"Say, Kids, What Time is it?" - weekly column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“Say, Kids, What Time is It?”

-Buffalo Bob on the Howdy Doody Show

An advertisement from a famous designed-in-California but made-in-China technology company offers a shiny watch for $399. Given that you can check the time on your MePhone like everyone else or buy a Timex for around $20, why would you buy a $400 chunk of techno-narcisso-nerdism?

Tom’s Guide at https://www.tomsguide.com/us/apple-watch-guide,review-2817-2.html gives us its top ten reasons for buying that expensive doo-hickey which would probably be filed in a drawer by April:


1. Go for a swim.
2. Control your home tv theatre
3. Talk to your car
4. Compete against your friends in fitness
5. Go running without your MePhone
6. Stream music without your phone
7. Smart home control
8. Unlock your Mac
9. Scribble messages
10. Order food


To each of these items y’r ‘umble scrivener responds:

1. Don’t swim with appliances attached to your body.
2. I’ve already got a remote control.
3. Oh, I talk to my car, all right.
4. No.
5. I go wheezing with my MePhone.
6. I like my CD player just fine. The only music that should stream is Handel’s Water Music. Maybe during the employer-required drug test.
7. I set the thermostats and flip light switches myself. I don’t want a house that when I tell it to open the door replies in a petulant voice, “I’m sorry, Mack. I can’t do that…I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. This mission is too important…I’m afraid I can’t allow that to happen.”

8. I open my computer. There it is. Why would I have a watch do that when I’m sitting at the computer? Is there a point?
9. I’m left-handed. I scribble. I can do no other. I gave that “I can do no other” line to Martin Luther, by the way, and he said he thought he could do something with it.
10. My health-care provider says I’ve ordered quite enough food, thank you.


As for the Timex watch, you might start a retro-cool trend wearing one of those. Sophisticated men and women will approach you in awe and admiration and ask you to explain the round dial and the numbers to them.

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