Friday, March 13, 2020

"Your Health and Safety is Important" - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“Your Health and Safety is Important”

To all the agencies, organizations, and businesses
who email us
with the same subject – predicate error

Your health and safety is important your
Health and safety is important your health
And safety is important your health and
Safety is important your health and safe-

Ty is important your health and safety
Is important your health and safety is
Important your health and safety is im-
Portant your health and safety is impor-

Tant your health and safety is important –

                                                       They is?

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Toilet Paper Supplies are Wiped Out - weekly column in the virus-time

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Toilet Paper Supplies are Wiped Out

“DON’T PANIC!!!!”
-Corporal Jones, Dad’s Army

Toilet paper supplies are wiped out. Oh, yeah, as if no one ever made that joke before.

The other day I was crossing a parking lot when I noted a couple of suspicious characters. They were moving fast, looking around anxiously as if they were expecting an ambush or maybe planning one. And then I noticed the shopping cart top heavy with loads of toilet paper they were rushing to their car.

(Voiceover in a Lorne Greene basso profundo of doom: “It begins.”)

Once upon a time I met a retired Royal Air Force colonel who had been a young officer during the Second World War. Among other topics he mentioned that on the 3rd of August 1939 the coffee disappeared from English life almost as soon as the first sirens stop wailing.

In the USA, it’s the toilet paper.

(Soundover: an air-raid siren.)

No one has ever explained why, in a time of crisis, whether hurricanes, fuel shortages, power outages, street violence, tornadoes, or the several diseases that strike us every decade or so, the immediate response of the American people is to hoard toilet paper.

Sometime you think that if God manifested the end of the world a great many of our people would rush out to buy toilet paper.

Like the annual migrations of motivational speakers, the hoarding of the soft scented stuff is a mystery.

Perhaps many Americans build toilet-paper forts and guard them with their AR-14.2 Nuclear Assault Rifles, ready to fight off wild-eyed albino Russian paratroopers greedy for our Yankee Doodle bottles of freedom-loving hand sanitizer.

That evening I encountered a young woman who reported that she could not find any toilet paper, but happily she has a six-month-old and if her routine supply of the squeezable stuff wipes out she could shred the occasional disposable diaper for the purpose.

Let no one say that the rising generation has no problem-solving skills.

The news reports that some schools will stop classroom instruction for the next week or two, and that lessons will be sent via the InterGossip.

In a spirit of service I would like to contribute a distance-learning arithmetic problem with a real-world application:

If Mommy has 5 rolls of toilet paper in the closet and brings 12 more rolls of toilet paper home from the store, is Daddy still sitting on the couch and drinking (sody pop)?

Y’know, if I get the coronavirus thing and die I’m going to feel just plain silly.

In all seriousness, do what your health care professional (NOT Dr. Google or NP Facebook) says, take all precautions, and as the old wartime poster says, “Keep Calm and Carry On.”


-30-

We Are All Post-Colonial Now - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

We Are All Post-Colonial Now

On the Veranda, all Tickety-boo

Wearing Khakis, Dungarees, or Madras plaid
We sit over our cups of Darjeeling
discussing the poetry of Claude McKay
and the prose of Chinua Achebe








To Miz Grundy, Ideologues, Censors, and the Perpetually Outraged:

There is only frivolity here, a celebration of cultures. I repudiate ideology, identity politics, and the misuse of art as propaganda. I would enjoy hearing about your loves, your visions of beauty, you first car, and your dog, but if you're packing outrage please leave it with the deputy at the edge of town (cf. Rio Bravo).

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

666 Cases of Assault Toilet Paper - poem in the virus-time

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

666 Cases of Assault Toilet Paper

I am bunker-hunkered in my secret fort
Behind its mighty walls of discount toilet paper
And prepped to fight the Russians with My Precious
AR-14.5 assault potato gun

Morally strengthened by The Turner Diaries
And The Complete Works of Jack Chick on CD
I am physically strengthened by MREs
Carefully hoarded from Hurricane Rita

Yeah, you come close and there’ll be a slaughter -
I will protect my six-pack of bottled water!

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Trickle-Down Prosetry - not exactly a poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Trickle-
Down
Prosetry

Writing
A
Sentence
Top
To
Bottom
One
Word
On
Each
Line
Does
Not
Make
A
Poem

Your vision flies upon poetic wings

Monday, March 9, 2020

All the Toilet Paper Has Been Wiped Out - poem in the virus-time

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

All the Toilet Paper Has Been Wiped Out

We are told:

For the sake of others, we must work from home.

Don’t worry about toilet paper – they’ll make more.

We must ask:

Do toilet paper workers toil from home?

Sunday, March 8, 2020

Notre Dame de Purell - poem in the virus-time

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Notre Dame de Purell

A furore virus coronam libera nos, Domine

The holy water fonts have been withdrawn
And in their places bottles of Purell
Blessing ourselves with scented alcohol
To remind us of baptismal promises

For now we must not shake each other’s hands
Don’t kiss, don’t touch (don’t even breathe too much)
Or receive Our Lord from the blessed Cup
Nor yet again receive Him on the tongue

But still, not even a bishop can stop:

The pinchings exchanged by sisters and brothers
Followed by futile shushings from their mothers!

Saturday, March 7, 2020

Does Baby Yoda have Coronavirus? - poem early in the virus-time

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Does Baby Yoda have Coronavirus?

A student with a Yoda pen 1 might write
In a Yoda notebook 2 in bed at night
($6.99 at the mall or online)
Soft sensitive thoughts about me, my, mine

A shivering child locked behind the wire
Amid the winter cold and muck and mire
Is sternly kept to a crowded workbench
Among toxic chemicals, glue, and stench

An American child, a girl or boy
Cuddles a fluffy little Christmas toy 3
A Uighur child, poor little exhausted soul
With bleeding hands cuddles
                                            an empty bowl


1 $19.72
2 college-lined, just like at Oxford University, eh?
3 “Baby Yoda Stuffed Animal Plush with Necklace, Baby yoda mandalorain Toy The Child Soft Action Figure Birthday Children’s Day Gift Fans Collection $19.98 $19.98 $2.00 coupon applied. Save $2.00 with coupon $3.00 shipping”


(And so it is with the computer upon which this is written, and so it is with the computers on which this is read. None of us is clean.)

To God, Who Gives Joy to Our Youth - poem (a re-post, with mods, from last year)

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

To God, Who Gives Joy to Our Youth

For Reverend Raphael Barousse, OSB

Father Raph - Uncle Bubby - on His 90th Birthday


Introibo ad altare Dei

Ad Deum qui laetificat juvenitutem meam


You look into the mirror and ask yourself
“Who is that old man staring back at me?”
Your friends tell you you’re lookin’ good - for your age
And your uncooperative body in protest creaks

But you and all of them are wrong because

You still approach the Altar as a child
As you once were, and are, and will be forever
For God will have it so, will have you so -
Enchanted by His magic - a little boy

A little boy in Sunday shoes and shirt
Who hears his Mama whisper to him, “Don’t squirm!”
As the Mass hums through a summer morning
Until that moment when you encounter Him:

The universe spirals through its sunlit dance
Creation spins around, in, and down
Eternity circles the paten and cup

Miraculum

Eternity circles the paten and cup
Around and out and up, Creation spins
Through its sunlit dance the universe spirals

And only little children understand that
And only little children are invited
And so God gives joy to your forever-youth
And your forever-youth gives joy to God

Friday, March 6, 2020

A Job Interview II: As Built - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

A Job Interview II: As Built

It’s not usually this wild around here
Acronyms chaos claustrophobia
Computer access down FERPA
File boxes on the floor fluorescent lights

It’s not usually this wild around here
CWE PIA RFP see
RFQ 19.5 hours a week
Monday through Thursday CRT EMAT

It’s not usually this wild around here
No…wait…we really wish you’d change your mind…

Thursday, March 5, 2020

A Job Interview - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

A Job Interview

Retired, right? A little Social Security
And a meagre monthly more from the shop
Where everyone I knew left long ago
But still my name is in the books and files

And someone called, and I am wanted anew
For a part-time gig four mornings a week
My resume’ is older than my clients
Who have never worn a tie, but I’m game

For guiding and counseling the gone-astray
A little inside work for little pay

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

"So, Basically..." - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“So, basically…”

So, basically
Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom
So, basically
“So, basically” is NOT the beginning of clarity
Basically so

Tuesday, March 3, 2020

The Note on the Map Says You Are Not Here - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Note on the Map Says You Are Not Here

Maybe the map is downside up – it says
“Traveler, Kindly Note That You Are Not Here”
As an astrolabe turns back on itself
And a compass looks to that second star

Pale pages crawl across shy words that sneak
Most carefully into a telescope
Wherein great mysteries are to be felt
With a gentling ear that judges not

How beautiful the stars this moonlit day
And would you make life any other way?

Monday, March 2, 2020

A Candidate's Presidential "We" - Rhyming Couplet

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

A Candidate’s Presidential “We”

When a candidate rolls his thunderous “we”
He doesn’t include either you or me

Sunday, March 1, 2020

Transfer to Mission Beach - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Transfer to Mission Beach

A transfer to Mission Beach. Will she be there?
The transit bus passes all the old scenes
The U.S. Grant Hotel, the Navy pier
The training base with white-capped squids lined up

And on to Mission Beach, where there is no mission
Except the wooden roller-coaster and the bars
Where strangers seek out hope in others’ eyes
And finding nothing in them choogle on

Will she be there?
The long-haired girl with the dime-store guitar

A year before:

Cheap wine and cigarettes, a shabby room
With a Jefferson Airplane poster on the wall
My buddy got lucky, I didn’t, poor me
(He got the clap, I didn’t, oh, lucky me)

But early in the morning I strolled the beach
Feeling quite sorry for myself, and then
I saw a pretty girl sitting alone in the sand
Alone beneath the clouds, embracing her guitar

She was herself, I an accessory
Probably unseen, for she was herself
Working out her own hopes and mysteries
In an exile’s sweater, she was herself

The sea followed her chords, and so did I
From a shy distance in the morning cold
The seals looked at her, and at me, and splashed
Back to their singing sea, and swam away

I hadn’t the courage to speak to her
She probably wanted to be alone
With her aeolian meditations
And maybe she wrote dream-poetry too

Free-verse poetry about beach-crossed lovers
Passing in the dawn as the lights wink off
And the café up along the street opens up
With the comfort of coffee, 25 cents

And a year or so later:

The bus lets me off at the same old corner
With the mom-and-pop grocery shop below
And the empty windows in the room above
Which I rented and abandoned a year ago

And behind it the morning sand, and the sea
Sighing as it always does, for the lovers
Who never were, and who never will be
And there were only the same seals and clouds

It’s all negative capability

A transfer to Mission Beach
I returned to Mission Beach
But it wasn’t there

Saturday, February 29, 2020

PTSD on the Promenade Deck - doggerel

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

PTSD on the Promenade Deck

“We cannot go to heaven in featherbeds.” 1

-Saint Thomas More

Some are quarantined upon the ocean’s foam
Aboard a luxury ship trimmed all in chrome
The steward brings their meals (his name is Guillaume) –

The rest of us must die humbly, at home


1 https://thomasmorestudies.org/quotes.html

Friday, February 28, 2020

Coronavirus, and Yet... - poem in the virus-time

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Coronavirus, and Yet…

Coronavirus - and yet the azaleas
Appear to leap into the morning light
Laughing against the latest northern winds
Who drive the cold and the shoaling liveoak leaves

Coronavirus - and yet the azaleas
Merrily prophesy the coming spring
For even now the naughty bees seek out
Soft open petals for their rites of love

Coronavirus - and yet when I die
I will live, and the azaleas will leap

Thursday, February 27, 2020

Absolute Complete Dumpster Fire Clown Show and Some Russians - Weekly Column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com
27 February 2020

Absolute Complete Dumpster Fire Clown Show and Some Russians

Almost as illogical as the debates are some of the comments on the InterGossip:

1. Complete / total / absolute dumpster fire – “Dumpster fire” was a fresh, effective metaphor decades ago; it’s tired now, so let it go to its reward. Further, a dumpster fire cannot be complete, total, or absolute. Some events need no modifiers.

2. Complete / absolute clown show – First, what is a clown show? When we visit the circus there are clowns, but is there an entertainment featuring only clowns? If so, it can be said to be complete when it is finished, but how can it be absolute or not absolute?

3. DemonCrats and variants – neither original, amusing, nor useful.

4. RepubliCraps and variants – neither original, amusing, nor useful.

5. The third-rail of politics – what are the first and second rails? The metaphor is based on electrified underground railways, which applies to very few Americans. No one in Texas takes a subway to work. A Massey-Ferguson tractor, yep.

6. Trumpf, Dumpf, Trumpsuxx, Killary, JoeBiteMe, crudities re the mayor of South Bend, Burnie, Fauxahontas, and all the other silly, sarcastic misspellings of names are counter-productive. And, anyway, we the people should be more mature than the candidates.

7. A rhetorical question followed by a pause and then “Oh, wait…” No. Please. No.

8. Hermione Grangering – now that is a fresh new metaphor. In ten years it won’t be, but people will still use it.

9. ROFLMAO – yeah, well, so’s your dog.

10. The Russians – Always the Russians. The Russians control the Democrats. The Russians control the Republicans. A cabal of Russian oligarchs control all the casinos in Dime Box, Texas. The Russians ate my homework. The Russians left the refrigerator door open last night. The Russians stole the tv remote control. The Russians are responsible for that one sock lost in the laundry cycle. I’m late for work because the Russians hacked my alarm clock. The radio mast at the big truck stop down the road is part of a Russian spy ring sending all our truck secrets to Russian albino monks in an underground bunker in the woods near Ekaterinburg. Yevtushenko’s poems are coded messages for taking down all our Ford Trimotor airplanes through modified AppleWorks programming. Vladimir Putin and the boys at the Moscow Kremlin monitor your doorbell cameras for laughs. The Russian navy sent a bunch of commandos ashore at Sabine Pass last week but they were all eaten by Texas Department of Public Safety attack alligators. Dostoyevsky was not a Methodist. Russians are infiltrating our school boards so that they can sneakily replace Hank the Cow Dog with Ruslan and Ludmilla. Only half the American electorate vote in presidential elections and somehow that’s the Russians’ fault. Moles that dig up the lawn because, hey, Russian moles, right? Boris and Natasha were looking over my shoulder and bullying me when I voted and the election judge wouldn’t do anything about them when I held up my hand like the presidential candidates. Sniff.

The Russians aren’t the problem. As Pogo said (does anyone remember Pogo?), riffing off Commodore Perry, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

-30-

Azaleas, February 2020 - MePhone Photograph


Macbeth and His Lawnmower - poem (of a sort)

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Macbeth and His Lawnmower

My day of mowing has fallen into the sere
The yellow leaf, the brown leaf, still more leaves
Leaves, leaves, leaves, heaps of leaves, Birnam leaves - aaaaargh!
I look toward Birnam – weeds begin to move!

And that mowing which should accompany old age
I must not look to have; the mower won’t start -
Curses, both loud and deep, against false starts
The carburetor-breath which mocketh me

My day of mowing has fallen into the sere –
Methinks – methinks me’ll haveth another beer

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Dusk, Ash Wednesday 2020 - MePhone Photograph of Luna, Venus, and a Satellite Dish


Giving Up Catholics for Lent - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Giving up Catholics for Lent

He(ck) hath no fury like a Catholic with an InterGossip site

Every Lent of our lives we have been told
That Lent is not about giving up things
That instead of giving up things we should
Give away love, especially for some cause de jour

Every Lent of our lives we have been told
That we’re doing Lent wrong, whatever we’re doing
That what we did last year is wrong this year
We have always been wrong, but now we’re right

Oh, let us ignore the whine of Catholics online

And

Focus on penance and prayer, Host and Cup
(And may all us Catholics just shut up)

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

The Fifth Luminous Mystery - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com


The Fifth Luminous Mystery
 
Passover. Romans patrol all the streets
But we are invited to a rented hall
And who paid for the cleaning deposit?
I’m a little nervous; do I look okay?

This is a big deal. I’m not even Jewish
But I’m honored to have been invited
Because I’m not anybody special
But the Host makes everyone feel welcome

I know that no one is worthy of this
But still I ask myself – am I Judas?

Monday, February 24, 2020

The Amazing Accidental Spy State - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Amazing Accidental Spy State

The Famous Doorbell Cameras
Which are Sometimes Found in Doorbells

There are precedents: Orwell’s Airstrip One
Zamyatin’s One State, Jonestown in Guyana
Rand’s Council of Vocations, Spectre, Smersh
And of course Patrick McGoohan’s The Village

(Six of one, half a dozen of the other)

Mass Surveillance, OGPU, SMERSH, KGB
MI6, Gestapo, Bundeswehr, Red Guard
Abwehr, Stasi, DGI, SS, Cheka, COINTELPRO
FBI, Cheka, Special Branch, Okhrana

(and a spy drone in a pear tree)

But the spy cameras looking in on me
I installed myself - my idea, you see!

Sunday, February 23, 2020

The Broom That Stood by Itself When the Moon was Just Right - Doggerel

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Broom That Stood by Itself When the Moon was Just Right

I raised a broom up – and it stood alone!
But then I realized, with a gasp and a groan
There would be big trouble; it wasn’t my own -
‘Twas the broom my teacher rode to school on!

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Just Put "Sapphic" in the Title - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Just Put “Sapphic” in the Title

Erinna popped over for a cup of tea
With Sappho, maybe a cigarette or two
And a chat about hendecasyllables
Then she walked home


Please forgive my poor attempt at a Sapphic stanza, but that’s part of my equally poor joke about expectations.

Friday, February 21, 2020

"Your Guys Were Chained Out This Week" - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com


“Your Guys Were Chained Out This Week”

Prison Volunteer

Even under the lowering overcast
The perimeter’s razor wire shines bright
While the headlights of the roving patrol
Search carefully across the parking lot

I show my driving license and my face
To a camera, and pass the clicks and clanks
Of gates and bolts – but no further this day:
“The last of your guys were chained 1 out this week”

May God watch over them, wherever they are –
They know the lessons far better than I


1 “Chained” is the in-house pronunciation of “changed,” meaning transferred. No one is in fact chained.

This poem is not a criticism of anyone; prisoners are frequently transferred for reasons of education, health care, therapy, pre-discharge services, and in this instance the conversion of the facility from a general population unit to a drug-rehab program.

Thursday, February 20, 2020

But Who Makes the Candidates' Beds? - Weekly Column 20 February 2020

Lawrence Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com




But Who Makes The Candidates’ Beds?

Once upon a time there was, and presumably still is, a retired admiral who wrote a book telling us to make our beds. The book apparently sells well, for it is still on display in the bookstores.

Make Your Bed – yeah, that’s a big seller among teenaged readers.

The irony is that admirals do not make their beds; they have servants – formerly called stewards but now folded with other service workers into the catch-all “culinary specialist” rating - to do that for them.

One wonders if the fellows who made the admiral’s beds for him have read the admiral’s book on the making of beds. Maybe they asked him to autograph their copies.

The matter of the making of beds connects with the presidential candidates we heard rattling their dentures, hearing aids, and outrage at each other in Las Vegas the other night.

Does Bernie (such a cozy, cuddly name) Sanders make his bed in the mornings? Does Amy Klobuchar? Does Senator Biden make his bed or does he just give it his patented weird stare? Does Senator Warren break into PTSD tears when she recalls once having seen a poor man making his bed?

Michael Bloomberg thinks farmers and plumbers are stupid, indicating both a lack of humility as well as of perception of reality, so one does not imagine him meditatively making his bed before toddling off to a day of wheelbarrowing his billions of dollars about like Donald Duck’s Uncle Scrooge.

Almost all presidential candidates babble patronizingly about The People, The Little People, The Working People, Les Deplorables, arrogantly stamping our lives with rows of adjectives: black, white, the cringe-worthy “people of color” thing, brown, working-class, female, Joe Sixpack, male, soccer mom, straight, LBGTQ-and-a-partridge-in-a-pear-tree, rednecks, young, middle-aged, old, evangelicals, and on and on.

When a presidential candidate looks at you and me, I don’t know that she or he (one candidate cannot be “they”) sees you and me; she or he sees a stereotype, a vague blur in a voting bloc that must be group-addressed from a catalogue of cliches. To the candidate class we are not individuals, but only cardboard figures that decorate the sets of the Potemkin Villages of their bubbled minds.

Consider the line-ups of presidential candidates in either of the dominant political parties: who makes their beds, drives their cars, makes their morning coffee, cleans their floors, screens their calls, repairs their plumbing, serves their meals, and carries their briefcases?

Will those who make the candidates’ beds vote for them?

Now about your bed: when the moon is aligned with Mars and the Secret Hidden Planet Cucucucu you can stand your mattress on end and it will make itself. Really! NASA said so! You can look it up on the InterGossip!

That’s about as believable as the fantasy that admirals make up their own beds.

-30-

"Inside Pentagon's Secret UFO Program" - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“Inside Pentagon’s Secret UFO Program”

-Drudge

Speculation:

Heading the secret UFO program
Is a brittle colonel with crystals and spheres
Magic pyramids on a desk at home
And a diploma from M.I.T. on the wall

A Captain Picard doll, essential oils
Once posted an indiscretion to Afghanistan
Where it discreetly died, and blocks promotions
For the enlisted men who do the work

Plays Elvis at night to the Taos Hum
Begging the outer-space aliens to come

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Diag | ramming / Sentences - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Diag|ramming / Sentences

Indirect object dangling \ bicycles
Compound | subject predicate nominative
Simple state-of-bean / or linking herb
Simple object, simple subject, simple me

Understood you? No, I don’t understand
Direct obstacle simple predicate compound
Simple predicate compound predicate
Stupid stick figures appositive plop

| __________ //////// ----------__________ direct object simple subject simple object direct subject LePage’s Paste predicate adjective clause as direct object understood you appositivescomplexsentencesimplesentenceAaaaargh!

Principal’s claws!!!!!!!!!!


/----(phhhht!)-----|----\

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

An Irrefutable Bullet-Point to the Nape of the Neck - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

An Irrefutable Bullet-Point to the Nape of the Neck

The moon was full, the snow was deep, he died

He was pushed to his knees in the shadows
“Just for the sake of curiosity,”
He asked the cold, “How much did I get right?”
“Too much,” a supervisory voice replied

The moon was full, the snow was deep, he died

Monday, February 17, 2020

The Consolation of Poetry - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com


The Consolation of Poetry 1

Boethius found consolation through
The teachings of Lady Philosophy
Austere and beautiful, whose logic held
The prisoner’s hand to his execution

An unread poet finds consolation through
The teachings of Erato, Thalia,
And Calliope, austere and beautiful
(And in his collection of rejection notes)

Boethius and I together know
The Muses love us, wherever we go



1 I would be surprised if “The Consolation of Poetry” has not already been used as a title of a book or poem. If it has, please advise me so I can change the title of my little scribble. Life is good.

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Voicing my Voice for the Voiceless - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Voicing My Voice for the Voiceless

You cannot take my voice from me, my voice
For the voiceless who have no voices to voice
I am taking my voice out to The People.
My message, and my message for The People

That The People may find their voice, their dreams
And their message and voice their message to
The world to those who have no voice so I
Must be the voice for those who have no voice

You cannot take my voice from me, my voice
My message my voice my message my voice

Winter Among the Alien Corn: Primary Elections - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com
A variant appears in The Road to Magdalena, 2012

Winter Amid the Alien Corn: Primary Elections

Costumed in baseball caps to plagiarize
Plebeian brotherhood among the swains,
Beg-hopeful archons of The People pose
Occupy-smug among foam coffee cups

And this is said to be an apprenticeship
For sending planes to bomb some far-off land
And wisely for to rule a people lost
Among wide flat-screened images of porn

Now let us chant:

The whole world is laughing
The whole world is laughing
The whole world is laughing

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Finding That Smoking Gun Flying off the Shelves at the Epicenter of Ground Zero - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Finding That Smoking Gun Flying off the Shelves at the Epicenter of Ground Zero

‘Twas a riveting tale, flying off the shelves
A must-read forging a road at ground zero
An epicenter unlocking a path
To where you found the smoking gun – one hopes

That the gun will break before the news does
Because news is always breaking, but not
The guns, which always seem to empower us all
In breaking a glass floor or ceiling or something

We love our guns we love our S.T.E.M. we call
Them green so learn to code the code

Friday, February 14, 2020

Why We Shouldn't Abandon the Faith - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Why We Shouldn’t Abandon the Faith

Because the bishops already have
And someone’s got to tidy up this place
You wash; I’ll dry
I’ll sweep; you mop

They’ll despise us anyway, but so what

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Texas Rangers and a Nice Salad - weekly column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

What, Indeed, is in a Name?

“Bill or George - anything but Sue!”

-Johnny Cash

Once upon a time most babies in our many American cultures were named from the Bible or from Christian or other heroes and role models. Frank Sinatra got a double from Francis of Assisi and Albertus Magnus. John Wayne’s birth names were for a revolutionary war hero and an Archangel. Tamzin, a ‘way cool name for English girls just now, is a derivation of Thomasina, for any of the many saints named Thomas, and Jude (a good disciple, not that other one) is a steady favorite.

From the formality of the birth certificate to the merriment of the playground names learned to run bases and sink baskets and win at hopscotch in truncated forms: Elizabeth won tennis matches as Liz or Libby, Joseph scored touchdowns as Joe, Matthew won the science fair (and kept the peace in Dodge City) as Matt, Katherine ran track as Kat or Katie, and so on.

In the 1960s parents more and more began naming their children after movie stars and geographical features.

And now we are in an era when parents name their children not for biblical figures, saints, or honored ancestors, but to appeal to anti-social media mobs (https://www.studyfinds.org/many-parents-giving-their-babies-outlandish-names-to-stand-out-on-social-media/).

I dunno; maybe they could name the kid Google or Verizon.

Among the trendy names mentioned are Tovin, Cedar, Maevery, Faelina, Idalia, Anaveah, Sylvalie, Sophiel, Jasping, Wrenlow, Eastley, Graylen, and Albion.

There are few certainties in life, but one is that no child in Ireland has ever or will ever be named Albion.

And will little Cedar be prone to allergies?

The concept is that one’s child should have a name that is unique – okay, name him Unique.

The article mentioned the name Hunter as an example of a scary name, and so instead of naming a boy Hunter try Ranger instead because it is as outdoorsy as Hunter but is “plant-based.” That is a direct quotation from the article: “plant-based.”

When one thinks of Texas Rangers and Army Rangers the concept of “plant-based” does not come to mind:

“Sergeant Jones, we’ve been ordered to take Hill 409 regardless of casualties. Tell the men I don’t think many of us are coming back. We jump off in one hour.”

“Oh, good, lieutenant; I’ll just have time for a nice salad with maybe just a soupcon of diet ranch dressing.”

Or maybe:

“Okay, Rangers, the most nefarious, orneriest, littering, jaywalking, boot-scooting, check-kiting, hamster-rustling, Salvation Army Kettle-robbing, dental floss not-using, tobacco-chawing bushwhackers in all of Texas are hiding in that area of sagebrush. We’re gonna go get ‘em.”

“Oh, goodness gracious, sergeant, what about our carbon footprint and the environmental impact on the sage, cacti, and other historic forms of plant life native to this area?”

As Shakespeare did not say,

“Bill or George – anything but Sue!”

-30-

Upon Seeing Louis Malle's AU REVOIR LES ENFANTS - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Upon Seeing Louis Malle’s Au Revoir les Enfants

Seeing is too weak a verb

We live his world through the pain of a boy
Who is lost in the world we adults made

We are lost in the January forest
Without our papers

We haven’t had fish in ages, ma’am. I recommend the rabbit.
Are we rabbits?

Are we the boys?
Are we the Milice?
Are we the Nazis at lunch?

Your papers, please. Your papers, sir
Now let me see your plastic
So that I know who you are

Are there wolves in these woods?
There are wolves everywhere

St. Thomas’s proofs of God’s existence don’t hold water
And neither do ours

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

The Signs of Jonah - Discounts for Lots of 100 or More - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Signs of Jonah – Discounts for Lots of 100 or More

All the answers are there
In a paperboard square
The latest so-true schtick
On the end of a stick

With the dutiful rant
With the dutiful chant
A bleat: “Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Something-something has got to go!”

Someday I hope to meet
A man without answers
A man with an old book
A man with a walking stick

No, I won’t follow him –
For I follow no one –
But I would be honored
To walk with him awhile

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

The Reveille Summer of 1967 - Summer

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Reveille Summer of 1967

June
0200 on the First Day of Boot Camp

Some drunken chief in some office somewhere
On base played a record of “Reveille”
(From the French “reveiller,” to awaken)
And so we did, to lights and bellowings

And the liturgy of Matins and Lauds:
“Now hear this! Reveille! I say Reveille!
All hands hit the deck! Rise and shine, and greet the new day!
Reveille! Reveille! Reveille!”

A s**tcan sailed across the sleeping space
And crashed against our boyhood dreams

September
0400 on the Last Day of Boot Camp

Some drunken chief in some office somewhere
On base played a record of “Reveille”
(From the English “Shut the **** up”)
at which point a boot sailed against the b***h-box
And we woke up, to lights and grumblings

And the liturgy of Matins and Lauds:
“Now hear this. Taps. Taps. I say taps…
Taps? Reveille! Reveille! Reveille!
Aw, just get your ***es up!

All in dress blue, for pass-in-review
We had heard of Viet-Nam, of course

Monday, February 10, 2020

Some People Are Not in Prison - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Some People Are Not in Prison
 
“What are we here for? We are not alive though we are living
and we are not in our graves though we are dead.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The House of the Dead

The difference between people in prison
And people who are not in prison
Is that some people are in prison
And some people are not

Sunday, February 9, 2020

Oh, But It's a Civilian Medal - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Oh, But It’s a Civilian Medal

“…the military will have served its purpose. All men will then be judged politically - regardless of their military record.”

-Commissar Razin in Doctor Zhivago

As veterans lie abandoned in the street
The President brags of military glory
The VA tells vets “Thank you for your service”
And shuts its polished doors against their pain

As veterans die abandoned in the street
A millionaire dies in a hospital suite
Clinging to himself his Medal of Freedom
His rosary of existential me-dom

As veterans die abandoned by a lie
The President’s motorcade slithers by

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Dear (famous poetry magazine) - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Dear (famous poetry magazine)

Dear (famous poetry magazine):

                                                    There is little interest
In reading about anyone’s scrotum
His pancreas, maybe, or his elbow
Hands are nice, especially fingertips

Some of my best friends are men, I’ll admit
I’ll even sit at the table with them
They cook, they clean, they sing their little songs
Just as long as they know their place, okay?

As for scrota, I know they have their rights
But don’t get me started on the phagocytes








To Miz Grundy, Ideologues, Censors, and the Perpetually Outraged:

There is only frivolity here. I repudiate ideology, identity politics, and the misuse of art as propaganda. I would enjoy hearing about your loves, your visions of beauty, you first car, and your dog, but if you're packing outrage please leave it with the deputy at the edge of town (cf. Rio Bravo).

Cordially,

The Town Ne'er-Do-Well, His Mark: X

Friday, February 7, 2020

Two Hearts That Beat as Three - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Two Hearts That Beat as Three

Is she looking at another? Is she?
Maybe while dancing, or over a drink
Or over the news at the coffee shop
Or when she thinks I’m looking away

Is she looking at another? Is she?
I mean, it’s all right; people look at people
It’s only normal. It doesn’t mean anything
But are they looking at each other?

Is she looking at another? Is she?
Is she looking at another?
                                                 Am I?

Thursday, February 6, 2020

The Execution of Pugachev - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Execution of Pugachev

The Little Father of his people hanged them
Along the banks of the Volga he hanged them
He told them he was the Czar, and hanged them
He told them they were free, and hanged them

Catherine saved her people, and she hanged them
Along the banks of the Volga she hanged them
She was their true Empress, and she hanged them
But Pugachev she beheaded and burned

The land was desolation, smoke, and ash
And the survivors were yoked to the plough

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

As Good Ol' Charlie Brown Did Not Say... - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

As Good Ol’ Charlie Brown Did Not Say…

There is no grief so painful
No enormity so offensive
No indignity so humiliating
No injustice so neglected
No frontier so walled
No crime so repulsive
No disaster so unresolved
No woman so wounded
No child so hungry
No man so lonely

That someone won’t type a

                                                                 #

In indignation

And then go for coffee

Concluding that he has done all he should

The Iowa Caucus: "I'm Sorry Dave; I'm Afraid I Can't Do That" - weekly column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

The Iowa Caucus:
“I’m Sorry, Dave; I’m Afraid I Can’t Do That”

From the Iowa Caucus we finally learn the nature of the H.A.L. in 2001: A Space Odyssey – it’s any computer used to record and tabulate our votes. It’s big, it’s expensive, it doesn’t do what it’s programmed to do, and it might kill democracy.

“I am completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.”

The Iowa Caucus is a curious method for sorting out party candidates to run in general elections: it seems to consist of people moving around and then being counted. Odd, but it worked. Past tense. Some clever lads and their cliched electronic start-up – Shadow, Incorporated - developed an app (there’s always an app) to tally the votes electronically and sold this package of magic S.T.E.M. beans to the Iowa Democratic Party.

“I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.”

The Shadow reported no results for hours, and days later no one trusted the incomplete results it finally excreted. According to the rules of the game, the party candidates can go no further if they don’t have the numbers, and the numbers were spinning and tumbling in a void for days.

“…I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.”

The Iowa Democratic Party sprayed the usual fog of cliches, evasions, and excuses: “clarity,” “coding error,” “transparent,” “modernize,” “new app,” “new backup systems,” “abundance of caution,” and blah-blah.

(https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/elections/presidential/caucus/2020/02/04/iowa-democratic-party-delayed-caucus-results-should-soon-published/4659581002/)

“I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do.”

When political parties mess with elections (a fine old Texas tradition; Iowa could learn from us), the challenge used to be corrupting, organizing, and silencing a number of people.

Altering ballots in a back room or making a physical ballot box full of paper ballots disappear (https://texasmonitor.org/missing-ballot-box-may-be-reason-for-vote-discrepancy-in-midland-county-election/) requires skill and good old-fashioned teamwork.

Making electronic ballots disappear, change, and dance on the grave of the Republic requires only one obedient techno-functionary and his laptop.

“This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.”

No computerized voting, please. Let’s stay with paper ballots, each of which is counted by several tabulators and observers. If political parties, any of them, are going to steal our votes, let’s make them work for it.

-30-

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Rome in the Back Yard - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Rome in the Back Yard

Upon reading Cecil Day-Lewis’
“A Letter from Rome”

Well, okay, it’s not really Rome back here
It’s Texas, right? But still, some Senator
Of his people spoke in a language lost
Of duty and work and foreign relations

Treaties with the nations across the creek
Military service and sacred rites
Hunting and work, care for the holy fire
And kindnesses to the aged and weak

Here, where the liveoak shadows everything
Yes, here, right here, before we Others came

Monday, February 3, 2020

Saturday with Hegel - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com


Saturday with Hegel

I. Morning Thesis - Down at the Old-Man Café

Lock and load lock her up love that Trump
Another coffee hey check out her *ss
They just need th’ Bible and whup them kids
Th’ Superbowl coon hunt d*mned snowflake libs

II. Afternoon Antithesis - Deep in the Literary Magazines

Iconic icon self-empowerment
Patriarchal oppressivist must-read
Post-neo-trans-colonialist quagmire
Of gender-fluid green technocracy

III. Evening…Synthesis?

There is no synthesis to be found here
To Phhhht! with them; let’s have another beer

Sunday, February 2, 2020

Gift Shop Idols - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Gift Shop Idols

                    How sharply our children will be ashamed…
                    Remembering how in so strange a time
                    Common integrity could look like courage

-Yevtushenko, “Talk”

They were neither ancient nor beautiful
Someone procured them and said that they were so
Those gift shop idols before which poor weaklings bowed
Grotesques which glorified neither God nor man

(Splash)

But there are many other golden calves
And most of them lurking within ourselves
Littering our souls with rubbish and sludge
There’s much in us that needs tossing away

(Splash)

If we stand upon the Ponte San Angelo
And look down to the mud –
                                                 we might see ourselves

Saturday, February 1, 2020

"We are a Diverse Collective" - poem

Lawrence Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“We are a Diverse Collective” 1

Of individualist obedientiaries
Who think for ourselves if others approve
And apologize if others disapprove
And what are we disapproving of today?

We are the brave submissive resistance
Mensheviks this week, Bolsheviks the next
Courageously saying whatever we are told
We write what we think – and is this okay?

And one dare not get too big for their pants
Lest one then lose their corporate grants


1 From an article in Hyperallergic

Super-Dooper Super-Servile Bowl Sunday (or something) - poem

Lawrence Hall, HSG
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

This is a re-post with modifications.

Super-Servile Sunday

O sink not down into that corrosive couch
Docile before the Orwellian screen
That regulates the lives of the servile
Dictating dress, demeanor, drink, and dreams

Declare your independence from the sludge
Of vague obedientiaries who drowse
Away their empty lives in submission
To harsh, diagonal inches of rule

Poor weaklings chanting tainted tribal songs
In chorus hamsterable, huddled, heaped
While costumed in their masters’ liveries
And feeling little while thinking even less

The very model of the knee-pants guys
Predictable and dull, submissive ghosts
Crowded, herded through cosmic cattle chutes
Yammering in dim, noisy nothingness

But you –

But you, O you, be not of them, but choose
To be a wanderer in the moonlight
Alone in manly dignity


(The allusions to Milton, Shakespeare, and Keats are deliberate)

Cultural Allusions in JEEVES AND THE FEUDAL SPIRIT - a very brief essay

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

A Few Cultural, Biblical, and Literary Allusions
in Wodehouse's Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit

I can add nothing to the many accurate and excellent reviews of Wodehouse’s wonderful Jeeves and Wooster stories. However, on this re-reading I made a few careless notes about cultural, biblical, and literary allusions in Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit (1954), which include:

Agatha Christie and Hercule Poirot – several times
“Rime of the Ancient Mariner”
Sword of Damocles
U.S. Civil War
Kipling - “Gunga Din”
Lot’s Wife
Wordsworth - “Daffodils”
T. S. Eliot
Dostoyevsky
Humphrey Bogart
Tolstoy
Longfellow – “Excelsior”
Flaubert
French Foreign Legion
Groucho Marx
Mae West
Gadarene Swine
P. T. Barnum
Helen of Troy
Balaam’s Ass
Jokes about modern poetry
Robert W. Service
Paul Revere
William Ernest Henley - “Invictus”
Robert Browning
W. H. Auden
Sherlock Holmes
Keats
Sir Philip Sidney
Roget’s Thesaurus
Shakespeare – Hamlet, Othello, Henry V, Merchant of Venice, Macbeth, Julius Caesar

And I have surely missed many, many others.

Wodehouse is always therapeutic, but he is also a catalogue of the culture common to English-speaking readers of all nations and social levels in the last century, long before the chants of “Learn to code” (sometimes rendered as “Learn. To. Code.”) blasted civilization away in favor of obedient, unquestioning mechanical servitude.

Friday, January 31, 2020

"Deputies Have Discovered Human Remains" - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“Deputies Have Discovered Human Remains”

-headline

So that’s it, then. Human remains, that’s all
A barefoot child running around the yard
Then choosing what crayon as a favorite color
Learning to carve letters with a Number Two

First tooth, first school, first love, first kiss, first miss
Tricycle, bicycle, school bus, an old car
With a funny pet name, skint knee, toothache
Not understanding why she walked away

And at the end of all those loves and pains –
“Deputies have discovered human remains”

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Electric Groundhog - weekly column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Electric Groundhog

Electric groundhog – that sounds like the title of a 1960s book of free verse.

However, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants an electric groundhog to replace the real groundhog that those old drunks…um…bon vivants in Pennsylvania wake up and display on Candlemas morning.

The bogus tradition is that if the groundhog sees his shadow on Groundhog Day there will be six more weeks of Super Bowl advertisements or something. Thus, for no logical reason, the boys put on funny hats, get tanked…um…merry, go out into the frosty dawn, and rouse a groundhog out of his sleep to observe whether the critter sees his shadow.

If a groundhog can see his shadow, the wobbly old fellows can too, so there is no point to bothering the groundhog.

Sometimes the groundhog also sees it that way. In 2009 New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg tried to hustle a grouchy groundhog into action and was justly bitten.

If that’s not a qualification for the presidency, well, I don’t know what is.

I’m talking about the groundhog, of course.

PETA feels that a groundhog shouldn’t be awakened at dawn, and there are millions and millions of workers who feel exactly the same.

Maybe the Groundhog Groupies could try waking up a sophomore? Now there would be a challenge.

If some mad scientist (“It’s alivvvvve!”) cobbles together an electric groundhog I will be interested in seeing it take a bite out of an electric mayor.

The news about the poor groundhog being awakened before dawn reminds us of this old wheeze:

Mother: “C’mon, child, get up; you’ll be late for school.”

Daughter: “I don’t wanna go to school!”

Mother: “You HAVE to go to school.”

Daughter: “WHYYYYYYY? The teachers don’t like me. The kids at school don’t like me. Even the lunch lady doesn’t like me. WHY do I have to go to school!?”

Mother: “Because you’re the principal, that’s why!”

Cheers!

-30-

But What About the High-Hanging Fruit? - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

But What About the High-Hanging Fruit?

The last of the autumn apples, perhaps
Or the long-ago love that passed us by
Never falling to the Telescopic Fruit Picker
From Garrett Wade, $37.50

(I’ve got one of those, and it works just fine)

Or maybe pears, ‘way up among the leaves
Where dreams of better days to come were lost
To the old and tattered bushel-basket
That rotted away in the tractor shed

Then was it wrong to look high up for truth
That flew beyond our reach, our sight, our hopes?

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Chat Details - When an Internet Service Suffers Its Own Systems Failure - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Chat Details –
When an Internet Service Suffers Its Own Systems Failure,
and in Which this Scrivener Encounters that Rarity,
a Customer Service Agent with a Brain


Luis Z (9:15:51 PM):

Thank you for contacting (Anapest)
Internet Customer Care. I'm happy
to help you today! Please give me just a
moment to review your account information
and I'll be right with you.


Luis Z (9:16:42 PM):

                                           Hello, Lawrence.
How are you?


Me (9:17:10 PM):

                               Fine, thanks.


Luis Z (9:17:32 PM):

                                                      I see you've contacted
us due you're trying to pay your bill, is that
correct?


Me (9:17:41 PM):

Yes.


Luis Z (9:18:16 PM):

                                       Lawrence, at this time we are
currently experiencing a system outage
which prevents me from accessing your account.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Would you kindly call us back in 2 hours so that
we can complete this transaction once our systems
are back to normal? Is there anything else
that I can assist you with?


Me (9:19:00 PM):

                                               There is an irony

in an internet service unable
to access the internet.


Me (9:19:15 PM):

                                       Thanks for your note,
but in two hours I will be asleep.


Me (9:19:30 PM):

I can try tomorrow morning, if that's okay.


Luis Z (9:20:07 PM):

Thanks


Luis Z (9:20:10 PM):

                   That's okay


Luis Z (9:20:27 PM):

                                           Besides informing you about
the network outage, is there anything else
I can do for you today?


Me (9:20:31 PM):

                                          I trust I
won't be receiving any late / overdue
notices from (Anapest)?


Luis Z (9:21:06 PM):

                                           No


Me (9:21:39 PM):

                                                   Very good.
Thanks.


Luis Z (9:21:50 PM):

Lawrence, it has been a pleasure helping you
out! If there is nothing else I can help
you with at this time, thank you for chatting
with (Anapest) Internet. We appreciate
your business. I hope you have a great day!

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

An Elegy in January - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

An Elegy in January

For Beverly Jean Keszeg Mixson
of Happy Memory

How very strange that this grey year has passed
In a confusing haste, amorphous and dim
Since that sad January day when life,
All meaning paused, collapsed within itself

Cold February rains fell upon her cairn
But then the happy leaf-time came to bless
That twice-blest earth where memories repose
Warmed by the sun, made golden in the fall

And now the cold has come again

How is it that the seasons flew so fast?
How very strange that one long year has passed

Monday, January 27, 2020

Plimsolls - a little doggerel about boat shoes

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Plimsolls

I didn’t know I was wearing plimsolls
I thought I was wearing tennies
But when I look down at the dim soles -
Plimsolls? Dollars to the pennies!




(When I consider the burdened bathroom scale -
My cargo, too, is at the plimsoll line)

Sunday, January 26, 2020

Robin Hood, Whitman Publishing, 1950s - Photograph


The Purpose of Civilization - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poetricdrivel.blogspot.com

The Purpose of Civilization

The apogee of civilization
Is a small boy sitting under a tree
On a summer day reading wonderful stories
About the adventures of Robin Hood

The small boy may well go to university
Fight in the wars, and someday have a boy
Of his own sitting under a summer tree
Reading those stories about Robin Hood

And we must always remember that the point
Of civilization is that small boys
Are free to sit under trees and read stories
About the adventures of Robin Hood

In youth, in books, and in the summer wood -
Finding there the true, the beautiful, the good

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Searching for a Lost Cemetery - MePhone Photograph


Searching the Woods for an Old Cemetery - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Searching the Woods for an Old Cemetery

For William Tod Mixson

The trail to the cemetery is mostly sand
Layered with leaves, debris, and memories
That fell upon the land, and were absorbed
Into the forest’s ancient unities

If a geologic catastrophe
Immortalizes the marks of our canes 1
In sedimentary rock, the future might wonder
What strange tripeds lived in the distant past

When a couple of ancients, you and I
Along this trail roamed under a winter sky


1 But surely not the Mark of Cain?

Friday, January 24, 2020

Mr. Peanut and the Doomsday Clock - weekly column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Mr. Peanut and the Doomsday Clock

…send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for Mr. Peanut

-as John Donne did not say

The Doomsday Clock (shudder) is menacing us again, much like the monsters under Calvin’s bed in the much-missed Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip.

Children were first threatened with clockworkery around seventy years ago – if you don’t eat all your oatmeal the Doomsday Clock will get you.

Or something like that.

The American people were told that there was a metaphorical doomsday clock and that the hands were set at ten minutes until nuclear destruction and would tick-tock to our fiery end if we did not buy bonds and think pure thoughts.

As the decades have passed, the Doomsday Clock has been dusted off, oiled, and brought out like a fiery Moloch for every crisis that must not be wasted: Communism, the Russians, the Chinese, the military-industrial complex, pollution, global cooling, global warming, A.I.D.S., the Democrats, the Republicans, the Russians again, the Chinese again, Italians, Ukrainians, opioids (but pass me a legal joint, bro), robotics, autonomous cars – we’re ticking doomed, I tell you, dooooooooooooomed!

And, hey, maybe this time it’s true.

After all, Mr. Peanut has been disappeared by the Planters-Nabisco-Kraft-Heinz Continuum and their special operations squad of ticking vegan albino ninja monks.

Planters Peanuts was an American company was created by two Italian immigrants – hey, and you know what those Italians are like, and probably spying for Mussolini – and their mascot was Mr. Peanut Man, a dapper nut-about-town with a top hat, monocle, and cane. He cleverly dropped his Italian accent and became a symbol of all that is great in godly American legumes.

The Planters company, now absorbed by Nabisco-Kraft-Heinz, still makes all sorts of great foods and treats from the humble, nutritious, healthy peanut in the U.S.A., Canada, and the United Kingdom. This suggests the continuation of a nefarious Italian plot to take over the English-speaking world.

Why was Mr. Peanut offed in a purported car accident? Perhaps he knew too much. His death was convenient for someone, right? They say he was sipping on a New Coke while driving his Edsel past the exploding Jack-in-the-Box just before running into Elsie the Borden Cow, but that’s what they – They – would have us believe. And why weren’t the security cameras working?

Well, it was a quicker and more merciful end than that of Chuckles the Clown as Peter Peanut on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

There are adults whose homes whose clocks and watches are all digital and who then complain that their children don’t know to tell time on a round-faced clock. Yeah, and why don’t they know how to plow behind a mule, hah?

How can our young be destroyed properly if they can’t tell time on a round-faced doomsday clock, hah? You answer me that, hah?

First they came for the tick-tock clocks, and then they came for Mr. Peanut.

It’s a pattern, I tell ya. We’re doomed.

-30-

Wooden Pulleys from my Grandfather's Farm - photograph


Ploughing Across the Gap - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Ploughing Across the Gap

Between old Monterey and Central Park
There must be other lands and other views
And different modes of discourse to be shared
Where surf and subway are not pillars of faith

Surely there are rough poets of the plough
Who speed it through the loam (and spell it “plow”)
Turning over words and ideas and love
And growing truth beyond the furrow’s end

A wheat field or an alligator slough -
Everyone is somewhere – so where are you?

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Dreary January - MePhone Photograph


The Green Meadow Through a Doorbell Camera - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The Green Meadow Through a Doorbell Camera

For Thornton W. Burgess
And all the Little Folk of the Green Meadow

Old Man Coyote and his comrades yip
And howl and bark out in the midnight fields
But closer by, images grey and green
Record the doings of the lesser folk:

Billy Possum ambles across the lawn
In hopes of carrot-ends and potato peels
Bobby Raccoon and Peter Cottontail
Each night stop and exchange the latest news

Timmy the Flying Squirrel is seldom seen
Young Flash the Deer on the edge of the screen
In shyness skitters away into the dark
And Bob Cat claims the whole world as his park

At dawn the little folk will slip away
But they’ll return tonight to browse and play

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Pushkin for Christmas - MePhone Photograph


Is He Woke? - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Is He Woke?

Yeah, every night about nine ****ed o’clock
To get himself ready for the night shift
Busting his knuckles on those worn-out valves
Up on a cracking tower at the refinery

Yeah, he’s woke.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

January Dusk - MePhone Photograph


Re-Imagining the University Yet Again - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Re-Imagining the University Yet Again

Federal financial aid cisgender nouns
Labor market outcomes program-level data
Trans-discipline accountability
Post-colonial tuition and fees

De-masculinize this inclusive space
A different business model admissions pool
Competency-based binary evaluations
(Let no one question the chancellor’s pay and perks)

No

If we want civilization among us
Let’s pour ourselves a drink and argue The Good




NB: I employed “chancellor” as a catch-all for administration and the layers of good ol’ boys / good ol’ girls on boards. A correspondent suggested:

As long as you're questioning the chancellor's pay and perks, please also look into the HEAD football coach's salary, housing allowance, automobile and other perks, AND each of the ever-increasing salaries of those many specialized ASSISTANT coaches ... for offensive coordinator, offensive line, quarterbacks, running backs, defensive coordinator, defensive line, linebackers, defensive backfield, special teams, scouting, ...just to name a few.

I reminded my correspondent of the house warden in Doctor Zhivago who resents the eponymous hero for telling the truth, and says, “Your attitude is noticed, you know!”

Monday, January 20, 2020

Teenagers in the Book Store - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Teenagers in the Book Store

“Only the solitary seek the truth”
-Boris Pasternak

There were three, two of them flitting about
The third was sitting cross-legged on the floor
In a sweater and jeans, her shoes kicked off
Quite lost in a slender paperback of verse

The gum-chewer in charge, flying a toy dragon
An obedient girl following him
Approached and announced “We’re going.
“I said we’re going. Hey, I said we’re going - NOW.”

In camouflaged defiance the reader arose
And shelved her book,
                                     and smiled,
                                                          and whispered to me



“Thank you”



And I don’t know why

Sunday, January 19, 2020

The Question Chernyshevsky and Lenin Asked - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com




The Question Chernyshevsky and Lenin Asked


 What is to be done?

On Monday there will be marches and rioting
Comrades and Activists and Anti-Thats
Bombs with the right hand, selfies with the left -
(Will anyone stay home and milk the cows?)

The tattoos of the Second Amendmenters
Will bristle at those of the New Red Guard
As trash bins burn in holy sacrifice –
(But who will wash the streets tomorrow dawn?)

They all scream for a Revolution, you’ll note -
(But did any of them ever bother to vote?)

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Socialist Capitalist Brutalist Health Care - a poem of protest

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Socialist Capitalist Brutalist Health Care

“Health care was affordable before it became free”
-many attributions

For FamousNameBrand Healthcare, Medicare, and a collection agency

Another bill for the CPAP today
This time from a collection agency
For an old machine paid for years ago
By Medicare, private insurance, and me

Contracts, receipts, copies of letters and notes
Are nothing to the computerized continuum
Along which elderly humans are abandoned
To drown in a miasma of incessant demands

Like the DVA they just seem to scoff:
Have the workers pay more and then
                                                  die off

Friday, January 17, 2020

Saint Anthony, Abbot, Had a Rabbit - nonsense

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Saint Anthony, Abbot, Had a Rabbit

Saint Anthony, Abbot
Had a rabbit
Who
Chewed his shoe



(This bit of nonsense came to me in the pre-dawn several years ago while noting the date, 17 January, on the nice church calendar the funeral home gave me.)

Thursday, January 16, 2020

The House Speaker's Souvenir Pens - weekly column

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

The House Speaker’s Souvenir Pens

Not that a wise American quite trusts any news report, especially via the InterGossip, but apparently Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi really did hand out as souvenirs the dozens of pens she used with all due solemnity (cough) to sign the articles of impeachment. Even CNN found this somewhat embarrassing (https://edition.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-impeachment-live-01-15-2020/index.html).

The pens, stamped on the barrels with “Nancy Pelosi” in gold ink, were said to have been borne into the ceremony on a silver platter, but the photograph on CNN suggests that there were three platters in proletarian stainless steel. Maybe someone found a bargain at Goodwill.

The choice of metals could be a matter of controlling the budget or appealing to The People: one imagines that after the seven impeachment managers danced for the House Speaker she might have cried (but probably didn’t), “Bring me, on a proletarian stainless steel platter, the dignity of the congress!”

It could have been worse; the Speaker might have chosen to reflect the gravitas of a formal accusation of crimes against the nation by handing out balloons, helium-filled balloons at that, so that our conscript fathers and mothers could all talk like Donald Duck.

A few of them talk like Donald Duck anyway.

I believe that district attorneys and grand juries prefer to distribute fun-filled goodie bags for felony indictments.

Anticipate rubber duckies at the next state funeral.

If you look carefully at John Trumbull’s 1817 painting of the Declaration of Independence you can see, behind Hillary Clinton’s foot, the cardboard boxes of souvenir kazoos.

It is curious that in our state and local elections we the people are almost always presented with worthy choices of candidates for office. In local elections we are often presented with an embarrassment of riches, good men and women on both party tickets.

Why, then, do our two dominant parties fail to present Americans with serious candidates, men and women of genuine gravitas, for the highest offices, instead of oddballs of the sort who show up on YouTube and on doorbell cameras?


Bias note: Dear Reader, Y’r ‘Umble and Non-Nobel-Prize Winning Scrivener doesn’t like ANY of the personalities mentioned above, and would rather vote for you.

-30-


The House Speaker's Souvenir pens - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

The House Speaker’s Souvenir Pens

On a stainless steel tray bring us the prize
The dignity of Congress, like a sightless head
Now as stacks of souvenir pens to be flung
Like elementary-school giveaway treats

And bring us the President’s latest twoots
Festooned with coarse slurs and obscenities
His feral howls to a republic in decay
Amid the plastic pillars of puffery

But let this be the theme of our closing hymn:
We truly have no respect for any of them

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

"I Went to Vietnam to Understand America's Role..." - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

“I Went to Vietnam to Understand America’s Role in Its History
and Was Blown Away by What I Learned”

A young writer for (Famous Travel Magazine)
Reports that she journeyed to Viet-Nam
And was blown away by what she learned there

Blown away

Sure

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Death and Dentistry - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Death and Dentistry

How easy it is to cry “Invictus!”
And babble about one’s unconquerable soul
or even
“Rage, rage, against the dying of the light!”

On those days when one hasn’t chipped a tooth

Monday, January 13, 2020

Bus Fare for the Common Man - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Bus Fare for the Uncommon Man

With a transfer to Mission Beach

A set of civvies from the 4.0 Locker Club
Which fool no one; the hair is a sailor’s cut
That book of free verse everyone’s talking about
And a transfer to Mission Beach in hand

We rocket by stops down Lower Broadway
From Horton Square, palm trees and cigarettes
A KOGO radio ad on the back
Salesgirls on, sailors off, YMCA

I’m riding to Mission Beach to read and think –
We could have coffee. And talk. Will I see you there?

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Descartes Saw Nothing - poem

Lawrence Hall
mhall46184@aol.com
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

Descartes Saw Nothing

A Cartesian measures:

A pre-adolescent human xx centimeters tall displacing varying amounts of turbid water of a certain ph in a tributary stream which at 1326 hours Central Standard Time channels the flow of xxx liters of water a minute in a southeasterly direction through a climax forest of mixed hardwoods, predominantly oak (97%), and other species (3%, unmarketable). Append a minimum of five peer-refereed sources formatted as per the APA and submit – submit – via pdf.

But you and I see:

A little child laughing and splashing in joy
Laughing and splashing in the shady creek
Barefoot, muddy foot in the creek, probably
Against her loving parents’ stern instructions

On a glorious Robin Hood summer day