
Karen-the-Watch tracks the number of steps I take and the
distance I make. I’m shooting for 6,000 steps and three miles every 24 hours
and usually accomplish them. There are little bars for each hour which light up
in sequence when you stand up and do something. Sitting at a desk or in front
of a legacy (old) television set doesn’t count. If you are sedentary for too
long Karen-the-Watch sends you a message suggesting (sort of like a drill
sergeant’s suggestions) that you should get up and move about for a minute or
so.
My Karen-the-Watch came with an ugly and uncomfortable
rubber strap (what was someone not thinking?) which I quickly replaced with
several inexpensive after-market cloth and leather straps from Volga.com (or is
it Danube.com – some river, anyway). To change a strap doesn’t require fiddling
with spring-loaded pins; you just slide-and-click the straps out and in as
necessary.
Karen-the-Watch synchronizes with the MePhone for most
purposes, but when they are far away from each other Karen shows the time and
tracks fitness but won’t send or receive messages.
The only complaint (first-world problems, right?) is that
Karen-the-Phone holds its charge for only about 24 hours. If you’re going on a
trip you’ll have to bring along her special little magnetic charger.
Beyond that…but wait…Karen-the-Watch speaks:
“You need to get to the treadmill now. The nice people
have better things to do than listen to you babble.”
“Yes, dear.”
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