Sunday, September 22, 2013

Confusion Among the Faithful


Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

Confusion Among the Faithful

Last week there was some confusion among the faithful after the publication of certain shocking statements attributed to their spiritual leader.  With mixed feelings of anxiety and anticipation, millions gathered in night-long vigils at their local places of worship.

In Houston, a number of the devout were robbed at gunpoint, adding fear and sorrow to an already tense situation and leading to further self-doubt regarding their sacred tradition.

But after every night comes the dawn, and all over the world acolytes in blue vestments opened the doors to true believers, who chanted the traditional Malum litany for the opening of the sacred doors:  “Decem…Novem…Octo… Septem…Sex…Quinque…Quattor…Tres…Duo…Unus…”

And, with tears in their eyes and hymns on their lips, the faithful beheld a new age of mankind: yet another little made-in-China plastic box that lights up and makes noises.

“Yes, the previous Apple was legalistic and narrow-minded, but this new Apple heralds a wonderful new world of freedom,” exulted a young pilgrim from a few streets over.

“Ya just can’t stay with the old ways,” agreed his friend, dressed in a traditional religious habit from Abercrombie.  “Vatican II said ‘Open the windows of the Apple store!’ or something like that. Ya gotta go with the flow, like, y’know, move with the times, like, you know, like a corpse floating downriver.  Like, y’know.”

A woman, her young face drawn in sadness, spoke from the shadows: “But I’ve always been a Windows person.  Can I be forgiven?  Will Apple CEO Tim Cook hold my past Window-ness against me?”

“Of course not,” said one of the acolytes joyfully.  “His Apple is forever!”

The woman sniffed softly.  “Sniff,” she sniffed softly, “Does this mean (sniff) (softly) that I am at last welcome in an Apple store?  I’ve never felt (sniff) (softly) that I was wanted there.”

“Tim Cook has always welcomed you, just as you are, in the name of Steve Jobs,” all the pilgrim faithful assured her.

“Just as I am?  I can enter into the Apple store (sniff) (softly) just as I am, and He will welcome me?”

“With open arms.  He has always been waiting for you,” said one of the acolytes, taking her by the hand.

“And (sniff) (softly) I can remain a Windows person?”

“WHAT!?  Remain a Windows heretic!? Get out!  We don’t want your kind in here!”

-30-

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