Sunday, April 1, 2012

My Old Kentucky Arson

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com


My Old Kentucky Arson

On Saturday night a large number of people in Lexington, Kentucky chose to overturn cars and set fire to couches.  One supposes they could have instead set fire to a cars and overturned couches, but that would have required a discourse contrasting free will with determinism.  Indeed, they could have chosen to overturn bicycles and set fire to lawn chairs, which would have been much less demanding physically, but one does not expect rational behavior from lemmings.

This giddiness was not an expression of joy at the vigil of Palm Sunday, but rather an outpouring of passion because one small group of young men had demonstrated greater efficiency than another small group of young men at hurling a spheroid through a ring appropriate to the size of the spheroid.

So take that, China; Americans can still throw things with accuracy and then commit arson.  We’re Number One.

According to The Tennessean, a newspaper which is part of the Something Group, Susan Straub, a spokeswoman for the mayor, said that “Things have not gotten out of control.”  Presumably her car and her couch were intact.

Excuse me for raising a point of disorder here, but isn’t a mob overturning cars and burning furniture pretty much an example of things getting out of control?

One photograph showed a young white man in a hoodie and a young black man hoodie-less sharing a touching moment together as they helped tip over a car.  You know, given the racial tensions in this nation, it almost brings a tear to one’s eyes to see vibrant diversity and inclusiveness as young people of different backgrounds come together as one to destroy someone else’s wheels.

Stand tall, Kentucky, thou art a light unto the nations.

Apparently many of the wreckers were university students, so possibly they were rioting after heated discussions about John Milton’s Paradise Lost.  Or perhaps they were frustrated about an experiment in extending Pythagorean theorems into higher concepts of calculus.

To paraphrase an old line of Samuel Johnson’s, one does not evaluate the academic standards of a university of Kentucky; one marvels that there is a university in Kentucky at all.

The rioters were celebrating a win.  If they had lost they would have perhaps tipped over an Amtrak and burned dining tables, thus continuing the transportation and furniture themes.

But, hey, if you think Saturday night was violent, just wait until the chess season.  “Checkmate!” is the call to arms that leads to copies of Spinoza being overturned in front of Barnes & Noble, graphing calculators being burned in the chemistry lab, and drive-by stern looks of disapproval.

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