Lawrence Hall, HSG
Avon Man and the
Mystery of His First-Best Bed
I gyve unto my wief my second best bed…
-Attributed
to Shakespeare in his will. Or Churchill. Or Milton. Or Elvis. Or Some Famous
Man. And Shakespeare was secretly a Catholic. (No, he wasn’t.) (Yes, he was.)
(No, he wasn’t.) (Yes, he was; I read it on the InterGossip.)
That second-best bed doesn’t matter a pop
Those anyones whoever slept in it are deads
Memorialized as dashboard bobbleheads
At Ye Olde Anne Hathawaye gifte shoppe
Kinge Richarde nevere cryede, “mye kyngdome fore ye bedde!”
Yea, goode olde Sirre Erpinghame joked, “Now lye I like a
kynge”
So what’s the deale withe the firste-beste bedde thynge?
Thatte seconde bedde is where the Widowe rested hir hedde
Ande thusse ye scholares maken withouten cessatione
Unsupportede argumentes and allegationes
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