Ten Things You Won't Hear on New Year's

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com

Ten Things You Won’t Hear on New Year’s

1. Stay up until midnight?  Why?
    
2. I’m not making any new year’s resolutions because I don’t need to; last year’s resolutions worked out so well.
    
3. We never watch professional football; there’s something un-American about watching millionaires in body armor beat each other up in taxpayer-funded stadia.
    
4. Hollywood gave the world such great films last year that I’m hoping they maintain their momentum in artistic quality this year.
    
5. On New Year’s we stay up late, almost until nine, playing chess.
    
6. No champagne for me, thanks.
    
7. Why would anyone spend the first day of the new year watching a network’s morning show b-team over-narrate a parade somewhere in Ohio?
    
8.  In the new fiscal year my company will be booking most of its travel with one of those new Asian airlines.  Hey, they’re the future, right?
    
9. Blackeyed peas and cabbage?  You’re going to put that stuff in your mouth?  How is that lucky?  Is there a blackeyed-pea-and-cabbage fairy?
    
10. Lift your glasses, everyone; I propose a toast to Kim Jong Un and Sony – a marriage made in, well, somewhere.

 

-30-