Thursday, May 7, 2020

So That's Why Texas Jails Beauticians - weekly column


Lawrence (Mack) Hall, HSG


 

So That’s Why Texas Jails Beauticians

 

The concept of essential jobs and nonessential jobs eludes many of us. If you have a job it’s an essential job because food, clothing, and shelter are essential.  Who is it who sits enthroned on high with the authority from some planetary overlord to determine whether your job is essential?

 

Beauticians, whose daily practices and spaces have always been required to meet strict education, re-education, safety, health, and hygiene requirements, have of late been shut down, shut out, and shut up, and when several of them got all uppity about needing to work – work – have been investigated and sometimes jailed (https://reason.com/2020/05/07/texas-governor-greg-abbott-will-not-jail-people-shelley-luther-for-violating-coronavirus-social-distancing/).

 

And we the people understand: law-abiding citizens must be protected from wild-eyed barbers and beauticians wielding semi-automatic assault scissors with 30-round banana magazines. No one knows the horrible death rate inflicted on innocents by those out-of-control clipper-crazies.

 

Why can’t beauticians and barbers be more like, oh, hot-air balloon pilots who charge people for flights?

 

According to the FAA (http://www.pilotfriend.com/training/flight_training/faa_bal.htm), requirements to fly as a commercial balloon pilot begin with:

Subpart E -- Commercial Pilots

·         The age requirement for a commercial pilot certificate is 18 years.

·         Read, speak and understand the English language.

·         No medical certificate required. Same as paragraph 3 above.

·         The applicant must pass a more advanced written test on the subject matter listed in paragraph 4 above, additional operating procedures relating to commercial operations, and those duties required of a flight instructor.

·         Advanced training must be received from an authorized instructor including those items listed in paragraph 5 above plus emergency recovery from a terminal velocity descent.

·         The applicant for a commercial certificate must have at least 35 hours of flight time as a pilot, of which 20 hours must be in balloons, 6 under the supervision of an instructor, 2 solo flights, 2 flights of at least one duration, and one flight to 5000 feet above the take-off point.

The holder of a commercial pilot's certificate may operate a balloon for hire and may give flight instruction.

 

Want to go for a balloon ride?

 

According to the State of Texas, requirements to work as a cosmetologist or barber (https://www.tdlr.texas.gov/cosmet/cosmetlaw.htm) (pour yourself a cup of coffee; this is going to take a while) begin with:

 

OCCUPATIONS CODE

TITLE 9. REGULATION OF BARBERS, COSMETOLOGISTS, AND RELATED OCCUPATIONS

CHAPTER 1602. COSMETOLOGISTS

(Effective date September 1, 2019)

Table of Contents






 






 



 















 








 







 










 

















 

These strict requirements wisely keep beauticians and barbers from killing people by flying them into power lines or by dropping them thousands of feet to their deaths when the balloon catches fire.

 

So, yeah, that’s why Texas jails beauticians.

 

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