"But I'm a College Graduate!"

Mack Hall

This is an old wheeze; this version is from the ‘blog Happy Catholic:

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store. Work from the front to the back.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, son. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom - I’ll show you how.”

This is the season when schools turn ‘em loose, the “’em” being graduates of high school or university. The camera-hogs often appear minimally articulate; the ambitious ones probably left early for job interviews.

With degrees in interpretive-kinesio-psychology, piercings and tattoos from Mama Bluto’s downtown, and cellphones-to-the-ear by Verizon, like, you know, totally, dog-dude, the graduates are eager to change the world, save the planet, and make a difference.

Sure, okay, fine, but let’s not forget the story of King Alfred letting the bread burn. There is a time to plan the salvation of the nation and a time to watch the bread baking and make sure it isn’t ruined.

This is not to deny the world of ideas, quite the opposite, actually. If a man learns electricity he can use his knowledge to help install MRI machines or to electrify the perimeters of death camps. Ideas, critical thinking, and value systems help him decide what to do with the electricity.

Work, as in cobbling shoes or welding pipe or roofing a house, is pretty much discredited at present. Even a casual glance at popular entertainment indicates that the only careers at present are law enforcement (with much careless discharging of firearms), detective work (in shiny laboratories with unlimited budgets), or vaguely hanging around luxurious offices not doing much except anticipating a laugh-track. In the 1950s good ol’ Charlie Brown was very proud of his father the barber, but he would now expect ol’ dad to be a cool CIS dude.

The presidential candidates may spat with each other on talk shows, but they are in sweet accord on this: people who actually work with their hands are but a background of unwashed commoners to the candidates’ mighty passions of ambition. We are faced with the prospect of being ruled by law school graduates who have never held real jobs and never wondered how they are going to feed the kids, and who yet think they are victims of oppression.

Is not the purpose of a university to teach its graduates how to think better than that?

In sum, the story of the college graduate and the broom (we are not speaking of Hillary’s mode of transportation) may be a layered comment on the pretensions of college graduates, but more than that it may be an observation on the inadequate perceptions of reality in those who would presume to rule us.