Dialogue You Never Hear in Cowboy Movies

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

Dialogue You Never Hear in Cowboy Movies

“The jail hasn’t been built that can’t hold me.”

“I’ve been three months on the trail, and I’m parched from the alkali dust. Give me a nice cup of tea.”

“They’re cattle rustlers. We’re all going into town to discuss our issues and try to understand each other’s existential needs.”

“It’s not just a flesh wound.”

“We’re invitin’ you to a necktie party. All the coolest designers will be there with their autumn neckwear collections – Calvin Klein, Yves St. Laurent, Versace…”

“That’s the most dangerous stallion in the corral. He won’t be broken. He kicks. He bites. He’s put two cowboys in the hospital. His name is Fluffy.”

“Bugler - sound flip-flops and saddles!”

“I’ll be your huckleberry muffin.”

“This town’s probably big enough for the two of us.”

“They died with their open-toe sandals on.”

“That’s Beige Bart, the most mediocre hombre ever to stroll the streets of Dodge City.”

“I’ll see you in the street at high noon, marshal – wait, is that daylight savings time…?”

“Whiskey, bartender – and don’t leave the bottle.”

"I mean to hurt your feelings in one minute, Ned. Or see that you have therapy in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which'll it be?"

"I call that insensitive microaggression for a visually-impaired, overweight person!"

“When you say that, don’t smile.”

“I’ll see what the girls in the back room will have.”

“I’ve got a numb trigger finger.”

“We don’t have company.”

“Head ‘em down! Move ‘em in!”

“Eeeeeek! Native Americans!”

“Now Zeke, here, he’s into French New Wave. I wouldn’t bring up Italian cinema if I were you.”

“Had me a nice little Starbuck’s franchise in Tombstone…’til the Clantons moved in with their Panera Bread.”

“You be careful in the Bucket of Blood Saloon, Tex; I hear they can cut up rough over a game of chess.”

“We have an active shooting situation.”

“Hey, Shortbread! No steak and taters for me tonight. Just mix me up a nice salad.”

“Don’t shoot them rattlesnakes, Amarillo Slim; they’re an endangered species.”

“You caused a lot of trouble here today, pilgrim, and someone oughta punch you in the mouth. But I won’t. I won’t. Really, I won’t.”

“Indians, outlaws, stampedes, trail dust – I sure hope we get these here cows into Abilene in time for the Shakespeare Festival.”

“Yeah, that’s the new sheriff all right. ‘Course she’s only sheriffin’ until that job in graphics design opens up.”

“Why, heck, boys, I’d rather be hung by my friends than by a bunch of dang strangers…you know, that’s the stupidest line in fiction.”

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