Mack
Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
Confusion
Among the Faithful
Last
week there was some confusion among the faithful after the publication of certain
shocking statements attributed to their spiritual leader. With mixed feelings of anxiety and
anticipation, millions gathered in night-long vigils at their local places of
worship.
In
Houston, a number of the devout were robbed at gunpoint, adding fear and sorrow
to an already tense situation and leading to further self-doubt regarding their
sacred tradition.
But
after every night comes the dawn, and all over the world acolytes in blue
vestments opened the doors to true believers, who chanted the traditional Malum litany for the opening of the
sacred doors: “Decem…Novem…Octo… Septem…Sex…Quinque…Quattor…Tres…Duo…Unus…”
And,
with tears in their eyes and hymns on their lips, the faithful beheld a new age
of mankind: yet another little made-in-China plastic box that lights up and
makes noises.
“Yes,
the previous Apple was legalistic and narrow-minded, but this new Apple heralds
a wonderful new world of freedom,” exulted a young pilgrim from a few streets
over.
“Ya
just can’t stay with the old ways,” agreed his friend, dressed in a traditional
religious habit from Abercrombie.
“Vatican II said ‘Open the windows of the Apple store!’ or something
like that. Ya gotta go with the flow, like, y’know, move with the times, like, you
know, like a corpse floating downriver.
Like, y’know.”
A
woman, her young face drawn in sadness, spoke from the shadows: “But I’ve
always been a Windows person. Can I be
forgiven? Will Apple CEO Tim Cook hold
my past Window-ness against me?”
“Of
course not,” said one of the acolytes joyfully.
“His Apple is forever!”
The
woman sniffed softly. “Sniff,” she
sniffed softly, “Does this mean (sniff) (softly) that I am at last welcome in
an Apple store? I’ve never felt (sniff)
(softly) that I was wanted there.”
“Tim
Cook has always welcomed you, just as you are, in the name of Steve Jobs,” all
the pilgrim faithful assured her.
“Just
as I am? I can enter into the Apple
store (sniff) (softly) just as I am, and He will welcome me?”
“With
open arms. He has always been waiting
for you,” said one of the acolytes, taking her by the hand.
“And
(sniff) (softly) I can remain a Windows person?”
“WHAT!? Remain a Windows heretic!? Get out! We don’t want your kind in here!”
-30-
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