We'll Always Have Hagen-Daz - Yet More Things People Never Say

Mack Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

We’ll Always Have Hagen-Daz –
Yet More Things People Never Say

“Well, I’m not an engineer, so when the Texas Department of Transportation posts a 75 mph speed zone on a narrow, two-lane rural road that doesn’t even have a shoulder I’m sure they know what they’re doing.”

“June is not too early for back-to-school advertisements.”

“These new, made-in-China belts you’ve got on sale – were they made in Shanghai by prisoners or were they made in Shanghai of prisoners?”

“Is it just me, or is it true that the quality of movies has really gone up in the past few years?”

“We were saving up for a vacation in Hawaii, but have decided instead to visit Hagia Sophia in Constantinople.”

“I’m not worth a darn in the morning until I’ve had that first cup of lapsang souchong.”

“As a man I really appreciate those story radio ads that depict the husband, father, or boyfriend as an idiot. They’re imaginative, original, well-written, and well-spoken, and make me want to go right to that store and buy something.”

“Whenever I think of the TSA I get a warm, fuzzy feeling all over.”

“I’m sure glad our federal government went after those soccer people in Europe. Our domestic narco-terrorism can wait.”

“This computer has been doing me good for about ten years now, and I expect to get another ten years out of it.”

“Jade Helm – isn’t that one of those cheap aftershaves?”

“Mom, Dad, it’s not fair! Why won’t you let me read the poetry of John Keats or the short stories of Anton Chekhov? I’m tired of all those dumb video games you make play!”

“Sir, I have to ask you if your meal in our restaurant was okay, but really our company’s real customer service policy is from Rawhide: ‘Head ‘em up! Move ‘em out!’”

“A cigar, but not close.”

“Russian novels always help me find my happy place.”

“No real butter for my toast; give me one of those plastic tubs of yellow-stained grease, please.”

“I always vote in my local school board elections.”

“Am I tired of the time-wasting rhetorical technique of the speaker asking himself a question and then answering it? Absolutely!”

“Am I tired of people answering a question with ‘absolutely’ instead of a simple ‘yes?’ Absolutely!”

“Saudi Arabia is a solid ally, maybe the best friend this nation has.”

“The kids laughed so hard when Bambi’s mother died!”

“I was born and raised Texas tough, like a pickup truck commercial, and I’m okay with Hagen-Daz ice cream.”

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